Broken Girl(65)

“You know somet’ing Rosie, I’ve pinned me pain across me chest me ‘ole life. Taken the bullets of sufferin’ like the best of them. In the middle of a war zone, me watched me brothers sacrifice everyt’ing they were. For w’at? So I could come back and waste me opportunity on being bitter while they be buried six feet under in the cold hard ground, dead for a country they loved? Shane doesn’t love that gir’ up there. He’s too busy fightin’ a war with the demons you’re not willin’ to give up.”

Briggs’ words sliced me deep. He pinned me in a corner I’d been frightened of my whole life. He saw through me as if my skin was nothing but a thin veil I hid behind to stay safe. I was always a f*ck ‘em and let ‘em go type of girl. Only let ‘em get enough from me so I didn’t have to give. Nothing ventured nothing gained. It was my best excuse and my worst reason. It was easier to placate my pain than it was to provoke anyone’s love.

A pressure pushed hard against my chest, the guilt of giving up so easily robbed my breath. Now Kean Briggs was challenging me to pony up, live raw, be present, and give into my feelings for Shane. A roll of the dice in a gamble I’d always lost my whole life.

“I’m not sure I can give up my demons, they’ve been with me for so long I don’t know who I am anymore without them.”

“Ma’be it’s time you found out, who you really are.”

“What if it’s too late?”

“And, what if it’s not? Nothing is guaranteed, Rosie. We could drive outta here and be killed in a he’d on car crash. And go to Heaven, find me the Pearly Gates or crash into the fiery pits of Hell.” His accent again thickened with his intensity.

“What’s your point, Key?”

“Me point bein’ you can either be the woman sitting here contemplatin’ ‘bout to visit her best friend before they bury her forever, or you can grab your life by the short hairs and claim wat’s yours.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Damn right it is sweet’art, but you’re the stubborn gir’ who needs to swallow her pride and mend t’ings with that boy up there. ‘Cause I’m dun watching you throw your life away. I can’t stand me dreadful thoughts every time your number comes up on me phone.”

“So the truth comes out. You aren’t as tough as you look.”

“If that’s wat you believe, so be it. I’d rather be visitin’ you at a house, then watch you be buried in a place like this. You’re a tough gir’, no doubt in me mind, but if you keep doin’ what you’re doin’, you won’t be long for this world.”

“If you keep telling all your clients to quit the business, you’ll be out of a job,” I quipped as I forced my seat back upright.

“Well, Rosie, just call it a soft spot in me heart for you. It’s the only time I’ve said this to anyone, but that boy, well, he’s your ticket out of this life, me gir’. I think it’s high time you cashed it in.”

Deep down, I knew he was right. It was obvious he was just trying to protect me, but seeing that I’ve had to take care of myself my entire life I wasn’t going to let him think that he knew what was best for me.

I looked out and watched Shane in his dark charcoal suit lean down and kiss the old woman on the cheek, before he gingerly consoled the old man next to her. Shane rested his palm on the man’s shoulder while they shook hands. A familiar gesture which appeared more intimate than the greeting of strangers. I observed Sybil’s parents, or what I assumed was Sybil’s parents lift their frail hands while they talked to him, and watched Shane as he comfortably consoled them. He was so sincere, and even though I couldn’t hear what they were saying to one another I noticed Shane’s expression was genuine and filled with compassion.

“Well, I appreciate your concern, Briggs, I do, but this is my life, and what I do with it . . . well, that’s my business. Just tend to your stuff and I’ll tend to mine and I think it will be better that way.”

“Aye, sweet’art. I’ve said me peace. You can sit here and lose your opportunity, havin’ a pity party for one, or you can get your arse out of the car and say a proper goodbye to Sybil. Either way it’s no skin off me teeth, it’s your choice,” he said as he patted my knee before he opened the driver’s side door and got out. He flung open the back driver’s side door, yanked his black dress coat from a hanger and pulled it on before he looked over at me. His eyes asking if I was going to be an arse or a friend.

“I’m sorry Key, this wound’s pretty deep. I just can’t face him right now.”

“Suit you’self.” He shut the back car door and I watched him meander up to Sybil’s open grave.

I looked over and saw Shane consoling Martie, it was a dagger in my heart. I closed my eyes and wept.





MY EYES WERE still closed as the tears drenched my lashes and betrayed me as I tried to stop the ungodly-ugly cry from taking over me. I figured I’d wait for Briggs to come back so we could just go, but he took forever. I knew he wouldn’t let me get out of here until I went up there and paid my respects to Sybil.

All right, it’s time to put on my big girl panties and face the music. Nobody’s gonna control me anymore. I have every right to go up there and say goodbye to my best friend.