Bittersweet Symphony (Bittersweet #4)(26)

I throw the shit on the ground and trudge over to where I heard the snapping of sticks. I see Kennedy attempting to make her way through the brush as if she’s a real life ranger.

“Don’t be stupid, Kennedy… Come back here.” It’s like trying to coax someone off the ledge. She turns around, looks at me, and continues onward. Letting out a huge sigh, I take a step forward. There are branches in every direction, like it’s a trap.

I hear her quiet cries as I grow closer to her. Anxiety fills my stomach. Did she get hurt without me noticing? I take another large step. Reaching out to her, I wrap my arm around her, holding her in place. She turns into my chest as if giving up.

“Are you okay?” I ask as calmly as I can while having all this built up aggression.

She sniffles as if she’s holding back tears. I feel my heart constricting. The fear of losing or hurting her is enough to erase anything else that’s important in my mind.

“He’s going to do something. It’s going to be bad, and it’s going to affect both of us. You know that, right?” Her voice is muffled into my chest. Her breathing is heavy as well, and I can’t tell if it’s because of what’s going on or because of the close proximity of our bodies.

“Let him, K. Let him try to break us. I want to see him try. I want to see him even attempt to make a stab at you. You know why?” I grip her chin and turn her face up toward mine.

“Why?” she whispers.

“Because I have been wanting him to give me a reason to put him in the ground since I met you. Since I had seen the fragileness that is within you. He’s hurt you, and you don’t have to tell me about it right now because I know it’s more than you’re ready to talk about. Just know that I know he f*cked you over, and if he gives me the fuel to f*ck him up, I will.”

“That’s not the point, Ryder,” she murmurs, pulling her face from my grasp so that she can lay her head against my chest. My heart beats frantically as she does so.

I don’t know how to soothe anyone, especially her, but I try. My fingers weave into her hair. I run my fingers through the locks, until her breaths even out, until I can feel her melting, becoming the very liquid that I will absorb. I know I am dangerous, but I am starting to think Kennedy is even more dangerous. She has the power to bring me to my knees. I give no one that power.

“Kennedy…” I whisper. I am uncomfortable standing in this brush, sticks poking me in the back.

“Hmmm…” She sounds as if she’s about to nod off into a deep sleep.

“He won’t hurt you. What he did back there could land him in jail. Just know that if he messes with you, I won’t be able to stop myself from doing something to him.”

She doesn’t respond to anything I say and it feels as if she sinks even deeper into me. I know this night changes everything. She has become a permanent part of me, and nothing will ever change that.

I have given her the key to my heart; I have gone soft for one person and one person only. I am falling...

***

“If you were more like your brother, maybe I would think better of you!!” My father screamed at me. I was only ten at the time. His hands gripped my shoulders hard as he shook me. I could feel my teeth rattling and my eyes rolling.

“If I tell you to do something and you don’t obey again… You will regret defying me.” I could tell by the look on his face that he meant every word he said. The bruises that would be on my shoulders from his grip would be a reminder to me.

“I’m sorry dad…” I said quietly, my eyes cast down at the ground. I didn’t dare look him in the eyes. It was like begging to be beaten again. If I could stay low and out of his way then he would leave me alone.

“No, but you will be.” That was his form of dismissal, to simply say something and then walk away… It was my warning of pain to come. He wanted me to be afraid of him, and even at a young age I knew that. It took a beating or two, but eventually I learned.

I cleaned up the milk I spilled. Yes, that’s what pushed him over the edge. He was like a ticking time bomb. Some things bothered him and others didn’t. I was the only one he ever hurt. The only one he ever took his rage out on.

That thought alone caused pricks of moisture to form in my eyes. I shook my head grabbing the dish towel from the counter.

“Want to go outside and throw the football?” Rex asked. I finish wiping my mess up before responding to him. I don’t want dad to come back in here and see it’s not cleaned up yet.

“Hey… what’s wrong?” Rex said in my ear, his hand gripped my shoulder in the very same place dad did. I winced, but covered it up with a shrug. I had to... I couldn’t let Rex know what happened. It would kill him. It would break our already broken family.

“Nothing… I’ll come outside.” I covered it all with a smile. A mask that covered the pain like a band aid. As if it were the easy to make the pain go away. He watched me, looking at me as if he knew there was something deeper going on.

“I’m okay…” I said throwing the dish towel in the sink and grabbing the football from him. I smiled at him and ran out the sliding glass doors to the backyard. I could make it through all of this as long as Rex was okay…

A noise that sounds similar to a stampede of elephants trudging through the living room wakes me up. Fuck. A glance at my alarm clock; it’s not even eight A.M. yet. What the f*ck is going on?