Because (Seven Year Itch #4)(41)

She writes back immediately.

Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Ab is at my parents’ house for dinner. – Shay

Do you want me to leave the key on the table? – Bran

No. Keep it in case of an emergency. It’s still your house. – Shay

Can you make sure Ab calls me before bed. I miss her already. Mom wants her to come over Wednesday for dinner. Is it too late notice or will that work? I can get her from school. – Bran

What if we do every few days? I’ll have her Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and then you can keep her Wednesday through Saturday morning. We can rearrange things if something comes up. – Shay

It hurts she’s thought about this already.

Yeah, sure. Whatever you want to do. – Bran

Ab will like that. – Shay

Are you cool if she’s at my parents’ house with me? – Bran

Of course. – Shay

Sounds good. I’ll get up with you Tuesday night. – Bran

The chat ends and I’m torn to pieces once again. Something has to give. I can’t live like this. I don’t want to. Never in a million years would I have seen this coming. Shayla did more than I ever knew, and without her I feel lost. One week feels like an eternity. I can’t imagine what forever will feel like.

I’m not sure what makes me do it, but I stick around until she arrives. I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my head down when I hear her come in. She sits her keys down on the counter before I look in her direction. It’s hard to see beyond the tears I can’t seem to force away. “Hey.” I say as she sighs.

“Hi.” I think she’s taken back by my emotions. Her eyes soon fill with sadness as she takes the seat across from me. I reach my hand out and take hers. She doesn’t pull away. For a few seconds we sit there in silence staring at each other.

“How long have you been sitting here?” She asks.

I shrug. “I don’t know. What time is it?”

“Six.”

“Maybe forty minutes.”

“Were you waiting for me?”

I don’t let go of her hand. If she’s going to let me have this I won’t end it prematurely. “Maybe. I’m having a hard time, Shay. I don’t want to let you go. I never knew it would hurt this much.” I look away to avoid being embarrassed when I lose it again.

She squeezes my hand. “You know this has to happen, Bran. We can’t keep doing this to each other.”

I disagree. “I’d rather be miserable and have you next to me then assume we’ll be happy apart.”

This shocks her. I can tell she’s taken back by my assumption. “You can’t say things like this now. It’s too late.”

“It’s never too late. You think I don’t love you enough, but you’re wrong.”

“No. I can’t hear this. You can’t change in a matter of minutes. I know you mean well, and maybe you think you can be someone else, but it’s not that simple. I’d rather love you forever as a friend than lose every part of us.”

“I’m nothing without you,” I manage to get out. My body begins to shake as I break down right in front of her. She’s still letting me hold her hand. I don’t know why it represents hope for me, but it does. I feel like she’d let go if there was nothing left to try for. “Please reconsider.”

This is when she pulls away. Maybe she’s figured out being close to me only hurts worse. “Bran, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Say you’ll give me another chance. Say you still want us.”

“I don’t. Not anymore. I’ve been hurt too many times. You’ve taken me for granted for too long. I’m broken because of you. Don’t you get that? Being with you makes me weak.”

“We can change together.” I say.

She shakes her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. She looks exhausted and I know I’m to blame. “I’m sorry, Bran. This is the right decision for me. It hurts like a bitch, but I think if we can manage to get through it in one piece we’ll both come out as stronger individuals.”

“You sound like your shrink.”

“I’m learning how to be independent instead of codependent. We’ve always had each other. We don’t know how to live apart. It’s a huge complication. Promise me you’ll try to see the good in this. I need to know you’re going to be okay.”

“I can’t promise that. Knowing you’re giving up on me is devastating.”

“I know. We have to be strong for Aberdeen. She needs us. We’re her family.”

I finally conjure up what I feel is the best smile possible. “Yeah, we are.”

Shayla reaches her hand over for me take again. “We’ll get through this, Bran. I need to remain friends with you. I care deeply for you. I believe you’re the love of my life. I’ll never hate you, not even when you make stupid mistakes. All I’ve ever wanted was to be your best friend. Maybe in time it will finally happen.”

I can’t take anymore. I get up from the table while recalling the last time she’s brought this topic up. I refused her over and over again, making her feel like a piece of shit. I deserve this outcome, and I know it now more than ever before.