Atone (Recovered Innocence #2)(29)

I take a quick shower and head to the office. When I get there, Savannah is at her desk. Since the talk I tried to have with her, she’s been a little better. She stopped yelping every time I come within eight feet of her and she doesn’t watch me like I’m a six-foot-three-inch rattlesnake shaking its tail. Progress.

I pull a flower from the bunch I grabbed on the way in and hand it to her. “Happy Monday.”

Her eyes do a rapid-blink thing and then she takes the flower, her lips curving into a smile. The first one she’s ever given me. I hope this bodes well for smoothing things over with my sister.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

I feel her gaze on me as I walk to Cora’s office. Well, I guess it’s Cora’s and my office now. Cora’s alone. Leo must have dropped her off before heading back up to school, since I had her car. Her head is bent over a report, and she taps her pen on the desk to a beat only she can hear.

I hold out the bouquet to her. “I’m sorry.”

She sets down her pen and takes the flowers. She doesn’t say anything, just stares at the colors and shapes of the petals. I’d give anything to know what she’s thinking right now.

I get down on one knee so I’m eye level with her. “I f*cked up. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

There are no tears in her eyes when she looks at me, only worry. I hate that I put it there almost as much as the tears I put in them earlier. I’m the most normal person she has left in our family. That’s a pretty f*cked-up thing to think about. It’s also sobering in that I have a lot to live up to that I haven’t been. She deserves a better brother than she has at this moment.

“You didn’t call me to let me know you weren’t coming home.”

“Shit. I’m sorry for that. I was too busy getting f*cked up. I promise to call or text next time.”

“Where were you?”

She deserves an answer, but I know she’s not going to like the one I have to give and I’m not ready to talk about what’s happening between Vera and me. I try to wipe the guilt from my face. “I was with a friend.”

She studies me, her head tilted to one side as though I’m a puzzle she’s trying to work out. “Are you okay?”

“Sometimes.” It’s the most honest answer I can give.

“What’s going on with you? Lately you’ve been so…I don’t know…off.”

“I’m just trying to figure my shit out and not doing a very good job of it.”

“I think you’re doing pretty good.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I do. Other than last night, I think you’ve done well, considering.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

“Mr. Nash is impressed with your work. I’m impressed. You’re going to be okay, Beau.”

I’m stunned that she thinks that. Okay is what I aspire to, and it feels a million miles away. Like I’ll need a spaceship and a decade to reach it. I stand and go to my desk, my head full of her confidence in me. It takes me a moment to get my bearings and remember where I left off in my work on Friday.

“Thank you for the flowers.”

“You’re welcome. I wish I gave them to you for a different reason.”

“I’m going to put them in some water.”

I watch her walk out, her head bent over the bouquet. I wish I’d thought to give her flowers when she picked me up from the prison when I got out. Or when she helped me buy the things I needed for my new life. Or when she got me this job.

My phone pings with a text message. Other than Cora, Vera is the only person who texts me.

Vera: (emoji of a monkey with its hands over its ears) Me trying to sleep next to you.

Me: (smiling emoji) Me getting to sleep next to you.

Vera: What time should I be at the office? Your note didn’t say.

Me: In an hour. I need to finish a project for Cora. I have something for you.

Vera: Is that a euphemism?



I laugh out loud.

Me: No. But it could be.

Vera: It should be.

Me: Yeah?

Vera: Yeah.

Me: Then it’s definitely a euphemism.

Vera: See you in an hour.



I’m smiling when Cora walks in with her flowers in a vase and sets them on her desk. “You’re feeling better.”

“Thank God. Did I say never again?”

“Yeah, about eighty times.”

“Never, ever again.”

“I’m glad. I’d hate to see you drink away the time you just got back.”

“You didn’t tell me it was that bad with Dad.”

She lets out a heavy, resigned sigh. “I told you, but it’s something you really have to experience for yourself to believe. I’m sorry you had to see it. Maybe we can try again in a couple weeks.”

“I think I’ll go see him on my own.”

“That’s not a good idea. He can be hard to handle. Yesterday was nothing.”

“I’d like to go to an Al-Anon meeting with you again. I have a lot to learn. A lot I want to learn.”

“There’s one tomorrow around lunchtime not too far from here.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”