Always a Maiden (The Belles of Beak Street #5)(47)

“I have duties that you don’t understand and I can’t explain. I will be managing the estate in one capacity or another for the rest of my life, regardless of whether my wife brings money to the marriage or not. This is my family, and I have a role to play. I can support a wife in comfort and keep her in paints, or threads, or whatever she fancies to keep her happy.”

This was only confusing her. No one in his position would reject her inheritance. “On a steward’s salary?”

“The estate is vast. The barony is old and its prosperity has grown over the centuries.”

But it wasn’t his estate. It may belong to his mother’s family, but he would still serve at his uncle’s pleasure. Even if he didn’t intend to now, they would likely end up back with her parents. Everyone would expect him to prepare to take over the estate management from her father. His family could press one of his younger brothers into serving as their steward. Her family only had her.

“Listen to me,” Evan said. “We don’t have much time.”

“Or do you mean to delay me so long, I am caught?”

He let out an exasperated huff of air then let go of her reins. He spurred his horse forward. She followed suit.

When they arrived in front of her door, he dismounted. Reaching up to help her down. He let her slide along his body. Sensations rioted in her. Her skin tingled, her breath caught, and her breasts tightened.

He set her away from him and disappointment dropped over her like a shroud. He caught her hand and pressed something faintly warm and hard in it. “Even if you don’t marry me, don’t marry Farringate. I would like to think you are happy no matter what.”

She would be happiest away from her parents. Lord Farringate would at least offer that. She had a duty to marry well. It was the only thing her parents asked of her. “The onus on me is to marry a man of some rank. Lord Farringate has been nothing but kind to me, and he is an earl.”

“So you do plan to accept his offer,” Evan said tightly.

“I am not encouraging him,” she replied. But there wasn’t anyone else either. “But his offer might be the best I receive.”

She hesitated, wanting Evan to say something or do something to change the outcome, but he couldn’t jump up to becoming a lord. She looked at her hand and saw the tin of candied almonds. It was a mark that for at least one moment he’d thought about her and noticed what she liked. Somehow looking at it caused her nose to sting. She couldn’t have anything around her that would make her emotional, not when she went inside and donned her perfectly proper persona. She pushed out her hand. “I can’t take this.”

He backed away, ignoring the refusal of his gift and shaking his head. “I don’t like candied almonds.”

He affixed the long lead to the mare with choppy motions as if he just wanted away.

“So this is it?” she said in a small voice. She didn’t even know why she was lingering. She should go inside before she was caught. Would he not kiss her goodbye? But then why would he if he didn’t particularly want to kiss her?

“My lady, I wish you all the happiness you can find in your neat stitches because you won’t find any with Farringate. Good day.”

Her chest became like a vise as he mounted his gelding and turned away. Was this it? She wanted to call him back, demand he kiss her goodbye, but to what end? She still wouldn’t be able to be with him—not as his wife. Or could she? Heavens above had he really asked her to marry him? And had she just made the biggest mistake of her life?

She needed to think about it or talk to someone about it, but the only person she’d shared private matters with was him. Shaking her head she found her key and put it in the lock. The predawn light had turned everything a fuzzy gray tinged with pink.

Her heart thudded painfully as she peeked around the door. The emptiness of the entry hall didn’t give her any sense of relief. Crossing the marble, her boots seemed to click out mistake, mistake, mistake. Each step she climbed the weight on her increased until she could barely take the last few steps. A tiny voice promised she would feel lighter if she ran outside and called Evan back, but how could she put her own happiness ahead of her duty?

No one was about, no maids, no footmen, nor was the housekeeper standing in the corridor. But it was dreadfully still as if the walls were closing in. She opened her bedroom door and carefully shut it behind her. She let out a slow sigh that she had made it safely to her room.

Her room was too dark to see as the drapes were pulled shut. The fire had long since burned out, but she knew the layout of her room. She tiptoed across the floor toward her bed.

“It is about time you returned home,” said a voice from the chair by the fireplace. Her father’s voice.

She froze one foot in the air as if that would stop him from seeing her. Her blood turned to ice, and her abused heart thundered.

She put her foot down and turned towards him. Her eyes adjusted to the dimness. His form took shape.

“Where have you been?” he demanded.

“Hyde Park,” she answered truthfully. There wasn’t any point in lying.

“Hyde Park is gated at night,” he scoffed.

“Apparently, a bribe is all that is needed to gain access.” She hoped he didn’t think she was being impertinent. She didn’t think she was, but her mother often accused her of it. Belatedly she added, “I’m sorry.”