Always a Maiden (The Belles of Beak Street #5)(45)

“Depends on what?” She put the piece of bread on her napkin lest she play with it.

“You.”

His answer startled her. How could it depend on her?

“If you think I require more lessons, then I don’t. I have waited too long, and I don’t suppose we should continue meeting like this.” She said the words she knew she should, but it was if some giant ground his heel down on her.

“Come now, darling. Surely, this is no longer about lessons.”

She rolled her shoulders, but she couldn’t look up at him. “I just think it is too dangerous to continue slipping out when the housekeeper knows and would be forced to admit it if she were questioned.” To her dismay, her voice had wavered. “If they learn I have been going out unchaperoned, my parents will throttle me. They have been watching me so closely, I believe they suspect something.”

“Then with your permission, I will speak to your father.”

“About what?” What could he talk to her father about? Lord Farringate’s propensity to bury wives? That she had been sneaking out to meet with him? He couldn’t think telling on her would be a good idea. Her muscles tensed.

“Susanah,”—he lowered his head so he was in her line of vision—“you don’t have to marry a man you don’t care about just for his title. You could marry me instead.”

She was fairly vibrating with uncertainty. “Are you proposing?”

He smiled. “Lady Susanah, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

For a second she felt buoyant like a hot air balloon lifting off the ground and soaring. “Do you love me?”

His expression stiffened and the awful truth became clear to her. His smile became like her practiced ones. All the sudden she understood what he meant when he said she didn’t smile with her eyes. But the thought was a distraction from the crushing truth. He didn’t love her. He didn’t even seem to want to kiss her.

“I want to protect you. I want you to be happy. To make you happy.” He frowned as if the words weren’t coming easily to him.

He didn’t love her. More likely, he didn’t want to take up his duties as a steward. He wanted to remain a gentleman free to stay in society and conduct his affairs while financing such a lifestyle on her dowry and expectations. Blood rushed in her ears and she felt humiliated. “I think not.”

He’d still been talking, but now he gaped at her.

It wasn’t the proper way to refuse him. “I am cognizant of the honor you do me, but no, Mr. Cooper, I can’t marry you. Furthermore, I would like to leave now.”





Chapter 12





Evan couldn’t quite believe Susanah had refused him so resoundingly. He’d been in the middle of enumerating all the ways he wanted to care for her and possibly that meant he loved her, but he’d been too slow.

Did he love her? He’d been unprepared for the question, which was stupid of him. He had to offer her something to counterbalance his lack of rank. Just because Susanah hid her emotions didn’t mean she wasn’t like every other woman who wanted a man’s admiration and devotion. She had more of that from him than he ever would have predicted. Bloody hell, was that love?

She was marching off toward the gate, which she would find locked.

His heart thudding, he rose and scuttled after her. How could he convince her she would be better off married to him? “Susanah, wait!”

She drew to a stop but didn’t turn to face him.

“At least give me a chance to explain.” When he laid his hands on her shoulders to turn her, she ducked away. Feeling thoroughly rebuffed, he dropped his hands.

“I told you I wouldn’t marry you.” She whirled and pointed a finger at him. Her eyes snapped, and her mouth was crimped in anger. “I told you that in the beginning.”

He stepped back. Why was she angry? “Yes, you did, but I don’t see how you’ll be happy if you marry Farringate.” Beyond happy, he wasn’t certain she’d be alive in ten years if she married Farringate. Although, there weren’t any whispers of him killing his wives or anything so dastardly. No, they did that themselves, although it wasn’t talked about. Or really no one knew for certain. But at least two of the accidental deaths seemed to have been self-inflicted calamities. “He isn’t known for making his wives happy.”

“And you would make me happy?” she scoffed. “Besides who says I am marrying Lord Farringate? You probably just want to marry me so you don’t have to be your uncle’s steward.”

“No.” He shook his head. “I will still be my uncle’s steward.”

She rolled her eyes. “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

He’d meant to explain his circumstances after she’d agreed to let him approach her father. But she’d asked the question, and he’d told her the truth. Perhaps what he needed to do was explain that his uncle’s barony would go to his mother, then to him or his son one distant day. Except how could he without revealing his family secrets to a woman who’d turned him down. He was duty bound to not speak freely about Gilbert to just anyone. Although, he had considered that an exception might be made when he spoke to her father.

Stepping forward he tried again. “I do care about you. Quite possibly, I love you. I’ve certainly never felt this way—”