Always a Maiden (The Belles of Beak Street #5)(40)
“Most people wouldn’t,” he said wryly. “Why would your stable master put an inexperienced rider on a difficult horse?”
“I don’t know.” She had a vague memory of the groom leading out one horse and a whispered conversation with her mother before that horse was taken back inside and another led out. “You don’t think it was my fault?”
“It seems to me that anything you might enjoy has been purposely withheld or destroyed for you,” Evan said with a tightness she recognized might harbor anger. Unlike with her parents, his anger didn’t seem to be directed at her. The way his thumb rubbed the small of her back was soothing and seductive at the same time.
Could her mother have instructed the grooms to put her on a disagreeable horse? The idea was shocking really. Her mother didn’t like to ride, although she could if needed. But she always said a lady shouldn’t smell of horse and leather. Susanah made a decision that shook her and made her knees knock. “Then I should like to try to ride.”
Chapter 11
Evan wasn’t certain if he should put Susanah on horseback or just attempt to get her comfortable with the beasts. It was ironic, Gilbert couldn’t ride. Susanah could, but was too afraid. Although, she was willing to try.
“Do you want to ride here or wait until we’re in the park?” he asked her.
She shivered again. Her eyes widened. How would she enjoy riding when she was terrified?
“In the park,” he answered for her. Horses could react to their riders’ emotions. He wanted to be able to walk beside her until she was comfortable. He couldn’t do that if he was also riding. Plus Rotten Row was not cobbled. A landing on the aggregate of gravel and tan would be softer than landing on the hard street surface—not that he wanted her to fall.
On the other hand, reacquainting Susanah with riding was the least of his concerns. There were serious matters they needed to discuss, but first, he wanted to distract her from her fear of horses. He wanted her happy, not afraid.
“I have missed you and our meetings these last few days.” He’d missed kissing her and holding her. He’d woken more than one time in the middle of the night on fire for her, which left him shaken. He’d also woken from nightmares where he swam against some unseen force that held him immobile when he was trying to save her. Which left him even more shaken. “I dream about you.”
She stiffened, ever so slightly.
He continued on, brushing past the worry that her stiffening was a repudiation of the idea that he wanted her. “I didn’t know how to get word to you. I hoped you would find a way to let me know you were all right.”
“I couldn’t. My mother scarcely lets me out of her sight since I’ve been allowed out of my room.”
“I noticed,” he said dryly. “You weren’t dancing last night.”
“Is that why you sent Lord Hull to ask me to dance?” she asked.
“Did he tell you that?” Damn the man. “He should have been more discreet.”
“You are the one who involved him. I wish you hadn’t. I don’t like that he knows I’ve been alone with you when I shouldn’t have been.”
“If I had realized before last night that he was convinced you were at the Cyprian’s ball, I would have asked him to call on you.” A twinge of guilt hit him. Hull had suspected, but the final confirmation might have been Evan showing up at Almack’s and watching her across the room. But then again, Hull had already bet against Farringate marrying Susanah. He had been convinced there was something between Evan and her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a tale of forbidden love that had them meeting. “I am sorry, darling. I thought I had persuaded him to believe I was with another woman, but he wasn’t deterred.”
She sighed. “My slippers gave me away.”
“I shouldn’t have taken you there.” He’d been too blasé about the risks to her when he took her to the Cyprian’s ball. Of course, he hadn’t entirely been aware of the nature of her family life. He hadn’t understood that the reason she behaved like an automaton was because her spirit was being systematically crushed. If he’d known why she was so devoid of passion, he would have taken her off alone so she could shake off her years of browbeating and inculcation in private.
“No, it was lovely and now I know how to waltz if it should ever be thought decent.” She put her head against his shoulder.
He didn’t know if she was saying that because she had rigid rules of acceptable things to say or if she truly meant it. Then again the trusting nature of Susanah leaning into him, stirred his protective instincts. He wanted to keep her safe. Yet, the feel of her against his side aroused other instincts as well, desires better left dormant. Seducing her would only complicate matters between them. He didn’t want her caught in the moment when he asked her to consider her options. When he asked her to marry him.
The park was just ahead and the man who was to let them through the gates stood waiting. Evan made certain the hood on the cloak he’d put around Susanah hid her face as much as possible. The man wasn’t likely to recognize her, but Evan wasn’t taking any chances.
That she had turned to him for help was a mark of desperation. After all, she should have expected a man with his reputation to destroy her. Or perhaps she had wanted to be ruined so she became damaged goods. Although that likely wouldn’t reduce her value on the marriage mart as much as she thought it would. Just as he might have wanted to be caught when he took her home well after dawn. If she had been found out, his hand would have been forced.