Always a Maiden (The Belles of Beak Street #5)(37)

Her mother put a hand to her brow and said in a scathing voice, “You have been a disappointment from the first moment your gender was revealed.”

“Yes, ma’am,” answered Susanah. She knew this. But being told again made her insides curl, turn gray, and then blacken as though she were a scrap of foolscap tossed into the fire.

“I don’t know why you cannot manage to do your duty.”

“I am trying,” she protested. She looked somewhere in the vicinity of her mother’s chin. To look anywhere else, she would be thought not paying attention. She just wanted this over with so she could crawl into her bed. As long as her mother didn’t bring up Evan again, she would consider herself lucky. “I had every intention of marrying Lord Ashton, but he withdrew his offer.”

“That was years ago,” her mother said. “In the intervening seasons, in spite of the finest ball gowns, the extensive lessons in deportment, and the utmost exposure to the ton, you’ve failed to bring one single acceptable gentleman to a proposal. Not one, Susanah.”

All the fortune hunters who’d professed undying devotion didn’t count, she supposed. Not that she intended to marry one of them or believed they truly cared about her. “Yes, ma’am.”

“I had three offers before I accepted your father.” She held up three fingers as if Susanah needed help to count that high. “Three in my first season. I don’t know why you find this so difficult.”

“I am certain you were much prettier than I was when I was presented.” And her mother hadn’t been competing with the belles, who not only were beautiful, but passionate and animated. Men were drawn to them like bees to clover.

Her mother narrowed her eyes and looked at her. She was still a handsome woman if past the age of beauty.

“When you were presented,” Susanah added.

“What did he say to you?” snapped her mother as if the flattery had only served to remind her of her original purpose in dragging Susanah into the drawing room.

Susanah’s gut clenched and turned watery. She fought to keep her expression bland, and said the only thing she thought might distract her mother. “Lord Hull said that Lord Farringate has outlived four wives. Do you think that is cause for concern?”

Her mother missed a beat and Susanah was almost celebrating inside.

“He has suffered some tragedies, yes. There is no reason to believe his misfortune will continue. You are young and healthy.”

Or the political alliance her father would gain would outweigh whatever pain her passing might cause.

“I don’t know why you would allow Lord Hull to influence you with unfounded gossip.” Mother’s mouth pursed. “You should not have allowed him to speak about such things to you.”

Of course, it was her fault. “I did not solicit his comment.” Susanah watched her mother’s nostrils flare. “Perhaps he meant to denigrate the competition.” The competition to Evan, not that Evan wanted to marry her. But she rushed on fearing her mother would see something in her face. “I think that was the moment I scowled. I was shocked that he would say such a thing without encouragement or preamble.”

Tension crept through her and her legs began to shake, but she forced her expression to stay still.

Her mother stopped pacing and sat beside her.

Susanah forced her legs to stop shaking by pressing her heels into the carpet hard enough they might be bruising.

Lady Weatdon leaned close and said in a coaxing voice, “So do you find Mr. Cooper handsome?”

Susanah was too wary to trust her mother’s change in tactic. There was something gossipy in her tone. Susanah had seen other girls sit together and whisper—but she’d never been allowed to do such a thing. So it wasn’t as if she would suddenly pretend her mother was her confidant. But the answer was tricky. “I suppose he is not ill-favored, but I don’t know how that matters as the only interest he could possibly have in me is in my dowry and inheritance.”

Her mother let the silence stretch for a while.

Susanah didn’t let herself move so much as a hundredth of an inch. Her thoughts hurtled along. She tried to imagine every possible question and form answers that would deflect her mother’s interest.

“And what did he say to you when he pulled you aside?”

“He didn’t pull me aside. He pulled Lord Hull aside to discuss some plans they had to meet.”

“Plans for what?” demanded Mother.

Speculating would only get her into trouble, and she wasn’t falling into that trap. “I don’t know. Morning plans of some sort, I imagine.”

“And why do you imagine that?”

Susanah’s heart kicked into high gear. “Mr. Cooper suggested wearing boots. A gentleman would only wear boots in the day, would he not?”

Why on earth did he suggest boots? She opened her eyes wide as she looked at her mother. She couldn’t think about that now. She tried to concentrate on patterns in her mind, stitches, and threads, colors bright and rich. Orchids. What she wouldn’t give to go back to that conservatory in bright light and when the flowers were in full bloom.

“All right, go to bed, Susanah,” said her mother.

She had likely only given up for the nonce. It was just a reprieve. Susanah couldn’t risk her prying until she confessed to meeting with Evan and kissing him. Tomorrow would have to be the last time. It wasn’t as if learning to express passion would serve her if she would be forced to marry Lord Farringate. If he locked her up in his castle, at least she would be away from her mother’s constant scrutiny. And how could she show her passion for anything when her mother would crucify her for it?