Always a Maiden (The Belles of Beak Street #5)(46)

“Don’t lie to me,” she snapped. “You probably just want to marry me so you can stay in society and seduce every other woman you see.”

Her attack was a knife to the gut. It hurt all the worse because there were grounds for her to think he was a philanderer, but he hadn’t been married and he hadn’t treated her so callously. “Is that what you think of me?”

“It is why I chose you to help me, but you probably just saw it as an opportunity to snare an heiress.”

There was no real basis for her thinking that. As he studied her, he didn’t see hurt fueling her anger. There was an element of disdain in her protests, which made him want to shake her. “If all I wanted was to marry you, then I just would have seduced you or carted you off to Scotland.”

She winced, then resumed her attack. “Yes, but seducing me might be hard to do if you don’t even want to kiss me.”

His head spun, and he sputtered, “But I do. I didn’t want to force your hand by seducing you. I intended to propose in an honorable way.”

“The way that ensured my father paid my dowry and kept me as his heiress.” The disgust was heavy in her voice.

No. That hadn’t been the point. He no longer trusted himself to kiss her and not take it much further than he should. And her father probably would have forked over a bigger dowry to keep the scandal from erupting. “I don’t care about your dowry or your inheritance.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said. “I can’t marry a steward.”

How could he argue with what she believed? He didn’t like her much at this moment, but oddly enough her passion stirred him, which made him question his sanity. But he still wanted her to agree to marry him—or at least consider it. “You’re so damn arrogant and spoilt. Is it so important that you become a countess?” Or was there some suitor other than Farringate whom she was encouraging? His thoughts turned dark. “You’ll be styled a lady whether you marry a commoner or not.”

“It is my duty to marry well. What do you know of duty?”

“More than you think,” he muttered. He could tell her about his “expectations” and his commitment to take care of his cousin. But damn it, he didn’t want her marrying him because he would be a baron. He wanted her to marry because she could care about him and he could keep her safe. “My mistake, my lady, I had no idea your opinion of me was so low. I had thought you might have some regard for me.” He shook his head. “Let me clean up our supper, and then I will see you home.”

Maybe she would be calmer, and he could reason with her. But her opinion of him was so black, he didn’t know what he could do or say to sway her. Maybe nothing. Her back to him, she stood at the rail, waiting and not bothering to help. Bloody hell, he’d gone about this all wrong. He should have planned a seduction instead of a supper. And it was too close to dawn to change his tactics. He tried one more time to hold her, but she shrugged away from him.



*

Susanah was shaking and she couldn’t seem to stop. Evan didn’t say more than was necessary as he asked her if she was willing to ride home and then boosted her onto the horse’s back. They had to wait at the park gates until a surprised attendant unlocked them. They departed while a couple of grooms with horses to exercise were let inside.

Evan didn’t offer any explanation to the man.

But it was better that he wasn’t speaking. Her thoughts were so disordered she didn’t know that she could make sense of anything. And her horse was skittish—probably reacting to her turmoil, which required all of her focus just to remain seated.

Evan stayed close enough his leg brushed her horse’s flank more than once and he murmured soothing words to the mare. He looked over at her often, but she kept her gaze straight ahead. Riding was difficult enough without trying to puzzle out what he was thinking.

The eastern horizon was lighter than the sky to the west. It would be dawn soon, and daybreak seemed ugly. It wasn’t the beautiful thing poets described or that drew an artist’s brush, just a grayness edging out the deep blue-black hues of the night. Still, the horses plodded on through the barely stirring London streets.

They were still two blocks from her house when Evan leaned over and drew her horse to a stop. “Susanah, I don’t know why you think so little of me, but I need you to listen to me.”

How could he be surprised at her low opinion? “You deceived me.”

“I have not. You may have deceived yourself, but I never deceived you. My reputation is not all to the good, I’ll admit, but I am not the villain you think I am. I have done my best to treat you with honor, although that is the last thing I wanted to do.”

He lied. He may have wanted to kiss her, but after her poor showing in the conservatory, he likely decided kissing her wasn’t worth the bother. Nor was taking her to a Cyprian’s ball the least bit noble. Then again what bothered her more than anything was his outrageous flirtation with the dark-haired woman at Almack’s. He’d done it right in front of her. That showed how little he thought of her. Her eyes burned, and she looked away towards the gray sky. “I need to get back.”

He let out a loud puff of air. “I beg you to consider your options. You are of age. You don’t need your father’s approval to marry me.”

If she had a brother, she wouldn’t bear the entire weight of the future of her family and its legacy. But she didn’t. “My duty—”