A SEAL's Courage (Military Match #1)(17)
*
A couple hours later Trent was still holding down the chairs. Lauren was still in the middle of that crowd, still surrounded by men, all seeming to hang on her every word. She was in fine form tonight. Clearly she’d meant what she’d said. She intended to enjoy herself. Though he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her quite this relaxed. She didn’t seem like herself at all.
Some part of him told him he ought to go home, but he still couldn’t make himself leave. He couldn’t stop thinking about the last thing she’d said to him.
Those words haunted him. I just can’t pretend anymore that being your friend is really what I want. Because it isn’t. What she’d said next bothered him the most: I realize that kiss probably meant nothing to you, but it was something to me.
She was so very wrong. He didn’t want to be that guy, another asshole on her list, but if he gave in to the desire burning through him, that’s exactly what he would be. He couldn’t give her forever. Oh, he knew Lauren would never do to him what Wendy had, but he wasn’t sure he wanted a forever or believed in it anymore, and he refused to treat Lauren like a warm body. She deserved better.
Neither could he regret that kiss. For a moment he remembered what it was to be human again. That was the problem with being around her. He was addicted to the way she soothed his soul. Her words had kept him company for the last two hours, taunting him with what he wanted so badly his balls ached. To be her first.
The thought of her making love to anyone else, to one of these yahoos who could easily hurt her, had his gut tied in sickening knots and his hands curling into fists where they rested on his thighs. The images filled his head. Her bare skin and soft curves wrapped around someone who wasn’t him. Her calling out someone else’s name. Tension skittered along his nerve endings, and his right thigh began to bounce.
Will slid into the seat beside him, nudging him with an elbow and jarring him from his tangled thoughts. “How you holding up?”
Trent darted a sideways glance at his brother. “I’m okay.”
At least he was in the regard Will was referring to. The shit in his head. The combat stress. Despite the crowd and the noise, Lauren kept him focused. Grounded. Like always.
“Are you?”
“I’m okay.” He leaned over to bump Will’s shoulder for reassurance.
Since he’d come home, Will had become overprotective, like everyone else in his family. With Will, though, it was different. They’d watched out for each other since they were kids, and because they knew each other so well, Will saw far more than anybody else. When Trent needed something or when something bothered him. Like now. No doubt Will had noticed his silence and tension.
Now, however, Trent couldn’t resist the pull of a confidant. If there was one person in this world he could talk to without being judged, it was Will.
He looked over the crowd, watching Lauren. A slow song had started, and some other guy had her in his arms. Which did nothing but give him a fucking visual to go with the tormenting images swirling in his brain. “Hypothetical question.”
Will laughed. “They’re never hypothetical.”
Trent furrowed his brow but couldn’t contain his grin. “Hypothetical question.”
Will leaned back in the chair, folding his hands over his stomach. “All right. Lay it on me.”
“Assuming you were single…if a woman offered you a night with her, would you take her up on it?” Truth was, he wasn’t really a one-night-stand kind of guy. Down deep he was a home and family man. He craved a connection, not merely a warm body in bed beside him.
But with the divorce and the war still fresh in his mind, it was all he had to give. He had no desire to put his heart through the ringer again. Nor did he think he was capable of something more than fleeting right now. He could handle short term as long as it was on his terms.
Despite the nature of the question, Will didn’t so much as flinch. “Do it.”
Trent laughed, all sense of pretense gone, and looked over at Will. “You don’t even know who she is.”
Will shrugged, half-hearted and dismissive, and glanced over at him, his gaze somber. “Doesn’t matter. You need it, bro. Mom and Mandy are right. You’re isolating too much. It’s not healthy. If she’s caught your attention enough that you’re even pondering taking her up on her offer, then follow wherever it leads.”
Trent turned back to Lauren’s form in the crowd. “Even if you considered her a friend?”
“Especially if she’s a friend. It means she won’t use you.” Will pushed to his feet and settled a hand on his shoulder, his voice lowering. “She won’t, you know.”
Will’s blatant statement told him in no uncertain terms he really wasn’t hiding his attraction to Lauren well. Not that he should be surprised. He and Will never could keep anything from each other.
Except Will’s acute observation had the confusion swirling in his head again. His overwhelming desire for Lauren warred with the need to hold on to her friendship whatever the cost.
“But I’d be using her.” The knowledge settled in his chest like so much guilt, heavy and oppressive, reinforcing how wrong it was to take Lauren up on her offer. “I can’t do that to her. I can’t give her more than that, and I won’t give her less. I’ve lost too many friends already. I don’t want to risk losing her, too. She’s a bright spot in the darkness.”