A SEAL's Courage (Military Match #1)(16)

The images swirled in his head, bright flashes of things he’d give both his arms to forget. Or not to have seen at all. So he drew a breath and kept going, before he lost the nerve to say the words. Or the hell in his head sucked him under.

“When I need someone, you’re there. No questions asked. No lectures. No fussing. I’ve lost far too many friends over the years. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

Lauren didn’t say anything for so long he feared he’d simply pushed her too far, but after a moment she sighed and leaned her head against his cheek. “You okay with this crowd?”

The soft concern in her voice settled somewhere inside, filling him with a warmth he didn’t know what to do with. It told him in no uncertain terms that she saw all those things he’d never meant to show her. Like he was made of clear glass. Which only made her that much harder to resist. Wendy had only seen the SEAL, the man in uniform. She’d had ideas about who he was, insisted he live up to them, and for a while he’d tried in a vain attempt to make her happy. Because he’d convinced himself he loved her. And he supposed he had.

She’d never looked at him the way Lauren had the other night, though. Which only served to fill his head with questions he shouldn’t ponder.

He shrugged. “The music makes my head pound, but I’m all right.”

She rubbed his chest, the warmth of her hand burning his skin through his shirt. “It’s sweet of you to come, but you don’t have to stay if it’s difficult.”

“And miss getting to dance with the birthday girl? Not a chance.” Tempted to take her hand in his, or tug her closer, he forced himself to pull back enough to meet her gaze and smiled. “You look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

Her smile lit up her whole face. “I am. I decided tonight I was going to forget all my damn rules. After all, it’s my birthday, and you only live once, right? I’m pretty sure I’m already drunk, but I haven’t had this much fun in far too long.”

“Well, you deserve it. I have something for you, by the way. It was too big to bring with me.” The gift was probably lame, but his heart was in it at least. He’d picked up wood carving as a kid, using old sticks he found. His therapist had recommended he try it as a way to occupy his mind on those nights he had trouble. Turned out, his therapist was right. Carving gave him something to focus on and took him out of the painful memories.

Since he’d started spending a lot of time with Lauren, many pieces had been inspired by her.

Her brows rose. “Oh?”

“A birthday present. I’ll have to borrow Will’s car, but I’ll bring it by tomorrow.”

She studied him for a moment, something working behind her eyes. “Come over for lunch?”

“Sure.”

She turned her head, gazing off to her right, the corners of her mouth twitching. “Good. You owe me a date anyway, since our last one got cut shorter than I’d hoped.”

On some plane, he knew she was teasing, but guilt nudged his gut all the same. She was right. He did owe her. And then some. “I tell you what. How ’bout you come to my place. I’ll cook, to make up for it.”

“Deal.” Her tone held smugness, but she leaned her cheek against his again and Trent forgot everything but the feel of her body swaying against him.

The song was woefully short, the soft romantic strains fading, replaced by an upbeat tune that thumped off the walls. As the couples around them disentangled, bodies once again surging to the new beat, he and Lauren stopped moving. Hands on his shoulders, she pulled back. The way she stared at him, the luscious tension rising between them, had him dreaming of what if. Namely, taking her up on her offer. Hell. Maybe a fling with Lauren was exactly what he needed to push him into the land of the living again. Into finally moving past the shit he’d seen overseas. God, he was tempted.

Lauren flashed a soft smile, and the warmth in her big brown eyes filled his soul. “If I don’t see you again tonight, thank you for coming. It means a lot to me. I wasn’t sure you would, all things considered.”

Damn it. There it was. The soft side of her, the one that pulled at the lonely ache deep inside. He released his hold on her. If he didn’t, he’d be pulling her back and attaching his mouth to hers.

Neither could he force himself to release contact with her entirely. Instead he cupped her chin in his palm, stroking her supple skin with this thumb. “We’re friends. I couldn’t not be here.”

He’d hoped his words would finally soothe the wound between them, but Lauren froze in front of him. Her shoulders rounded as a palpable hurt filled her eyes.

“I’m really beginning to hate that word,” she said, as if half to herself. “Friends. I tried to swallow my feelings earlier, because I appreciated what you shared with me. I know that’s very painful stuff for you, and it can’t have been easy to talk about it. But dancing with you, being close to you like this? I just can’t pretend anymore that being your friend is really what I want. Because it isn’t. I realize that kiss probably meant nothing to you, but it was something to me.”

She pushed out of his arms and sidestepped around him, and all he could do was watch her go. In trying to put her back in a safe place, all he’d done was hurt her. For the second time he had to ask himself, if he’d done the right thing, why did he feel like a complete ass?