A SEAL's Courage (Military Match #1)(22)

After several moments, he released a heavy breath. “That feeling gets to me, too. My apartment is empty. There’s no life there. Not even in me. Believe me. I understand the need. If all you want for your birthday is to be held, I’m happy to provide the warm body.”

Knowing he understood made the decision easier. She scooted closer, tucked herself against his side, and rested her head on his shoulder, laying her hand on his stomach. His strong arm settled around her, drawing her tighter against him, and his hand settled over hers, clasping her fingers.

It was awful how right lying with him felt, knowing he didn’t feel the same way about her. In the morning he’d leave and they’d go back to normal. Just friends. But for tonight he was solid and comforting, and she needed it. She needed him. Never mind he was still fully clothed, or that she knew this didn’t have the same power for him as it did for her. His scent filled her lungs every time she drew a breath, and her whole body relaxed, the tension from earlier draining, lost in him.

“Trent?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

He turned his head, his lips warm and soft as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Sleep, doll. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

*



Trent bolted upright in the bed and scanned the darkened room around him. His heart hammered like a freight train, and his chest was tight. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath for the life of him. Images continued to pop through his mind, vivid and corporeal. The boom of the IED blast. The pain-filled screams of the team members who’d been out with him that day. Then total eerie silence before the blackness swallowed him.

Where the hell was he now? This wasn’t the hospital. In the hospital, there’d been the steady beeps of the machines they’d hooked him up to. This appeared to be someone’s house, but whose? His? Mom and Dad’s?

He threw the covers back and swung his legs over the side of the bed when the light in the attached bathroom caught his attention. His mind filled with the image of Lauren, of the soft vulnerability in her eyes as he lay beside her on the bed, and reality rushed over him.

Lauren’s. He was at Lauren’s. In her bed.

“Fuck.” He swore softly and released the breath pent up in his chest. Being in an unusual place had clearly triggered the nightmares. He’d never been in Lauren’s bedroom before, and it had been too damn long since he’d slept beside another person.

He braced his elbows on his knees and ducked his head into his hands. His hair was damp, and his T-shirt stuck to his chest with the sweat he’d worked up in his sleep. The warm air blowing through the apartment cooled his overheated skin, sending goose bumps shivering up and down his bare arms.

How long he sat there he didn’t know, but fatigue hung on him. The logical part of him told him to lie back down, but he couldn’t make himself do it. The images wouldn’t leave his mind. They swirled like buzzards around a dead carcass. He’d been here enough times to know. The instant he closed his eyes, they’d come again, and the thought had grief tightening like a steel band around his chest. Part of him didn’t want to ever forget. Those men deserved someone to remember them.

A larger part of him simply wanted peace. He wanted to sleep a single night for a full eight hours. Wanted to wake up fully rested and not in a panic. So far since he’d come home, he hadn’t been able to accomplish it even once.

The bed shifted behind him. “You okay?”

Lauren’s sleep-roughened voice drifted through the darkness, calling to him like a lighthouse beacon, and the last of the tension finally drained from his body.

For her sake, he shot a smile over his shoulder, but couldn’t bring himself to face her. “I’m fine. I’m sorry I woke you.”

“It’s okay. Was it the dreams again?”

He made a sound of acknowledgment, thought about feeding her a flimsy excuse. After all, he was supposed to be keeping his distance from her, and sleeping in her bed had him walking a fine, thin line. But neither could he resist her presence. He needed that special something about her that calmed the panic. “I woke up and couldn’t remember where I was for a second.”

He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. The memories continued to swirl, and the shaking wouldn’t stop. More than he ever had, he longed to lose himself in her. To bury his face in her neck and inhale her scent. To find her mouth in the darkness and lose every thought in his head in the lush softness of her body beneath him.

“I’m okay. I just need a few minutes to reorient myself.” If he touched her now, he didn’t know if he could stop himself from doing everything he’d promised himself he wouldn’t.

Lauren shifted in the bed behind him. It wasn’t until her soft perfume floated around him that he realized she’d scooted up behind him. Her body warmed his back, but she kept her hands to herself. “Okay if I touch you?”

He wanted to laugh. It wasn’t just okay. He needed that touch like he needed to draw his next breath. But he knew damn well he wasn’t anything she needed or deserved, and right then his nerves were all on edge. He flat out didn’t trust himself not to touch her. So he went for elusive and noncommittal. “I’ve passed the point where you need to tell me before you touch me. As long as you don’t startle me, it’s okay.”

Lauren shifted again, setting her legs on either side of his, and wrapped her body against his back. Her arms came around his rib cage, her soft, warm hands resting on his pecs. She then laid her cheek against his back and went still. “I’m here if you need to talk.”