A Place in the Sun(63)

“Hey, don’t look at me—Mopsie picked everything out himself! Now come on, let’s go to bed and we’ll talk it over in the morning.”

Really, I couldn’t bear another argument. I needed Gianluca to follow me into the bed and breakfast and come into my room. I needed tangible proof that we were back to normal. I set the kitten down with a few toys inside my room and then dimmed the lights. Moonlight streamed in from the window as I tugged my dress overhead. Gianluca was there immediately, stroking his hand up the side of my body, over my waist and ribs. His touch was feather-light, as if he were nervous to scare me away. I was glad to be facing away from him so he couldn’t see my eyes squeeze shut or the look of heartbreak on my face. His fingers gripped me tight and pulled me back against him. There was no better feeling than being wrapped in his arms and I could almost convince myself he was about to make love to me.

It truly felt like it. He swore he missed me, saying it in English and Italian so many times that I believed him. His mouth and hands were everywhere, moving over me with a sort of greed that convinced me I’d done the right thing. I couldn’t stand how good it was, how excruciatingly painful it felt to have his mouth on mine again. He kissed me slowly and passionately as I dragged my hand up to cradle the back of his neck. I pulled him closer and his mouth moved over mine, kissing me hard and not pulling away until I was nearly breathless. We weren’t good at everything together, but we’d mastered this.

He pushed me back onto the bed, pulling my panties down with a sharp tug. He worked on his jeans, unzipping them quickly and then spreading my thighs on the bed. He crawled back on top of me, using his knees to keep my thighs split as he slid inside, spreading me as I cried out.

It was different than before—frenzied. He pulled back and held my hips and thrust back into me. I’d never been taken like that before, over and over. It was pain and it was bliss, agony and ecstasy. He held me hostage, possessing me body and soul.

I clung to his shoulders and let out soft moans when he thrust back in all the way. His fingers found their way between my thighs as my legs wrapped around his waist. The position offered no reprieve; I was at his mercy as he circled his fingertips, faster and faster.

“I…Gianluca—”

I was so close to crumbling. My hands fisted his hair. He sped up his rhythm, dropping his mouth to capture my lips. His tongue swirled with mine as my legs started to convulse. Tiny sparks started to spread and I knew he could feel me come around him. He pumped into me a few more times, finding his own release with a powerful shudder and a soul-stealing kiss.

After, we stayed there, him still inside me as I struggled to catch my breath.

I kept my eyes squeezed closed and I could sense him doing the same, clinging to the moment for as long as possible.

Eventually, I tried to move, but my muscles ignored my brain’s commands. It was with loads of effort that I eventually sat up. Gianluca pulled back, kissed my cheek, and pulled me to stand. We washed up and got ready for bed in sated silence. I met his gaze in the mirror while we were brushing our teeth and he offered up a guarded smile. We weren’t yet out of the woods, but there was hope for us, I thought.





I HADN’T EXPECTED Georgie to push the idea of keeping things casual between us. After our dramatic blowup, I’d been a wreck, trying to decide how to proceed without hurting her. The way she’d looked at me after she’d found Allie’s things…it was as if I’d been cheating on her. She’d wanted to make me feel guilty for keeping Allie’s things and I’d jumped down her throat, angry with myself more than her.

The truth was, I couldn’t offer her my future. Pinning it on some undying love for Allie was an oversimplification: in reality, things were much more complicated. Sure, I still thought about Allie on most days, and I did love all the memories we’d made together, but the reason I couldn’t move on had very little to do with eternal devotion to my dead wife. It was more like I was trying to climb a new mountain when I’d left all my ropes and harnesses on the previous one. I just wasn’t equipped with any of the tools to safely ascend, which led to the inevitable fall with Georgie.

Things might have been simpler if I knew how to get it all back, how to free my heart from its prison, but I didn’t have the key and I didn’t know the sentence. The more I tried to make sense of my feelings for Georgie, the more confused I became. I needed a bit more time with her. We’d only known each other for a few months, hardly any time at all.

Just a short time before, I’d never wanted a Georgie in my life. I’d been perfectly content living out my days on my own. I had the villa and my repair work. I loved to fish and tend to the garden around my home.

I had no need for love in my life. I’d experienced an abundance of it already, more than most people can hope to have in their entire lives. I’d counted myself lucky and I’d pushed the idea of finding someone else so far into the back of my mind that Georgie had taken me by utter surprise.

Forgetting Georgie was clearly the easiest way forward. It was a well-worn path, flat and featureless, and I knew it by heart after five years of traversing it. I wouldn’t need to climb, wouldn’t need to fall.

But it was too late; I already loved Georgie. So, I found a solid foothold, and I climbed.



…



I knew Georgie well enough to see that things had changed since our discussion the night before. Mopsie aside, she wanted to try to put the cat back into the bag, and I was too selfish to tell her it wouldn’t work. I wanted things to go back to the way they had been as badly as she did. No pressure, no future, no ultimatums, just an easy sort of life together. There was something off about her though, like I was watching a flickering projection of the way things had been before. She still smiled and laughed. She kissed me when I bent low to greet her hello in the morning, but her smile stopped at her cheeks and her eyes betrayed her unease. She’d pulled away and I was too scared to bring up the reasons why.