A Place in the Sun(62)
He tried to cut me off, but I trudged on, forcing my point.
“She was—is the love of your life. I don’t want to replace her, and I don’t want you to have to pick me over her.” I paused and turned back to him. “This thing between us is wonderful, but we’ve agreed that it’s temporary, so let’s keep it like that, yeah? I won’t be in Vernazza forever and I’m sure I’ll eventually find someone who’s a little better suited to me.” I smiled to emphasize my point, though the idea of meeting someone else overwhelmed me with an immense sadness.
He looked torn. “I don’t want it to end either, but I also don’t want you to waste your time on me. You’re beautiful, Georgie. You’ve got this thing about you, a real magnetism that everyone can see. I don’t want you to wait around for me to move on, because honestly, I don’t know when these feelings are supposed to pass. I can’t give you a timeline.”
No, no. I wanted to be with him. I needed to be with him. It wasn’t wasted time, not at all.
“Right now, I don’t want anyone else. How’s that? I want to be with you—warts and all.”
He smiled and my heart skipped a beat. I felt a bit wild standing there, exhausted from the past few days and drunk with the selfish need to have him take me back. My breathing kept catching short of a lungful and my stomach was in knots, waiting to drop. I felt like sinking to my knees and begging him, pleading with him to forget about our fight, to forget how I’d reacted. I was calmer now, more levelheaded. I could share him. I could contain my greed this time. He would be the wound and the bandage.
“I’m sorry. About the other day…what I said, I didn’t mean that. I just got so angry when you brought up Allie—”
After everything, it still hurt when he said her name, like he was grazing my heart with the point of a dagger.
I shook my head and reached for his hands. “Let’s drop it, yeah? Let’s go back to the bed and breakfast and I’ll make us some tea. You can tell me if you like the furniture I added yesterday and we can pretend like this never happened, right?”
God, I was starting to sound desperate. I needed to pretend like there was no Allie and that Gianluca was the type of man who could love me if only I gave him enough time.
Sad, right?
To still pine for a man who’d told me time and time again that he didn’t fancy me like that. All my life I’d imagined myself a strong woman. I’d never let a man rule my life, had always been the one to walk away. I kept myself at a cool distance, and now suddenly I was more than happy to take any scraps Gianluca could spare, like a hungry stray.
He looked a bit pained as he nodded, like he wasn’t quite convinced, but it was
decided then. On the surface, Gianluca and I would stay the same. He’d tease me and I’d give it right back. He’d come around to the B&B and we’d spend our days together. We’d never go on official dates, but we didn’t need to. We had something better: a life together.
“Georgie, what’s that?”
I hummed and followed the path of his finger. A tiny white kitten sat on the steps of Il Mare, waiting for me. I’d seen it a few times over the last few days. The first time was the morning after Gianluca and I had our massive fight. I had thought it was a sign then, but I’d kept my distance in case it had a home. Several stray cats lived well in Vernazza, after all. But the day before, after struggling with what to do, I’d set out a bit of water and food, just in case. He hadn’t been there when Katerina had come round to drag me out for the night, but he was there now. He hopped up and started twisting in circles as we drew closer, excited to see me. I bent down, scratched behind his ear, and then picked him up in my arms.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to let him in for the night. It’s chilly out here, and he hasn’t got as much blubber as the others.”
“You can’t, Georgie. He’s got fleas.”
“No, I promise you he doesn’t.” I didn’t tell him I’d bought special shampoo and bathed the kitten the day before in the kitchen sink. “Mopsie just wants a warm place to sleep for the night.”
He didn’t bother fighting me as I opened the door and carried the cat inside. He was too focused on the name.
“Mopsie?”
I smiled. “He needed a proper name.”
“So let me know when he’s found one. How’s he supposed to go around and pick up lady cats with a name like Mopsie?”
“Why does he need lady cats when he’s got me?”
Gianluca laughed and shook his head, at a loss for words.
“You can keep him for a day or two, but then you’ll have to see about getting him a home somewhere else.”
I nodded, knowing by his retreat that Mopsie was as good as mine. Neither of us was alone in Vernazza anymore.
“Is that a litter box? Have you already been keeping this kitten with you?”
“Why isn’t that a coincidence…” (Yes, there was technically a litter box set up on the first floor, but I was going to move it somewhere away from the guests before Taylor arrived in the morning.)
“And there are toys everywhere…”
Just a few trinkets. Kittens need stimulation, after all.
“Georgie…”