A Lover's Lament(83)

“You do take my pain away, Katie.” Cupping her cheeks in my hands, my eyes roam her face, and before I realize it, my lips are on hers. To my surprise, she doesn’t pull back, instead pushing her mouth tighter against mine, effectively sealing any gaps. Her lips are softer and sweeter than I could have imagined, and when my tongue traces the seam of her lips, she opens willing. With each stroke of her tongue against mine, my heart pounds and the pain subsides just a little bit more.




I awoke to a nearly empty plane and a flight attendant poking me in my side. A Post-it note was stuck to the seat in front of me, and it read:



Tried to wake you up.

You’re quite the heavy sleeper, but don’t worry, you didn’t drool.

I have a connection flight I must make.

Nothing but the best to you, soldier.

Chase your heart. Find Katie.

Cheryl



The Post-it note remains clutched in my hand as I board my last flight, take a seat in the rear and buckle myself in. As the flight takes off and we gain altitude, I reread her note many times and can’t help but feel disappointed that I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to my sweet but chatty seatmate. It’s funny the random people you bump into and the effect they can have on you.

The violent thrashing of the plane jolts me from my thoughts and passengers start stirring in their seats. It comes and goes at first, and then a long rattle takes over that makes it feel like the plane just might break into pieces mid-air. Most of the passengers on the plane cry out, drowning out the pilot over the intercom, but I remain quiet. My pulse could beat its way through my veins, but I sit still, clutching each armrest tightly in my hands and watching the scenes of my life play like a movie in my head. I’m forced to realize the ironic and random nature of death. It is very likely that I could survive two deployments to a combat zone and die right here on the plane ride back home. What a mindf*ck.

As the chaos erupts around me and the turbulence continues to make death all too real for everyone aboard, I can’t help but think of Katie. I can’t believe how dumb I’m being, and what an insecure and jealous * I’ve been. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did on the phone. It was obvious that she wanted to see me, but I sure as hell didn’t make it clear how badly I wanted to see her. She was going to clear her schedule and then I f*cked it up.

It doesn’t matter though because I’ll make it right, even if I have to go to Tennessee. I don’t care if I have to drive all night, I will see Katie Devora, and I will tell that beautiful woman that I want her—and only her—for the rest of my life. And then I’ll explain to her that every day I’ve been without her, I’ve lost a little part of myself, and I’ll work my ass off to prove to her that I can be the man she deserves. No more walking away, and certainly no more hothead moments.

The turbulence eventually stops and people do their best to calm down, some muttering prayers, and I find myself taking a deep breath. Never again will I take for granted what Katie has given me and what she brings to my life. Never again will I let my pride get the best of me.

These thoughts are what get me through the hour-long flight from New York to Pittsburgh. I’m f*cking ecstatic at the possibility of seeing Katie, but I’m conflicted by the death of my mother and how it will feel to put her into the ground. I need to get through the funeral and say goodbye to Josephine, and then I can focus on the reunion I’ve waited ten long years for.

My foot bobs rapidly as my thoughts race, and even three Bloody Marys haven’t calmed me down. And then it happens … the loud ding followed by the flight attendant announcing our final descent. I flip open the window shade and take in the familiar sights of my old stomping grounds. One step closer to Katie.

Getting off the plane and walking into the airport is like getting hit by a wave of nostalgia. I haven’t been in this airport since the flight that took me to basic training. And though many things have changed since then, it still feels so familiar and comforting. Before I know it, I’m heading toward baggage claim with a toothy smile that I’m sure causes a few stares. I just don’t care. None of them would ever guess I was here for a funeral, and I know I should feel guilty for that, but going from a toxic war zone to a place I called home so long ago, a place without bullets, bombs, and death, is almost overwhelming. I want to strip myself from this uniform, throw on some jeans and a tee shirt, and just be normal again.

The escalator that takes us to where we pick up our baggage couldn’t be longer, or any slower, and I’m anxious to the point that I’m getting annoyed. Squeezing my eyes shut, I run a hand over my face and stifle a grown. Dropping my hand, my eyes reopen, instantly landing on a familiar set of brown eyes—although they’re not locked on me. My limbs tingle right before going completely numb, and when the escalator drops me off at the bottom, I nearly stumble to the ground.

Katie.

She’s scanning the area to the left of me, and I know that any second she’ll see me. I could call out to her, but right now I’m enjoying being able to just look at her. Her hair is longer than I remember it, and she has dark brown waves hanging messily over her right shoulder. She’s my Katie … only older, more mature. Her tits are bigger, her hourglass figure clearly defined through her tight t-shirt, and her hips are fuller too. She’s f*cking sexy and hell, and don’t get me started on those mile-long legs. Her body has definitely changed, and I can’t wait to get my f*cking hands on her.