A Lover's Lament(82)
“Oh dear, you don’t know if you’ll see her? Tell me she knows you’re on your way home.”
“She does.” I’d love nothing more than for this conversation to end, and if this were one of my guys, I would’ve told him to shut the hell up already. But I try my best to remember where I am and who I’m talking to. “I sent her my itinerary. The rest is up to her.”
She almost speaks but catches herself, then looks to be deep in thought before she continues. “Take it from a mother, though I’m sure you have your own to give you advice”—if she only knew—“but stop being such a guy!” She laughs and pats my shoulder softly. If this conversation goes on any longer…
“If you love this girl, which it sounds like you do, you need to make sure it happens. You need to do everything in your power to see her, to show her that you love her.” She waits a moment, settling back into her seat, and bowing her head. “Gosh, I’m sorry. Terry—that’s my boy—he tells me all the time I talk way too much to strangers. I just can’t help it.”
“You’re fine, ma’am. I appreciate it. I really do.” I check my watch and let out a groan as I realize only twenty minutes have passed. “I’m sorry, I hate to cut the conversation short, but I’m exhausted. I might try and get some more sleep.” I fake a yawn, though I don’t really need to … I could sleep for days. But even if I couldn’t, I don’t want to talk about Katie. And I certainly don’t want to think about the possibility of not seeing her.
“Of course! Please do, sweetie. You deserve to get some rest.”
“See you in New York, though I’m sure we’ll be having more sleep conversations before we get there, for which I apologize ahead of time.” I force a laugh and one last smile, then nuzzle my head into my arms, folded over the tray table. As I drift off to sleep, there’s only one person on my mind … Katie.
“Can I come over?” I ask, my voice trembling over the phone.
“Of course. Is everything okay? Are you okay?” It’s amazing how, almost instantly, Katie’s voice can soothe the worst of pains. I desperately want her in my arms.
“I’ll tell you about it when I get there. I just gotta get out of here.”
“Come over, please. I’ll wait for you outside.”
“Okay, I’ll see you soon.” I hang up the phone and head out the door. If my mom had given me two more damn months before she had her meltdown, I’d be sixteen and able to drive to Katie’s house. Instead, I curse her under my breath as I grab my bike from the side of the house and quickly pedal away.
The ride goes quickly, and before I know it, I’m pulling onto the gravel road that leads to Katie’s property. The porch light is on, casting a dull glow over her body, and just seeing her brings me relief. Skidding to a stop, I jump off the bike, drop it to the ground, and Katie instantly propels herself at me. She envelops me in her arms, holding me tighter than she ever has before. The warmth of her touch and the soft reassurances she’s whispering against the side of my neck make my heart throb inside my chest. I squeeze her back, nuzzling my nose into her shoulder and letting a few tears pass from my eyes to her skin. My heart is home.
“Come inside,” she whispers, taking my hand and pulling me toward the door. In this moment, I am at her complete mercy. She has my heart, and she always will.
“Devin, I don’t even know what to say.” She runs her hand softly down my cheek and I lean into it, taking in every bit of her touch. “I knew things were bad and we’ve talked about it before, but this…” She trails off and she bows her head, letting a few tears run down her cheek. I brush the tears lightly from her face and pull her against me, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.
“You don’t have to say anything, you know that. Just being here with you is enough.” She looks up, her gorgeous brown eyes sparkling with fresh tears, and it takes everything I have not to kiss her.
We have always just been friends, and although we’ve had many moments like this, we’ve never let anything go further. I’ve wanted to for so long, and not kissing her has been like a slow, painful death, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’d rather have her in my life as a friend than not have her at all.
She slips her bottom lip between her teeth and drops her head to my shoulder. “You promise this is enough?”
The first thing I want to blurt out is ‘are you f*cking kidding me?’ But I haven’t watched all those romantic comedies for nothing. I know I need to play it cool. “You’re my best friend, Katie. The person I trust more than anyone in this world. You’re the only one on this earth that could make it better. This…” I pull her even closer to me and plant my lips on the top of her head. I let them linger there a bit, breathing her in before pulling away. “This is everything.”
I can see the tears welling in her eyes, and she’s trying her hardest to keep them off of me. I place two fingers gently against her chin and turn her head toward mine. Her eyes still look down and her eyelids do the best they can to blink away the tears. “Katie,” I say, sweet but firm. She bats her eyelids several more times before looking at me. “Why are you crying?”
She sniffs and wipes her face before answering. “God, Devin… I just wish … I wish … I wish I could take all your pain away.” She rests her head against my shirt and wipes some of her tears on it. She doesn’t know this, but I love when she does that. It feels like she’s sharing a part of herself with me.