The Kiss: An Anthology About Love and Other Close Encounters(94)
River’s words mean a lot to me. Everything he said is so true. I shouldn’t spend my days living in fear and guilt. I need to look forward and look towards tomorrow. If my dad could see me now, he would not be proud of the girl I have become. What if I never met River today? I would have already taken these pills, and my mom would have had to wake up in the morning and find me in my bed. God, I didn’t even think of how this would affect my mom. She’s already been through enough in this life time. When did I turn into such a selfish bitch?
I take the cap off the pill bottle, and slowly pour the contents into the toilet. As each pill falls out of the bottle it feels like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders. I still have a long road to go, but tonight I’m taking that first step in the right direction. I walk into my bedroom and crawl into bed. I fall asleep tonight, for the first time in years, with a sense of peace. I fall asleep dreaming of a green eyed boy pushing me on a park swing.
I awake the next morning and rush to the park to meet River. As I round the corner to come up to the park, I stop dead in my tracks. The grass around the park bench has been cut down, and freshly planted flowers are all around it. Whereas yesterday there were weeds and dead grass, today flowers of all colors are softly swaying in the wind. I walk up to the bench and sit down, deeply inhaling the scent of the flowers. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, landing like raindrops onto my jeans.
I can sense him watching me before I see him. I look up and see him leaning up against a tree about 20 feet away. He has a blanket draped over his arm, and a picnic basket sitting in the grass beside his feet. I get up from the park bench and make my ways towards him.
“I’m so glad you came back. Do you like the flowers?” He reaches out and softly runs his thumb underneath my eyes, drying my tears.
“I more than like them, I love them River. Thank you so much.” He leans down and kisses my forehead and pulls me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around him and cling to him for dear life. “Thank you for being here at the park yesterday, and for spending the day with me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it meant to me.”
“Are you up for a picnic today? I want to take you somewhere, but you can’t get mad. You promise?” He looks nervous to tell me where he wants to take me, which in turn makes me nervous.
“When someone starts off a sentence with you can’t get mad, usually they are going to get mad.” How could having a picnic possibly make me mad?
He clears his throat a couple of times before speaking. “I um, I uh, want to go have a picnic with your dad. I thought we could go have lunch with him today.” He barely whispers the last part out, so I struggle to hear what he is saying.
My mouth pops open and I think I gasp, but I’m not sure. I all of a sudden feel lightheaded. He wants to go to the cemetery and have lunch with my dad? He does realize he’s in the ground right? As in he won’t be there? As in he’s in a coffin, six feet under.
“Let me explain first before you freak out, or pass out. I thought maybe we could go eat a picnic near your dad’s grave. Yesterday you said you were too scared to go visit him, so I thought maybe we could do it together. I think visiting his grave will help you let go of the guilt you carry around with you. I thought it might be nice for you to visit him regularly, and talk to him about your day, or problems you might be having. I just want to help you get over the hurdle of visiting him for the first time.” He is speaking really fast and rambling. I think he might be nervous, and if I wasn’t completely freaked out, I would think it was cute.
“I don’t know River.” I’m nervous to visit my dad because I’m scared he will be disappointed in the person I have become.
“We don’t have to. I know I just met you yesterday, and I shouldn’t stick my nose in places it doesn’t belong, but I feel a connection with you. I know we were meant to meet yesterday. I just want to help you in any way I can.” he sincerely says.
“You’re right. We were supposed to meet yesterday. Yesterday we were strangers, but today I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.” I grab his hand and start walking in the direction of the cemetery. “I can’t promise you we will stay for very long, but I’m willing to go visit his grave.”
The cemetery is a short walk from the park, so it takes us no time at all to get there. There is a huge angel statue right in the middle of the graveyard. She has her head bowed low like she is weeping for the souls who have left this earth. I know my dad is buried near the angel, so it doesn’t take us long to find his grave. When we find it, I fall to my knees in front of his tombstone and place my palms flat on the ground. So this is it. This is where he has been the whole time. I thought I would be scared to come here, or nervous. But I feel a sense of closeness with my dad. I know he is near me and that puts me at ease. We scoot over a little, that way we aren’t sitting on top of him, and lay out our picnic blanket. River packed peanut butter and jelly, Cheetos, and Pepsi for lunch. I smile at his food choice, there is no way he could have known it, but he packed all my favorites. It couldn’t be a more perfect day.
“River,” I whisper out. He looks up at me and gently brushes the hair out of my face. “Thank you for bringing me here. My mom has been trying to get me to visit my dad for years. She will be happy to know I came here today. I just miss him so much, and I thought it would be hard coming here, but you know what, it’s wasn’t. I don’t think I would have been able to do this if it wasn’t for you.”