Haven't They Grown(100)

‘And they don’t know the rest. They have no idea how much they’re not told,’ says Flora. ‘I’ve always been too frightened to say anything. They don’t know you’re a murderer. They don’t know that every time you pop back from Florida you … you … I hate you!’ She screams at him, bending double as if someone’s snapped her in half. ‘I wish you were dead, I wish I was dead,’ she sobs.

As if nothing has happened, Lewis says to me, ‘I pay Thomas and Emily Cater’s school fees too. They’re not cheap. I do all of this so that Flora can have a second chance. A new family.’

‘Pretending to be Kevin Cater’s wife?’ I say. ‘That’s her second chance? While his girlfriend pretends to be the nanny?’

‘Flora’s a mess,’ Lewis says dismissively. ‘No one would have believed in her as the nanny. Plus, I wanted her to be able to play Mummy again. Yanina’s got a Russian accent, as nannies often do. It worked better that way.’

I look at Flora. ‘How could they go along with it?’ I ask her. ‘Are they monsters too?’

She shakes her head slowly, woodenly. There’s a puzzled look in her eyes, as if she’s searching for the right word to describe Kevin and Yanina.

‘You’ve never had a really large amount of money, have you, Beth?’ Lewis says. ‘Life-changingly large, I mean. Cater and Yanina have. I’ve never explicitly told them that Flora’s drunken binge caused Georgina’s death, but I know it’s what they both think happened.’ He looks pleased with himself. ‘Remember, Flora has also “gone along with it”, as you put it. All these years. She could have walked away from that house any time she chose to. She could have gone to the police if she thought what I was inflicting on her was so terrible. But she never did, and she never will. That ought to tell you something.’

‘Because I know you’d kill my children,’ Flora tells him. Like an everyday wife reminding her husband of the bad thing that will happen if they don’t both take care to avoid it. I know what I’m hearing, yet part of me is still thinking, ‘Is there anything else that this could all mean? It can’t mean what I think it does.’

‘You’re making that up.’ Lewis sneers at Flora. ‘I’ve never said it.’

‘Why are they called Thomas and Emily?’ The gun in his hand is no longer pointed at me. I didn’t notice him lowering his arm, which is now by his side. If he fired, the bullet would hit the floor.

‘Who?’ Lewis asks me. His face breaks into a grin. ‘Think about it,’ he says.

‘Thomas and Emily Cater. I know they’re both yours,’ I tell him.

‘Of course they’re mine.’ He looks impatient. ‘Who else’s would they be?’

I wait.

‘What more do you want to know?’ Lewis asks. ‘I told you, I felt sorry for Flora. She’d deceived me and trashed my family, and I knew exactly what she deserved, but … I don’t know. I hate to admit it, but maybe on some level I still loved her. I had Thomas and Emily, and she had no one. She was still my wife, still mine. I had to do something with her, I couldn’t just leave her to rot. Then I realised there was absolutely no reason why she shouldn’t have a second family.’ His face hardens. He stares at me, eyes wide, as he says slowly, ‘One. Baby. At. A time.’

I stare back at him, full of a cold numbness. Is this what it feels like to look at the worst thing you’ve ever seen? I’m not really feeling anything, not any more.

He says, ‘While Flora was pregnant – this time with my permission and without hers – it came to me. Of course the baby had to be called Thomas, if it was a boy. And a girl would be Emily. Same house, same names. Are you starting to understand, Beth? I saw a way of giving Flora some of it back, some of her old life. Me, from time to time. Every day, on the phone. A Thomas. An Emily.’ He walks towards Flora. ‘And one day soon, I hope, a Georgina,’ he says quietly. ‘We’ll just have to keep trying, won’t we?’

Any second now, if he keeps walking, he’ll be facing away from me.

And you’re going to do what? Run at him, try to overpower him? Risk getting killed sooner?

‘I’m not lucky. I’m not lucky,’ Flora repeats as he walks towards her, her voice rising. ‘I’m unlucky.’

‘You’re not as lucky as you could have been if you’d been more resourceful,’ Lewis says. ‘You could have made friends if you’d wanted to: mums at school, neighbours. You chose not to. It was your decision to become a virtual recluse, to sit around all day stewing in your misery.’

‘I’m not going to get pregnant again. I’m in my forties.’ Flora backs away from him as he approaches.

I stand completely still. How many chances to escape have I missed already? Do I have one now? This might be my one chance and I’m missing it because I’m thinking this instead of … I can’t bring an alternative to mind. I’m frozen. Action feels impossible.

‘Forties is nothing,’ says Lewis. ‘You’re fit and healthy.’

‘Every time, I order my body not to get pregnant,’ Flora says. ‘Every single time.’

Lewis laughs. ‘Well, it’s ignored your orders twice already.’