Behind Every Lie(92)

All we could do was keep trying, keep going, keep doing our best no matter the circumstances.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I get it.”

Lily blew out a long, shaky breath. She slapped her hands onto her knees and stood. “I have something for you.”

She took a small, square envelope from the mantel over the fireplace and handed it to me. I lifted the flap. Inside was a piece of paper clipped to a picture. The paper had an address in Oregon jotted on it.

I tugged the paper clip off and looked at the picture. It was of a little girl about three years old. She was sitting on a carpet of foamy puzzle pieces. The bedroom behind her was decorated in pink and gray, with white wooden floorboards, and pictures of bunny ballerinas on the wall. Her red hair hung in tangled waves down her back. She was looking up at the person taking the picture, smiling, her charcoal-gray eyes bursting with happiness.

Tears welled in my eyes as I imagined all I’d given up. The dewy softness of her head in my palm. The weight of her body against my chest, her hair like silk against my face, her breath on my cheek smelling of honey. I imagined her as a toddler, learning to pull herself up; watching her as a child flying through the park on her bike; and then later, holding her veil as she prepared to walk down the aisle.

“Kat said you regretted giving her up,” Lily said. “I’m very good at finding people. Lots of experience, you see. I tracked down her adoptive parents. If you want …”

I traced my daughter’s face, the beam of her smile, the light in her eyes. I didn’t see Jacob or Liam in her. I just saw myself.

She was so happy. Who was I to take that away?

I looked at Jacob. His eyes were rimmed with red, hot with an ache I understood acutely. But something else was there, too. Forgiveness. Acceptance. Love. I realized something then. We aren’t defined by our tragedies, by our history, by our mistakes, but by pieces of love and sadness and happiness, and the whole range of human emotions we feel.

Despite the trauma, or perhaps because of it, I had become who I was supposed to be. The moment sprinkled down on me like warm rain, filling my cracks. In a world of bad breaks—broken hearts, broken promises, broken dreams—I’d somehow managed to create the most beautiful future out of my very broken body.

I slid the photo and the address back into the envelope and laid it on Rose’s fireplace mantel.

In my mind, I held my little girl in my arms, hugged her close to my chest. And then I let her go.

Finally, I was whole.





acknowledgments


THIS BOOK TOOK ME on an interesting journey, but there are two people who really made Behind Every Lie possible: my agent, Carly Watters, and my editor, Kate Dresser. Carly, thank you for your perfect blend of patient guidance and cheerful honesty. And Kate, thank you for taking my story and making it a book. Your insight and vision has taught me so much and I am incredibly grateful.

Thank you to the phenomenal team at Simon & Schuster and Gallery Books for giving my book babies wings. And to Crystal, Taylor, and the team at BookSparks, thank you for your enthusiasm and for giving my books the reach I hoped for.

Thank you to my son Adam, who is such a massive cheerleader and takes a huge interest in my writing and my career. It inspires me to know that I inspire you, Adam. And thank you to Aidan, my littlest, most charming little man, who constantly gives me funny things to add to my books. I love you both.

I’m eternally grateful to my husband, Richard, who is always my first reader and biggest champion. From making dinner to doing laundry to keeping the kids occupied so I can write, you’ve worked as hard as I have to complete this book. Thank you for pushing me to achieve this dream, and for supporting me as I reach to achieve more.

Authors are nothing without the other authors who’ve supported them. Thank you to Heather Gudenkauf, Mary Kubica, Kimberly Belle, David Bell, Claire Douglas, Alice Feeney, and Jenny Blackhurst, and so many other writers who’ve kindly read and championed my books and just been such a wealth of information throughout this crazy writer journey I love so much.

Thank you to Lisa and Michael, who’ve patiently answered so many bizarre police and detective questions without even flinching a single time.

And most of all, thank you to all my readers, reviewers, and book bloggers. I wouldn’t be here without you and I am forever grateful to every one of you who has bought a copy, shared a review, or posted a picture of Behind Every Lie.





behind

every lie




Christina McDonald

This reading group guide for Behind Every Lie includes an introduction, discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book.





Introduction


Eva Hansen wakes in the hospital after being struck by lightning and discovers that her mother, Kat, has been murdered. Eva was found unconscious down the street. She can’t remember what happened, but the police are highly suspicious of her.

Determined to clear her name, Eva heads from Seattle to London—Kat’s former home—for answers. But as she unravels her mother’s carefully held secrets, Eva soon realizes that someone doesn’t want her to know the truth. And with violent memories beginning to emerge, Eva doesn’t know whom to trust. Least of all herself.