Behind Every Lie(54)

Dad nodded. “Did you know what we fought about?”

“No, I guess I don’t.”

“Kat was cheating on me. She had an affair with a woman.”





twenty-eight

kat




25 years before

I MIGHT HAVE BEEN rather a lot of terrible things by then—a thief, a fraud, a kidnapper—but I was certainly no liar. So I transferred the money to Colin Wilson as promised.

I tucked Eva back into bed and lay on the couch with a package of frozen peas pressed to my sore head. I stayed awake deep into the night watching the door through blurry eyes and trying to figure out what to do. Paying Colin Wilson had only bought us time, but I’d use that time wisely. We had a few months, perhaps, if I was lucky. I had known men like him before.

The terrifying thing was that he knew where we lived, and he knew I had Eva. At some point, Seb would likely find out.

We had to leave. But first I needed money. Money besides what Rose had given Laura. I needed to save that to buy off anybody else who came looking for us.

I needed a job.

The next morning, the pain in my head was vicious and debilitating but I dressed Eva and myself with shaky fingers and we took the bus to the center of Evanston.

Eva peppered me with questions the entire way. Why is poop brown when you eat orange carrots? How does snow get on top of mountains if they’re above the clouds? When I get to heaven, can I be a hot dog? I think your boobs look down ’cause they’re grumpy, Mommy. What’s inside a rainbow?

By the time we got off the bus, the pain was so intense I was ready to throw her against a wall. I kept my jaw firmly locked in place, wishing I had some painkillers to ease the pounding in my head. I couldn’t seem to shake the pain.

I first went to the public library. Although I hadn’t finished university, I did have some education and felt I would fit well there temperamentally.

But they had no positions for an unemployed person without a degree.

Next I went to an upscale hotel, thinking it would be easy enough to answer phones and greet customers. The sleek, blond, pencil-thin girl at the front desk looked me up and down and smirked.

“Honey, do you even own a pair of heels?” she asked. Her nasal American accent made her sound as if she were stretching her mouth around all the letters simultaneously. I wanted to slap the cruel smile off her face.

I tried in a series of shops with no success. Just as I was about to take Eva home for lunch, I saw a NOW HIRING sign in a small Chinese restaurant. Inside, the Asian owner thrust an application form at me, barely even looking at me.

Eva was hungry and grumpy and wandered to the other side of the restaurant to look at the goldfish tank while I filled in the application form.

“Here. I’ve finished.” I handed the form to the owner. He had small, round glasses and a thin, unkempt mustache. He scowled and snatched the application, adjusting his glasses as he read.

“You know how to drive?” he asked. “We need a delivery driver.”

I didn’t even have my license in America. The thought of driving on the opposite side of the road, the opposite side of the car, with all those large vehicles rushing around, filled me with abject terror.

I swallowed hard and smiled. “Yes, certainly. I can do anything, I just—”

Suddenly I realized that Eva was not there.

I spun around. “Eva?” I called.

I raced to the fish tank, but she wasn’t there. “Where’s Eva? Where’s my daughter?”

He shrugged.

I pushed past him to look in the kitchen. A chef looked up from chopping celery, his face a mask of surprise.

My heart thudded, making the pounding in my head swell to an unbearable crescendo. I felt cold and hot all over, my hands shaking with terror. Had Seb found us already? Had he taken her?

An intense, all-consuming panic crashed into me, unfamiliar and strange. I had always sat on my emotions. As a child I’d learned no one would listen, and as an adult I knew emotions were simply a chemical reaction in the limbic system, fleeting and unreliable. My ability to remain impassive had suited me well in my adult life. But now, after everything that had happened, to lose Eva a second time …

I slammed the front door open and stumbled into the street. A bus whizzed by, forcing me to stagger backward.

“Eva!”

I crashed into a man dressed in a business suit and smoking a cigarette.

“Hey, watch it!” he shouted angrily.

“My little girl—” I clutched his forearm, my fingers like claws. I must’ve looked like a madwoman, but I didn’t care. “Have you seen my little girl?”

“Get off me!” He shook himself free, straightened his sleeve, and strode briskly away, throwing a disgusted glance back at me.

I saw her then. She was a ways up from the Chinese restaurant, looking in the front window of a pet shop. She saw me and waved exuberantly.

“Mommy, look!” she called. “Puppies!”

I staggered to her, clutching my chest as if it would burst out of my coat. I wanted to slap her and hold her all at once. I fell to my knees and shook her, just once, hard and sharp. I touched her cheek with my fingertips, stroked a hand down her silken hair, and clasped her to my chest.

She looked surprised, unused to my touch other than a firmly clasped hand as we walked. She was absolutely fine. Not a scratch on her.