A Terrible Fall of Angels (Zaniel Havelock #1)(87)
“I don’t understand.”
“Can’t you hear prayers?”
“Sometimes, if I’m not shielding tight enough, or if the prayer has a lot of need or emotion behind it.”
“How did you filter out the prayers inside the angelic realm?”
“I don’t hear prayers unless I’m listening for them there.”
“What do you hear?”
“Music,” I said.
“Music, just music?”
“Beautiful, amazing music like the universe is created out of music and light.”
He stared at me as if I’d said something terrible. “Music and light, just music and light?”
“I see angels and I see the light and lines of creation.”
“You didn’t hear the voices of all the people praying, asking for God’s help?”
“No,” I said.
The blood drained from his face so suddenly that I got up to put a hand on his shoulder in case he fainted. “Jamie, Levi, are you okay?”
“I heard voices, millions and millions of thoughts, prayers, screams of pain, people screaming in agony and begging God to help them.”
I knelt by him so I could look into his face. “You heard people screaming for help, while the rest of us saw music and lights?”
He nodded, his face so pale his lips looked bloodless. “I couldn’t shut it out. Even when the teachers brought me back from the heart of creation, I could still hear them.”
“You could still hear prayers all the time?”
“No, I could shut out prayers, you know, unless they were strong like you said, but it was the people screaming and crying for God to help them that I couldn’t shut out. So many people calling for help and no one answering.”
“God answers prayers, but sometimes the answer is no,” I said.
His eyes looked black in the white of his face like burned holes. “These weren’t prayers, Z, they were people crying out in torment, begging God, or someone, to help them, and no one ever came. I didn’t hear the people that were being helped, all I heard were the ones that didn’t get a visit from an angel, or anything good.”
“And you’ve heard that in your head for fifteen years?”
“Yes.” I didn’t know what to say. What could I say to make up for him being trapped like that for so long? Nothing. I said the only thing possible.
“I am so sorry, Jamie.”
“Levi, I am Levi now, a name of my choice. Not my parents or the College, but my choice.”
“Levi, I am so sorry that happened to you and that no one at the College understood what was happening to you.”
“Emma found some other psychics to help me. One of them is a telepath almost as powerful as I am. He says that if Master Bachiel had a similar gift he should have known I couldn’t shield well enough, and he should have been able to hear the voices I was hearing.”
“I was there when he came to look at you. He said that no one at the College of Angels could help you.”
“Is that exactly what he said?” Jamie asked.
“Yes, I made him repeat it, because I didn’t want to believe it.”
“He didn’t say wouldn’t, but that they couldn’t, you’re sure?”
“I’m sure, because I kept going over and over everything that happened, looking for something else I could have done to help you, to keep them from kicking you out. I should have gone with you.”
“No, Z, we were both kids. I was too crazy in the head for you to take care of me. Your place was there.”
“How did Emma teach you to shield when the masters at the College couldn’t?”
“She gave me objects, magical objects to help me shield while I learned. She brought in other witches to do a spell to help me quiet the voices while I got stronger.”
“They prayed over you at the College.”
“But they didn’t do any active magic to help me.”
“Prayer and the angels are the only magic we need.”
“Well, I needed something else. Did they even consult a witch, or anyone outside the College?”
“They don’t deal with witches, you know that.”
“They deal with psychics, that’s God’s gift being used. Did they ask any psychics to help diagnose me?”
“They brought in healers and doctors to see you.”
“And none of them could figure it out, really?”
“No,” I said.
“Bachiel should have known, or at least suspected, that’s what Emma says anyway. That if he was as powerful a telepath as he’s supposed to be, he should have heard the voices in my head.”
“If that’s what was wrong, then yes, he should have heard the voices when he examined you.”
“What do you mean, if that’s what was wrong?”
“I just can’t believe that Bachiel, Master Bachiel, would have let you suffer if he could have helped you.”
“Maybe he couldn’t have helped heal me, but he should have known what was wrong.”
“I don’t know what to say. How did Emma do what the entire College of Angels couldn’t?”
“It’s a medi-spell, an experimental medi-spell that’s part medicine and part magic. It’s designed to help teenagers who are just getting their full powers to shield and control them. Emma’s brother is a doctor, that’s how she got me into the medical trials.”