You Asked for Perfect(54)

“Huh. This place is awesome.”

“Agreed,” Amir says. “UGA has a pretty great premed program, too. It’s moving up my list.”

“That’s cool. So—”

“Ariel, go!”

“Right.” I laugh, and he does, too. My pulse skips. I miss us. “I’m going, I’m going,” I say, still grinning as I race into the venue.

I buy a ticket, then once inside, I call Malka. She picks up right away. “Where are you?” I ask. “I’m here.”

“Baruch Hashem. Walk toward the stage. We’ll meet you by the side door.”

Will Sook be happy to see me? Does Sook even know she’s about to see me?

There’s no band on stage at the moment, so people are milling about, and it’s easy enough to push through the crowd. I pass a group of girls taking shots in the middle of the afternoon, a couple of guys laughing at something on a phone, and a girl wearing a dress with planets on it, beating drumsticks against her leg.

As I near the stage, Malka and Sook exit through a side door. There’s a girl with violet hair next to Sook. I recognize her from the Carousels video Sook made me watch. It’s Clarissa. She whispers something into Sook’s ear and squeezes her hand before Sook and Malka step my way.

“Holy shit,” I say. “Y’all look badass.”

Sook’s wearing a black dress, ripped at the shoulders, and Malka has on black jeans, Converse, and a black tank.

“Thanks,” Malka says.

Sook doesn’t respond.

I bite the edge of my nail. “So, Clarissa, is that happening?”

After a long moment, Sook says, “We’re friends. But maybe one day…” She’s unfocused, jittery. “So do you have it?”

I reach into my pocket, terrified for a moment it somehow fell out, but my fingers land on the small flash drive. “Right here.” I hand it over.

About a dozen emotions cross Sook’s face at once. Then she leaps forward and hugs me tight. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

I hug her back and inhale. She smells like Sook, fresh soap and something sweet, like there’s honey in her shampoo.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m so sorry I bailed at the last minute. Is there any way you’ll forgive me?”

“Ariel.” She stays close and takes one of my hands. When she locks eyes with me, my throat catches. “Malka told me what’s going on with you.” She looks down for a moment. “I didn’t know. I didn’t notice. I’ve been the terrible friend, not you. I pushed you to join the band, pushed you to play more songs, pushed you to rehearse extra for the gig. All while you were so stressed over school. I was too focused on myself to see it.”

“It’s not your fault.” I grip her hands. “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. I was…ashamed. I was struggling so much when everyone else—my parents, my classmates, you—have it all together.” I take a short breath. “I don’t understand why it’s so much harder for me.”

“It’s hard for all of us, Ariel,” Sook says. She twists her lips. “Earlier this week I talked to my parents about college. They said their parents put so much pressure on them to get into a good school, they didn’t want me to go through that. They figured with Dartmouth I’d almost definitely get in without too much stress.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

She smiles. “Yeah, it’s actually awesome of them. Except I went and stressed myself out over the band instead.” She throws up her hands and sighs. “But there’s nothing to be ashamed about, Ariel. No one has it all together. I bet not even your parents. Can you promise me something? Promise me we’ll talk about this stuff going forward.”

I nod. “I promise.”

Sook touches her forehead to mine and inhales, then steps back. “Love you,” she says.

“Love you, too.”

Malka sniffs, and I turn to see her wiping her eyes. “Oh, shut up,” she says. “Hey, how’d your interview go?”

I open my mouth and close it. I don’t need to tell them I left early. Not to lie—I just don’t want them feeling bad, or making it seem like I’m some martyr. They deserve this. “It went well, I think. We’ll see.”

“Yay! Fingers crossed. You going to stay for the show?”

“Yes,” a voice behind me says. “He’s going to watch with us.”

I turn and find Amir with Rasha at his side. He’s even smiling at me. I need to fix us before his Hufflepuffness runs out.

Ten minutes later, the lights dim, and Sook and Malka take the stage. I stand near the front with Amir and Rasha, feeling grateful and awake. The concert hall fills more and more. People sway and shout and dance. My friends are real musicians. Their songs are real songs. They’re playing a real show, and it’s incredible.

Tears spring to my eyes, and I feel silly, but I also don’t feel silly at all. Amir nudges my shoulder. His hand brushes against mine. I take the temporary forgiveness, grasp his hand, and inhale. Spearmint and basil. My body floods with warmth and relief, and for the first time in a long time, I know I’m exactly where I should be.

*

“You’re in trouble,” Rachel sings when I walk through the door a little past eight.