Worth Saving(75)

Her words hit me like a brick to the chest, and I’m not sure how to react. There’s a part of me that’s still prideful and dumb. I want to say I’m doing perfectly fine, and I’ve never been better, and I want to act all nonchalant like nothing bothers me because I’m me. I’m a man, and I’m unbreakable. But, that’s bullshit. Because the other side of me knows better. I miss Layla more than I thought I would, and the time I spent with her is something I’ll probably never forget. I want her around every day, and I want to talk to her, and kiss her, and be with her. I want her, and being with her makes me feel like everything else is easy. All the shit with my job is heavy, but she makes the load lighter, and I never acknowledged it until now. I took it for granted, and the fact that she’s standing here right now just lets me know how lucky I am. She could’ve left me alone after all the mean shit I said to her at my house. But, she’s here, and I’d be a fool to let her walk away again, because this time she might not come back.

“I’m sorry, Layla,” I hear myself say. It comes out low and quiet, so I say it again to make sure she hears me. “I’m really sorry.”

She squints at me and tilts her head. “What?” she says, sounding surprised.

“I’m really sorry. I said a lot of shit to you that I shouldn’t have. I should’ve been more supportive, and I should’ve had your back, because I know how tough it must’ve been for you to tell me everything about your childhood. And I know it was even harder for you to trust me.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking since the day we last talked, and I know I’ve been a bit of a hypocrite. I’m no saint, either. I’ve slept with a lot of those ‘desert queens’ on my tours, and never allowed anything serious to happen, so I have no room to judge you. Your life was unbelievably difficult, and mine never really has been. At least not until I stopped talking to you.

“This PTSD that I have is a bitch, but there’s something about being with you that makes it all so much easier to deal with. When I’m with you, I don’t think about anything but you and that smile. When we’re apart, all I think about is when we’re gonna be together again. Your face occupies my mind, and my biggest desire every day is to have you with me. I want you there to laugh with me, and relax with me, and walk with me, and talk with me. I don’t give a f*ck what we talk about. I just wanna talk with you. I want you around all the time, and I’m so sorry I tried to make you think otherwise. I was wrong for not being more supportive, and I’m sorry, Layla.”

I see tears starting to gather in her eyes, but she has a smirk on her face that signals her oncoming smile.

“I’m sorry I kept my job from you,” she says just as the tears start to flow. “But, I quit, and I’m not doing that anymore. I realize there’s other things out there I can do, and I’m working on that. I also realize I want to be with you, Austin. I’ve never felt like that about anybody. I’ve never wanted to be with anybody, but I want to be with you.”

“Good,” I manage to say as I choke back my own tears. “So, do you forgive me for being an inconsiderate *?”

She lets out a beautiful giggle. “As long as you forgive me for lying to you.”

“I can definitely do that,” I say, then an idea comes to my head.

I think about it for a second to make sure it’s what I really want to do, then I make my move. I drop down to one knee and take Layla by the hand. I see the charm bracelet decorating her wrist as I rub her skin with my fingers and look up at her.

“Austin, what the hell are you doing?” she asks, her eyes bulging.

“Layla Davison,” I begin. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Layla laughs, then wipes a falling tear away from her face.

“You’re so crazy,” she says behind another giggle. “But, of course I will. But, there’s one more thing I need to say, and I need to say it now before I lose my nerve. And, I hope this doesn’t scare you off, but there’s something you have to know.”

I scrunch my forehead in confusion as I wait for the bomb to be dropped. Please don’t let it be any more bad news. I can’t take anymore crazy shit.

“I love you, Austin,” she says. “I’ve been denying it for a while now, because I’m terrified of it. I’m not even sure I want to, but I do. I love you, and that’s what drove me to be out here waiting for you the past three nights, like a psycho. Once I knew I was willing to wait out here for you, I knew I loved you and I couldn’t deny it anymore. So, I hope it’s not too much, but I had to say it. I love you.”

I don’t want to be apart from her for another second, so I get up and pull her body into mine. We kiss, and it feels like it’s been years since the last time. Her soft lips press against mine and give them the most comfort they’ve ever had, and my body reacts in an instant. In one swoop, all the sadness I’ve been feeling is lifted out of me and I feel better. I feel more alive and there’s butterflies in my stomach. The fear I felt from my nightmare is gone, replaced by a new, uncharted version of joy.

“I love you, too,” I finally manage to say when I’m able to pull my lips off hers. “It’s not too much for me, and I’m so glad you said it, because I’ve been thinking it. The connection we have is unlike anything I ever thought was possible. You’re so incredible, Layla, and I love the hell out of you.”