Worth Saving(51)

“Are your friends still in town?” he finally says after the jotting.

“Yeah, Jason and Jordan are still here, although I’m not sure for how much longer. Jason says he found some sort of loophole that’ll get the charges against his client dropped, so he might be heading back to Seattle soon. His popularity has grown a lot since he won his last big case in Seattle, and he has a lot of people itching for him to represent them back home. I’d hate to see him go, though. It’s been great having him around to hang out with whenever he has time. He and Layla are still picking on each other, too. They’ve hit it off since they met.”

“That’s all really good, Captain. It’s good to see things coming along for you in the social department. Are you and Layla turning into something serious?”

I have to take a second to think about that one. While it’s true Layla and I have been doing really well, even after finding out about her ex-boyfriend, I’m hesitant to say we’re serious. I don’t want to jinx it. When I’m with her, it feels serious to me. The way I feel about her is serious, but we’re still getting to know each other.

“Umm, I don’t know, sir,” I answer honestly. “I mean, on one hand, Layla has this ability to put a smile on my face that feels different than when I smile for any other reason. She’s incredible, and we’re really good friends, and I care about her for sure. But, I’m not sure if I wanna say we’re serious just yet. I mean, we haven’t even had sex yet.”

“Really?” Major Nelson exclaims, raising his eyebrows like he has truly been surprised.

“Yeah, really. Not that I don’t want to or anything, but Layla has some hang-ups about it. She’s had a rough life, and her reasons certainly are justified. So, I understand, and I’m patient.”

“Not that it’s any of my business, but what do you think is holding her back about it?”

I hate when people say “not that it’s any of my business,” and then proceed to ask an invasive question that’s absolutely none of their business.

“It’s complicated, Major,” I say with a slightly furrowed brow. This is Layla’s business, and it’s not my place to tell it to someone she doesn’t even know. “She’s not ready yet, and I’m cool with that. I know her childhood was rough, particularly her relationship with her father and her ex. But, it doesn’t matter. When we spend time together, it feels good inside, so I’m cool with waiting for the other part to take off.”

“Well, that’s really noble of you, Austin,” the major replies with an approving nod. “You don’t see too many guys who are willing to wait like that. That’s good.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Major, it gets hard, literally, but I’m okay. We’ll wait until she’s ready.”

Major Nelson chuckles and adjusts himself in his chair.

“Okay, well that’s really good, Captain. Honestly, you’ve made great progress in that department. Interaction with people is very important when dealing with PTSD, and having Layla and Jason around to communicate your feelings to has obviously been beneficial. That’s good to see. Now, how have things been with you privately? Are you still having dreams about Lieutenant Weston?”

My good mood fades a little with the mention of Weston’s name. I’ve been so busy spending time with Layla that I really haven’t had time to think about Lieutenant Weston. It’s a topic I’ve been glad to avoid, but when I come here, there’s no getting around it, which sucks.

“Umm, not as often as before,” I respond.

My eyes shift down to the floor as the memory comes back. The darkness of the night sky. The sound of the propeller blades spinning above us. The sound of gunfire and the bullets ricocheting off the chopper as I pull us up. The blood on the floor. His lifeless body lying there the entire flight back to the base, surrounded by his crying team members who considered him family. That terrible feeling of knowing I could’ve done more to keep him in his seat. I should’ve done more.

“Captain Sloan, are you okay?” I hear Major Nelson ask, but his voice sounds distant, like he’s asking the question from the hallway.

“Yeah,” I answer, looking back up at the redheaded major. “I’m good.”

“What happens in your dreams now, Captain Sloan?”

“Same as before. No matter what else is going on, I can’t save him. In the end, he always dies. I never do enough to save him.” I feel the familiar sting of tears climbing their way up to my eyes.

“How often do the dreams occur?”

“I don’t know. Not as often as when I first came back, and I don’t have those space-out moments during the day anymore either. I feel like I’m getting better.”

“Oh, I think you are, too,” the major replies. “However, you seem to still have some lingering issues with the topic. I think you avoid thinking about it as often as you can, and that’s how some people cope with traumatic events in their lives, but we don’t want you to just avoid it. Once you can accept what happened, and accept your actions, that’s when you’ll know that you’re truly better. That’ll be when you’ve truly moved on.”

“Isn’t it wrong to move on from something like this? I’m supposed to just move on from his death?”