Worth Saving(50)

“I lied to you before,” I say, looking down at the ground, out of either nervousness or shame. “Damien is more than just my boss. He’s my . . . ex-boyfriend.”

I can’t do it. I’m not ready yet. Things have been going so well for Austin and me, and I’m just not ready to tell him this yet.

I see Austin’s brow furrowing again and he tilts his head, almost like he’s trying to look into my soul to see if I’m lying.

“When you saw us in the bar, that was the night everything changed,” I continue lying, my eyes back to being glued to the ground. “I ended up breaking it off with Damien because he used to hit me. It’s, kind of, another reason I have such a hard time with men. I’ve never really dealt with one that hasn’t been a complete *. My issues with Damien are complicated. It goes a lot deeper than just working for him.”

“So, he’s more than just your boss? He’s your ex-boyfriend who used to hit you?” he says it out loud, but it sounds more like it was supposed to be a thought. “That guy used to f*cking hit you?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Damien and I are over.”

“Yeah, but you still work for him. He’s still your boss, right?”

“Yes.”

“What the f*ck? Why are you still working there?” he asks, obviously upset. “You shouldn’t be working for an * like that.”

“I know, but I don’t have anything else lined up right now, and I need the money.”

“Look, I know you dropped out of high school, but maybe it’s time you look into doing something else. You can’t work for that guy.”

“I know that, and I appreciate your concern, but it’s just more complicated than that. I don’t have a good education or anything . . . it’s just really complicated. I know it’s hard for you to understand, because it’s hard for me to explain, too. I just trying to do the best I can with my life. It might not be perfect, but I’m trying.”

He doesn’t even look like he believes me. Austin just scrunches his forehead and stares at me. I wish I was inside his head right now. It’d be better than being inside mine and feeling all of this shame.

“Look,” he begins, as he steps forward and takes one of my hands in his. “I understand, okay? I know your life is different than mine. Yours is and always has been much harder than mine, and I know that what you really need is my support. So, I’ve got your back with this. If you want to keep working for Damien at Majestic, I’ll support you, but if he ever puts his hands on you ever again, I need you to tell me. Okay? If he ever touches you again, we’re gonna have a big f*cking problem.”

I can’t help but smile when he says it. He’s so serious and different from his usual kidding. He has a serious side and I’m grateful he wants to protect me. He’s so sweet, and I know I don’t deserve it, because I’m still lying to him.

“So, you promise?” he asks, breaking up my train of thought.

“Promise what?”

“Do you promise to tell me if that bitch puts his hands on you again?”

I smile a soft, shame-filled smile.

“I promise, and I’m sorry I lied about him.”

“It’s cool. I understand. You’ve been through a lot of shit with men. Hell, I’m surprised you’re still talking to me after all the shit you’ve been through.”

“Well, you’ve been the exception, Austin.”

“Look, I know I’ve said similar stuff before, but I really do hope I’m proving to be different. I don’t know how you’ve had such bad luck with men, but I promise you I will never put my hands on you like that. Ever. I would never hurt you like that.”

“I know you wouldn’t.”

“I care about you, Layla, and as long as you’re okay with me being around, I’ll always have your back. Okay? I’ll always be honest with you, and I won’t feed you any bullshit. I just want to be someone you can depend on.”

His words feel like an anchor attached to my legs, pulling me down below the angry waters. I can barely breathe and I’m struggling just to stay afloat, but I’m kicking. I’m doing my best to tread water until the day I can tell him absolutely everything, but I am going to tell him. I’m going to figure everything out, and I’m going to tell him, and there won’t be anything left unknown between us.

One day, I’m going to tell him.

One day.

But, not today.





Austin

“Welcome back, Captain Sloan. You look well. Hell, you look like a new man. So, what’s been going on? How did things go this past week?”

“It was good. Things have been pretty good.”

“How’s Layla?”

My smile widens.

“She’s good. Like I told you during our session last week, things have been great with us lately, and we seem to be heading in the right direction. We’re having fun. She’s a great girl.”

“Great. Great,” he answers, jotting down something on his yellow pad. Even when I have good news, he always writes notes on the pad that I’m not allowed to see. Sometimes I wonder if he’s even writing anything about me. Maybe he’s just drawing pictures, or playing tic tac toe.