Worth Saving(38)

Now that I have permission to take the next month off to get my head straight, I don’t want to stick around here long enough for him to change his mind. So, I turn on my heel and speed walk out of the building, satisfied that I finally did something for me.

I need to get home. I need rest and I need to think. About what? I’m barely even sure I can lock in on one thing. I have lots to think about, but I’m glad I’ll have the time to do it.





Layla

“Well, you have successfully pissed off Damien once again. I could tell he was walking around just looking for trouble last night.”

“Well,” I begin, as the waiters set our plates down on the table. “I’m glad I wasn’t there for that. I’m sure he was on his usual craziness.”

“Yes he was,” Marlene replies, cutting into her steak to make sure it’s cooked to the proper temperature. “I hear some of the girls downstairs tried to ask what was up. All he said was that he’s sick of your shit. So, just what the hell happened between you two?”

“It’s not even that big of a deal, but it’s Damien, so you know how he gets. I asked for some time off, that’s it.”

“How long?”

“I asked for a month.”

“Damn. You going on vacation or something?”

“No, I just have a lot on my mind right now, and I need some time to figure it out. Not to mention the fact that I earned this time off. I’ve been working there for almost four years, and I’ve hardly ever asked for time off. I think Damien’s real issue is that David trumped him.”

Marlene raises her eyebrows as she sips her drink. “David trumped him how?”

“Damien didn’t want to give me the time off, of course, because everything has to be this big pot of drama with him. So, David chimed in and said it was okay for me to take the time. Damien is just pissy because his brother made him look weak. You know Damien has to feel like he has control over everything.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” she jokes as she chews

I’m appreciative of Marlene for taking the time to come hang with me. It’s my first full day off, and when I woke up this morning, I needed the comfort of a good friend. I thought to call Austin, but this comfort needed to come from someone other than him, because most of what I’m confused about directly involves him. So, I called Marlene, and she agreed to meet me at Applebee’s for an early lunch now that she has a bunch of time on her hands. Her girlfriend, Amanda, had to take time off so she could visit her sick mother, so Marlene’s all by herself while she’s gone.

“So, spill it,” Marlene says, looking at me with a curious expression. “What is it that has you all flustered to where you need a month off?”

“Ugh. Where do I even begin?”

I ask that question out loud, but I think it to myself, too. My mind feels clouded with all the confusion and questions I’ve been feeling. All these new feelings and new desires have me questioning everything about my life all of a sudden. That’s not all Austin’s doing, either. I mean, it began with meeting and spending time with him, but now it has evolved.

First, there’s the obvious stuff about Austin. I’ve never allowed myself to feel anything more than contempt for a man, because every guy I’ve ever had in my life has ended up being a monumental *. So, the older I got, the more walls I’ve learned to put up. It made sense, especially in my line of work. What good would it be to like somebody, when I know they won’t be interested once they find out what I do? I’ve had nights where I’ve gone out with Marlene in the past and had guys hit on me, and when I told them what I do, they just thought it meant they could try to get in my pants immediately. I mean, immediately. One guy didn’t even give me a full fifteen seconds before he asked when I would sleep with him, and if he had to pay for it. Guys are f*cking disgusting. At least, that’s what I thought about all of them before I started spending time with Austin. Thanks to him not being disgusting, I’m confused out of my mind about what to feel. Even after the amazing night we had at the paint studio and his house, I’m still having trouble convincing myself it’s a good idea to let my guard down.

But, aside from Austin, there’s other stuff now. I’ll just chalk this up to growing older and more mature. I’m about to turn twenty-two soon, and working at Red Pony has always been fine for me. The money is good, and that’s all I really cared about. Until now. With my birthday only a few weeks away, I’m starting to wonder if being an available girl at Red Pony is the thing I want to be doing. I’m not a kid anymore, and I’ve been able to save some money from working there for so long, and I just don’t feel like this is something I want to keep on doing for years and years to come. But, if I’m not an available girl, then what am I? Who am I? I have no idea what I want to be or what else I’d rather do. I mentioned something to Austin about liking kids, which I do, but is that really it? I’ve never even given it much thought, and now that the question has been planted in my mind, there’s no getting rid of it. It’s always going to be there, eating away at me until I figure it out. There’s a whole bunch of stuff I need to figure out.

“So, I met a guy,” I say to Marlene. My words stop her in her tracks and she stares at me without blinking.

“Umm, what? You met a guy? Like, for real?” she says, her eyes bulging and still unblinking.