Worth Saving(36)

I let out another sigh and shake my head.

“How am I supposed to save you from me when you keep saying things like that? How am I supposed to resist you?”

“Maybe that’s the problem, Layla,” Austin says as he inches his face closer to mine. “You keep trying to resist, when you need to just let it happen. Just let us happen.”

Austin leans forward and kisses me again. The butterflies come roaring back into my stomach, and I feel the little tingles again, all the way down to the tips of my toes. I don’t fight it. I let my body do whatever it wants as Austin slithers his tongue over mine, caressing my mouth with his. We move towards the couch and the next thing I know, I’m laying down with Austin hovering over me. My breathing is uncontrollable and I’m sure my skin is bright red, because it feels as hot as the sun right now. Austin glides his hands down my body, and it feels like it’s never been done to me before. Doing what I do, I never get turned on, so the wetness I feel between my legs is almost a surprise to me.

I run my hands all over his body, lifting up his shirt and letting my fingers glide over his unbelievable stomach. His six-pack is something women can only dream about, and his breathing and kissing of my neck is almost more than I can handle. My body quivers with his every touch as he slightly lifts up my dress and slides down to kiss my inner thigh. I let out genuine moans of pleasure when I feel his tongue slide across my flesh. I want him so bad, but when I feel his hands move up my legs and reach for my panties, I stop him.

I grab Austin’s wrists and hold them in place. I can see it on his face that he’s wondering what the hell I’m doing after letting him get this far, but I have to stop. While I hold his wrists, I think about where I was coming from the night he saw me walking late at night. I’d just come from a customer’s house. It only took that customer a few minutes to do his thing and pass out, and then I left, which ended up being the reason my stomach still aches from my run-in with Damien. I had to do my job that night, and I never meant for this night with Austin to turn into all of this. I still work at Red Pony. So, how can I do this with him now, and then go back to work in two days and allow myself to be forced to do it again with some random guy I’ve never even seen before? I can’t do that to him. I can’t do this. I won’t do it.

“What’s the matter?” Austin asks, still frozen.

“I’m so sorry, Austin, but I can’t.”

I can see the disappointment creep into his face as he pulls his hands away from my underwear and sits upright. He thinks for a minute, then he speaks up.

“It’s okay,” he replies, to my surprise. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

“I didn’t mean to lead you on, and I swear I’m not trying to give you blue balls,” I joke, but neither of us smile or laugh. “I just have some stuff I have to figure out first. My head is still all over the place, and I don’t even know what to think. I just can’t. Not right now.”

Austin exhales loudly.

“I understand. I know you have your issues about your past. I totally understand.”

“Well, it’s more than that. It’s . . . it’s just complicated.”

“More than that?” he asks with a puzzled look on his face. “You could tell me, you know. As your BFF, I promise I’ll be understanding.

“Not yet. I can’t yet, but I promise you, when the time’s right, I’ll explain everything. I just need some time. I know it’s a lot to ask, and I’m so sorry. I just need you to try to understand that it’s complicated.”

“I understand. I do,” he replies. Then, he scoots over on the couch and takes both of my hands in his. “Look, I have no problem being patient, okay. Whenever you’re ready to tell me, I’ll do my best to understand and be supportive. But until that time, don’t disappear on me, okay? I want us to be able to keep hanging out. Is that okay?”

Like so many other times tonight, an uncontrollable smile takes over my entire face.

“Of course it is. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”



I don’t know how other people would describe the perfect night. But for me, I discover that I rather enjoy being on Austin’s couch. Simple, I know. My perfect night turns out to be watching TV and laughing at funny shows. It’s learning about Austin’s likes and dislikes, and telling him about mine, knowing that he isn’t judging me for having a tiny obsession with the show Orange Is the New Black, or for having a crush on Ruby Rose. It’s having a drink of wine and never questioning his motives for the night. It’s just being together, and enjoying each other’s company, and knowing that no matter what happens in the future, we’re building our relationship with our friendship first. It’s laughing until my stomach hurts, and it’s accidentally falling asleep on that same couch, with his arm just barely touching mine. It was all the touch I needed.

I did it. I had my version of a perfect night, and it couldn’t have come at a better time, because I needed it more than I even knew. And because who the hell knows what turn my crazy life is going to take tomorrow.





Layla

My heart’s pounding. It’s been that way since I woke up this morning still laying on Austin’s couch. It kept pounding when I looked at him, lying there asleep, and I realized I had feelings for him. And when I thought about the possibility of us actually ending up together, the pounding kept on. But now, it’s at its worst.