What Happens Now(68)
We were both quiet in the car on the way to camp. Now that I’d given myself permission to resent my sister, she seemed suddenly much older, more restrained. I kept waiting for her to ask about what she saw at the store, or to tell me I’d been a big fat meanie last night. I wanted her to. I wasn’t sure what it would mean if she didn’t.
She didn’t.
When we arrived at the rec center and got out of the car, I slowed my pace out of habit so Dani could grab my hand. She didn’t grab it right away, but waited a few more steps than usual. Because I couldn’t help it, I gave her fingers a squeeze.
Before Dani could squeeze back, she saw her counselor and let go, running to her. She wrapped her arms around the girl’s waist. I’d never seen her so happy to be at camp.
“Mikayla!” Dani shouted.
“Hey, pixie,” said Mikayla, who seemed genuinely glad to see her. She looked up and smiled at me.
That was when an idea dawned.
“Mikayla,” I said. “Are you by any chance free next Saturday?”
18
There was an episode of Silver Arrow where Atticus Marr got a severe case of hypersickness. The crew had to tie him to a chair on the bridge because he was speaking in nonsense words. As Azor took over the captain’s seat, leading Satina and Bram as they steered through an asteroid field, Marr kept yelling things like “Shrimp!” and “Toaster in the horse manure!” It was one of my favorite episodes when I was a kid, because it made my mom laugh.
This reminded me of that. Minus, of course, my mother laughing.
Instead of Marr, it was Eliza dressed as Marr, riding in the middle row of James’s parents’ minivan. She did not look happy, being relegated to second tier. The Tri-State SuperCon was her idea, her plan, her expected triumph. But Max knew how to get there, Max had the good GPS on his phone, so Max rode in the shotgun navigation position next to James. It was something he decided and directed, and he seemed to enjoy the look on Eliza’s face when he told her to get in the back.
To be honest, I enjoyed it, too.
Kendall sat in the other middle row seat. Camden and I sat in the way back with our hands interlaced, our feet entwined. Basically every part of us touching, as far as the seat belts would allow. I needed this contact as a constant reminder of why I’d done what I’d done, and why I shouldn’t feel guilty.
I’d sent one text message to my mother and Richard telling them these facts and these facts only: where I’d gone, when I’d be back, the name and number of Mikayla, who was at the house with Dani and would be there until Mom came home. I typed out the word Sorry, but then slowly backspaced over it.
After I sent the message, I turned off my phone. My hand shook as I held down the button.
If this day was going to cost me, I was going to make it worth every penny.
Now the phone was tucked away in my Satina satchel. We were already in our costumes, except for the wigs, and except of course for Kendall and James.
This seemed to irk Eliza. As James pulled us onto the highway, she scanned Kendall head to toe and said, “You should have let me put together a Victoria Ransom outfit for you. It would have been so easy.”
Kendall shot a puzzled glance over her shoulder at me.
“She was a teen who stowed away on the Arrow One’s maiden voyage and got stuck on the ship,” I told her.
Kendall turned back to Eliza. “Up until five seconds ago, I had no idea who that person is. You want me to spend the day dressed up as her?”
Eliza shrugged. “You’d rather spend the day wearing an X-Men T-shirt?”
“What’s wrong with my X-Men T-shirt?”
“You may as well be wearing a plain black T-shirt. Because it doesn’t say anything! X-Men is a given.”
“It’s better that I cosplay a character I’ve never heard of, from a show I’ve never watched?”
Max turned around from the front seat now. “Eliza. You know that’s not how fandom works.”
Eliza snapped her head away from him and stared out the window. “She might feel out of place, is all I’m saying. Frankly, I’m surprised she came, even if it does mean spending the day with Jamie.”
Kendall turned red and glanced quickly at James, who raised his eyes to the rearview mirror for only a second.
“Enough,” said Camden, leaning forward and putting his hand on Eliza’s shoulder. “It’s going to be an amazing day.”
He leaned back and his fingers found my fingers again. He didn’t look like he truly believed what he was saying.
Azor, I told myself. I’m here again with Azor. I hadn’t come for Eliza, to honor all her plans. I could barely look at her or talk to her. I’d come for me and for him.
The memories of those few magical hours at the fair were so vivid and tangible, I thought for sure I could step right back into them. But the truth was this: Camden was different now, because I knew him better now. And that meant his Azor was different, too. Maybe this is what it would have been like, had Satina and Azor actually hooked up. It would not have been simple.
Then again, neither of them would have wanted it to be.
We pulled into the parking lot of the Hilton Garden Inn shortly after 10:00 a.m. It clearly pleased Eliza that so far we’d stayed on schedule. We got out of the van and instantly, I could tell this was not going to be like the county fair. Because right over there was Iron Man, locking his car and slinging a backpack over one shoulder. A few cars away, two girls dressed as the tenth and eleventh Doctors from Doctor Who adjusted each other’s jacket lapels. A couple with a baby walked past, dressed as Na’vi from Avatar (even the baby was blue).