What Happens Now(63)

“Is this what you thought it would be?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said simply.

He closed his eyes and nodded, and that was all. I searched for the sound of his breathing amidst the splashes and voices and birds overhead, and when I found it, I had everything I needed in that moment.

Take it, Ari. You deserve it.

I took it. I tried to soak it into my pores, the perfection of right-this-second. But when Camden still didn’t speak after a few minutes, I poked his shoulder.

“Are you asleep?” I asked.

He smiled without opening his eyes. “Very much the opposite.”

But he said no more, and after a few moments, all the uncertainties of my life—and his—started wandering in. I kept pushing them roughly away and they’d stagger right back.

Finally I asked, “Have you talked to your mom lately?”

“I talk to her every day,” he said flatly, then propped himself up on one elbow. “Ari, you are here without your sister. You have several hours without any obligations or responsibilities. Can’t you just be?”

It stung for a moment, what he said, but when I looked at him I realized he didn’t mean it to. He was saying it because he cared. Because he wanted something for me.

“I can be,” I said. “Hell, I can be the ass off anyone.”

“Great,” said Camden, lying back down. He slithered his feet around my ankles and kept them there.

Maybe it could be done. Maybe I could live both my lives. Or they could become one. I closed my eyes and felt the pressure of Camden’s feet against mine, matched my breathing to his. In the middle of this just being, the thought came and I couldn’t push this one away either.

I’m in love with you.

It was as easy and obvious as air. I let it fill me.

I’m not sure how much time passed. It felt like a month, but was probably more along the lines of five minutes. Then I heard splashing and raised my head to see Kendall swimming toward the raft.

“Hey,” I said.

“You should come back to the beach.” There was something heavy and dark in her eyes.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Just come back,” she said, and swam away. Camden and I looked at each other, then at the beach. I couldn’t see anything except Eliza, Max, and James standing in a cluster.

“Come on,” he said, clearly worried.

We dove into the water and swam.

I could hear Max’s raised voice as soon as my feet found the lake bottom. Kendall stood nearby, holding out my towel, which I grabbed and wrapped around me.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Talk to Max,” she said, frowning.

Max heard us and turned around. Then he came toward me holding up an object. When he was two steps away, I realized what it was: a set of acrylic paints in a fancy wooden box. We sold the same set in Millie’s. It was the highest quality paint we carried, with a big price tag to match.

Oh.

“I’m sorry,” said Max. “I found this in Eliza’s bag.”

He offered the box and I responded on instinct, holding out my hand. He laid it on my palm, then we all looked at it, me and Max and James and Camden, like we expected it to do something.

“She stole this from the store?” I asked.

“She’s saying she meant to pay for it when you came out of the back room, but then forgot.” He turned toward Eliza and didn’t bother to lower his voice. “Which, based on some things that have gone down in the past, I don’t believe.”

I peered around Max to where Eliza sat on her blanket, her elbows resting on her knees, staring out at the lake.

“That’s why she’s banned from the knitting store,” I said.

“And a few others,” added Camden. “If it helps, it was always in the name of cosplay.”

I looked at the box and wondered what Eliza had planned to do with it. “That doesn’t really help.”

I walked past the boys to Eliza, unsure of what to say or do when I got there.

“Hey,” I said.

Now she finally looked up at me, right in the eye. Eliza never looked anywhere but right in someone’s eye, and I realized how much I respected her for that.

“I really did mean to pay for it,” she said. “We were so excited that you could come with us, we were amped to get on our way and I totally spaced.”

“I’m sure,” I said. What I didn’t say was, Then why was it already in your bag?

What she didn’t say was, I’m sorry.

“I’ll bring it back to the store, then you can come in and buy it later.”

Eliza frowned. “Can’t I just give you money the next time I come in?”

“We don’t really let people do that.” It was simply a fact I was stating, but I knew to her it meant much more. I was lumping her in with the general, ordinary public.

She sighed and waved her hand. “Keep it, then. Take it back. I don’t need the paints right away, or I can get them somewhere else.”

Why did it feel like I was letting her down? That I hadn’t fulfilled some kind of obligation?

I turned away and put the box in my own bag, then casually zipped it shut. Kendall and James met my glance, and it was clear they weren’t buying Eliza’s story, either.