What Happens Now(64)

What had happened here? Five minutes ago the day had been storybook. Movie montage. I’d rejected my own tendencies and embraced it. But things had exploded anyway.

“Be right back,” I said, swallowing something that was rising in my throat, then walked toward the restroom building. Privacy dark alone quiet. I’d just grabbed the handle of the women’s room when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“You sure you’ve got the right door?” asked Camden.

I let out a laugh, realizing I hadn’t been breathing properly since coming out of the water. The end of it shook down into a sob. I leaned into him and put my head on his chest, and he put one hand tentatively on my back.

“This is where we first met,” he said softly after a few seconds. “I’ll always associate the smell of toilet cleaner with that.”

I laughed again, wiped my eyes. Leaned in harder.

“That was a really crappy thing for her to do,” I said. “I’m not sure how to feel about it.”

His chest inflated, then deflated, in a long sigh. It was like riding a wave.

“Eliza has her own stuff,” murmured Camden. “She hasn’t had it easy, either. I don’t think she meant to hurt you or make you feel taken advantage of. She just gets tunnel vision sometimes.”

I drew back to examine his face. “Are you defending her?”

“No. I’m giving you context.”

“Because she’s your ex-girlfriend. This could be seen as dangerous territory.”

“Thanks for the map.” He dropped his hand off me.

I stepped away from him. “I’m going to pee now.”

As I moved toward the door, he grabbed my wrist. “Ari,” he said.

“What?”

“Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not. But I need to know you’re on my side. If, you know, this ends up being a thing with sides.”

Camden looked uncomfortable, like he’d never been asked to make this kind of choice for anyone.

“Always,” he said, swallowing hard.

I nodded. I tugged my wrist free. He let it go. I wasn’t sure which happened first.

From the moment I came out of the restroom, it was like we were three pairs of strangers at the lake who just happened to put their blankets near one another.

Kendall and James went swimming together, and I watched them sit on the edge of the dock. Their heads close, their mouths moving. From that distance, it looked like James could have been desperately in love with Kendall or completely ambivalent toward her. But Kendall’s body language was large enough to be read from where I sat. She wanted everything he had to offer, and probably a lot of things he didn’t.

Eliza and Max went for a walk to the creek. I didn’t know who had suggested it, only that they were gone when I returned, and that I was glad they were gone. Also, that I felt sad to be glad.

Camden and I lay on our backs, our heads touching, him reading my borrowed copy of Time Enough and me reading Planet Jasmine. Every once in a while, one of us made a joke about what was happening in our story.

“Uh-oh, Marr,” I’d say. “Keep it in your pants.”

In this way, the reality we shared right then was the one that mattered, the Silver Arrow reality we knew would have a happy ending even if it took us a while to get there.

Eventually, it was time for me to leave so I could pick up Danielle.

Kendall was out on the raft with James, so Camden walked me to my car, hobbling in his bare feet over the hot pavement of the parking lot. We kissed good-bye briefly, only halfway on the lips.

“Do you regret letting us steal you?” he asked as he opened my door for me.

“Never,” I said.

But it wasn’t until I was driving away from the lake that I realized I’d actually meant it.





17




“Why are we going to Millie’s?” asked Dani from the backseat, twirling a pink-and-yellow lanyard she’d made that day.

“Don’t you want to see Daddy? He’ll let you pick out some stickers.”

We rarely brought Dani to the store. All she wanted was to take stuff home. But I needed to get the paint set back on the shelf before closing time.

“Hey!” said Richard when we walked in. “What a surprise!”

He came around the counter and scooped up Dani. I looked at the pile of receipts and noticed there were more than usual. It must have gotten busy after I left.

“She wanted to come see you,” I said.

“No, I didn’t,” said Dani.

“Well, it seemed like she did. And I think I left my book here.”

Richard nodded, more preoccupied with the lanyard Dani was shoving in his face.

“I made it all by myself!” she said. “With my counselor! And a C.I.T.! It’s for Mommy on her first day of work.”

“She’ll love it,” said Richard. “Want some stickers? I got new ones.”

He put her down in front of the sticker rolls and put his head close to hers, showing her the options.

I took this moment to step into the paint aisle and dig the set out of my bag, stick it back into the empty space on the shelf like it was the final piece of a puzzle. I wished I wasn’t so good at arranging the displays. Richard would have noticed it was missing when he was doing his end-of-the-day rounds.