What Happens Now(44)

“Oh please, you two,” said Eliza, surveying us, our hands still intertwined. “Don’t get all county-fair cute on me. Remember, we’re subverting.”

“You can be cute and subvert at the same time,” said Camden casually, like we had not just done this gorgeous damage to each other, our lips moist and swollen. “You can’t tell me you don’t want to kiss Max on top of the Ferris wheel or have a bumper-car war.”

“I don’t want to kiss Max on top of the Ferris wheel,” she said firmly. “Although other things would be acceptable.”

“You guys,” said James. “Don’t be gross tonight.”

“Don’t listen to him,” said Max to Eliza. “Be gross. Please, please, please be gross.”

Eliza and Max held each other’s glance. Then Eliza looked at me and Camden with pride, and I realized how she’d set it all up. Them coming separately, Camden waiting behind the Ferris wheel so we’d be alone in the moments we first saw each other.

Kendall and James stood side by side with a comfortable gap between them, both clutching their cameras around their necks.

“Okay, here’s my plan,” said Eliza. “We head straight over to the fun house, because those shots may take us the longest and I want to get them out of the way while there’s still natural light.”

James nodded. “Golden time, as they say.”

“So where’s the fun house?” asked Camden.

“It’s in the same place every year,” I said. “Follow me.”

As we walked, I let go of Camden’s hand to fall into step next to Kendall, then lean in to whisper in her ear.

“When we’re done with the shoot, you and Jamie should go do your own thing. Something’s bound to happen at the fair, right?”

Kendall shrugged. “You’d think so.”

Fortunately, there was no line for the fun house, which was decorated, as always, with gigantic, distorted portraits of music icons. The leather-skinned carny guy at the entrance looked at us for only two seconds longer than he looked at everyone else.

“They must see it all,” said Camden as we walked over the rickety bridge.

“I wonder what it would take to really ruffle them,” I said.

Camden shuddered. “I actually don’t want to wonder that.”

We climbed to the second level where the maze of mirrors started. “Okay!” said Eliza. “This is it. Right here. Things are starting to feel awesome.”

She directed me to stand by one mirror, opened her purse, and handed me Satina’s trademark measuring-everything device. It was light as Styrofoam, and I remembered that night they were dumpster diving. I laughed, then held it skyward like Satina often did.

“You feel stupid, right?” asked Eliza. I nodded. “It’s okay. Embrace that. But in your mind, try to turn the stupid into fun. And free.”

I said the word Satina in my head. Do it, Ari. Shake off your skin and feel hers.

With silence and great seriousness, Camden crouched in front of me, his bare palm spread out on the floor like Azor did when he was telepathically reading a time and place.

“Look at that messed-up picture of Britney Spears,” said Eliza, directing us to look at the wall mural. “Keep your eyes on that.” She backed up to where James stood with his camera. “Yes! That is so perfect. Hold it there!”

James and Kendall stood on opposite sides of us, moving around a bit to get different angles. We got really into character now. Camden drew his gun and aimed it off camera, and I held out my device to test the atmosphere. After a few minutes, we had to pause to let a group of kids go through. They scanned us up and down, then giggled and kept going.

“Maybe they think we’re part of the fun house,” I said to Camden.

“I’m sad nobody’s recognizing us,” he said.

“I’m glad they’re not. I’m glad this just belongs to us.”

He leaned down and quickly kissed me, then grinned.

“Hey, ’Lize,” called Camden. “What about all that sexual tension between Azor and Satina?”

“They never hooked up,” said Eliza.

“But everyone imagined it,” I said.

We watched her smile. “They sure as hell did. Okay, let’s do a little fanfic version.”

Camden leaned in close to me, and in this space that was tiny but also infinite because of the reflections, I could truly imagine he was Azor and I was Satina. I had always, always wanted him and now he was renouncing his vow of celibacy. For me. Decades of fans had fantasized about being the one he did it for, but here, now, it was me.

Did we kiss for a minute? Five? An hour? I wanted to catapult out of myself again, the way I had for those few forever-moments behind the Ferris wheel, but we were on display now. We were putting on a show.

After we made our way through the rest of the fun house and stepped back onto the midway, Eliza said, “Let’s take our time getting over to the dairy pavilion. Just walk. Be them.”

So we did. I tried to look at the world of the fair through Satina’s eyes. This travel-weary woman who had seen so much, but nothing like this. She was trying to get her bearings as to where and when she was, and what was important to the people here. It must have been hard for her every time, despite her strength and independence. And of course, she was secretly, desperately in love with Azor, the man who could not give her what she needed most because he did not understand what it was.