Twelve Steps to Normal(91)

I sniff, and my next words come out watery. “Why have you always been so nice to me?”

Saylor leans back in the hammock. “We don’t just learn how to recover in Sober Living, you know. We learn how to be better people in general.” He gives me an amused look. “Plus, you’re like the younger sister I never had. I hope I don’t make your life too miserable.”

“I acted that way at first,” I admit. “But I don’t feel that way now.”

And for the first time in days, Saylor smiles.





Nonnie’s funeral takes place on Sunday, and it’s as unbearable as I thought it would be. The weather has shifted, bringing in a biting wind. I don’t know most of the people who attend, but my dad and Peach make sure to introduce themselves. I don’t feel like joining in on the politeness, not even when the casket is lowered into the ground and Queen’s “One Year of Love” plays.

I sit outside with Saylor and Wallis during the memorial afterward. I can’t make myself go inside and see all the pictures of Nonnie and meet the people who were in her life before me. It still makes me feel guilty. I should have tried to know her better.

“I’m going to head home,” I tell Saylor as we begin to see more and more people leave. “Do you want a ride?”

He shakes his head. He must be freezing, but he doesn’t complain. “I’ll wait for Peach, but thanks.”

When my dad was making funeral arrangements, I was afraid it would bring back awful memories of losing Grams. That was the trigger that made him seek absolution in alcohol. I kept a close eye on him, but he remained focused the entire time.

Trust.

I’m walking to the car when I hear a screech of tires in the parking lot. I look up, surprised to see Lin’s mother’s Explorer hurtling in my direction. Lin jolts to a stop beside me, then rolls down the window.

“I’m sorry!” she says, her voice rising in panic.

It’s unlike Lin to be in such a frenzied state. It puts me on edge. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes—well, sort of. Raegan’s mom is in labor!”

I feel my mouth fall open. I’d nearly forgotten her due date was near. “It’s happening?”

“It’s happening!” she practically shouts. “I tried to get ahold of you, but—”

I shake my head. I’d left my phone in my room before we came because I didn’t feel like being connected to technology today. Raegan must be freaking out. I can’t even imagine. She’s been anticipating this day for so long.

I run around to the passenger’s side. “I’ll go with you.”

Lin speeds all the way to the hospital. My stomach drops when she pulls up to Merciful Heart. It’s the largest hospital in Cedarville, so I should have expected Raegan’s family would be here, but it doubles my pain of losing Nonnie.

Lin parks and we run into the building, then we take the elevator up to the maternity ward. Whitney is standing in the waiting area, waving us over.

“They went back there half an hour ago. It shouldn’t be too much longer, I think.” She turns to me, taking in my black dress. Before I can comprehend what’s happening, she wraps me in a quick hug. “I’m sorry.”

When Whitney breaks away, Lin quickly says, “I’m going to find some coffee.”

I turn to Whitney, surprised by her warmth and sympathy. “Thank you.”

“I’m been so prideful and stupid,” she says, tears filling her eyes. “You’ve apologized and tried not to make things weird, and I held all that against you. And now you lost someone, again, and… it makes me so sad. It’s so unfair.”

I’m shocked at her confession. “It doesn’t matter, okay? We both messed up, but we’re here now.”

She sniffs, wiping her eyes. “God, sorry. I’m blubbering all over you when you’re the one going through a hard time.” She meets my gaze. “Are you okay?”

“Not really,” I admit.

She hugs me again, this time not letting go as quickly as she did before. I let myself hug her back. I know she’s flawed—we both are—but I miss her. Even if we aren’t as close as we used to be, even if we’ve grown apart, I still want her to be my friend.

When we break away, I ask, “How’s Raegan?”

“Absolutely freaking out. She snapped at a nurse for something I didn’t understand. She must have done more research than we thought.”

“Shocking.”

“Right?” Whitney looks around. “Poor Lin. Does she even like coffee?”

I laugh, knowing the answer and appreciating her giving us our time.

“I know it’s not my place to say this,” Whitney says. “But knowing you and your dad, I have to know that Nonnie had a great last few months of her life with you guys.”

I think of Nonnie laughing out in the backyard as Saylor toppled over in his headstand. How she paraded through the house in the Freddie Mercury cape. How she teased Peach’s overly polite southern mannerisms and taught my dad all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody.” How she was never going to give up on Saylor—or me.

I have to believe she loved it here, too.

“Thank you,” I tell her. “That means a lot.”