The Truth About Keeping Secrets(60)

At first it felt like a betrayal.

But then it became completely stupid and completely fun. We didn’t know any of the words to the songs but it didn’t matter. The lights bounced from his face to mine, and his tie became looser, and I thought of how, if Gerry could see us, she would shout, ‘Oh, finding joy in the darkness! That’s what life is all about!’ My cynicism leaped from me in the form of sweat and belly-laughter and shrieks that came from deep in my throat – Leo spun me and twirled me and the cringey DJ was about thirty-two, we said, what was he doing at a high school? He kept playing these bad songs and we just laughed and laughed and laughed, fast-danced to the fast songs and slow-danced to the slow ones, and Leo was so much taller than me that my arms couldn’t wrap round him so my hands just sort of sat round his neck, as though I was very half-heartedly attempting to strangle him, and we laughed at that too.

And that was the world, for a bit. A world without June, without Dad, without death. Leo felt like the most important and wonderful thing.

This was the one time I’d felt like maybe Dad would’ve looked at me from above and thought, Oh, thank God, she’s not a total wreck.

In a blink it was over. They played the last song and the lights went up and now it was bright enough to see what we’d done, bright enough to see the layer of sweat glistening on Leo’s forehead, and, he told me, the melted mascara underneath my eyes.

Everyone began to file out, laughing and talking loudly; I imagined their heads were still floating around near the ceiling. Leo and I hung back, waiting for people to leave first so we wouldn’t have to squeeze through the too-small double doors. My cheeks hurt from smiling, my calves from jumping, and my head from the unexpected assurance that maybe, maybe, everything, someday, was going to be OK.

That was when my phone buzzed.

Them: fuck fuck fuck fuck

My blood ran cold.

Leo noticed my face had changed, but I did my best to blink my expression away. ‘Could you do me a favour and grab our coats?’

‘Yeah. What’s …?’

I couldn’t show him. It’d ruin the night. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. ‘Please?’ I practically begged, one moment away from kneeling and clasping my hands together: Please, don’t look.

He nodded and shuffled away, but now, alone, I felt overwhelmingly as though I was being watched, and found a quiet spot behind the bleachers.

The texts wouldn’t stop. Buzz. Buzz.

What had happened? Were they here? At my house? My mind spun, trying to keep up with my fears, trying to conceive of every possible worst-case scenario, trying to figure out what to do –

A tap on my shoulder.

‘Hey, Whitaker.’





Chapter 14


June.

I whipped round and almost shed my fucking skin, first from fear and then from confusion and honestly there was just too much stimulation and my body had no idea how to process it, so I froze. She looked at me expectantly, mouth pursed in a weak smirk.

Her dress matched the bright red on her lips, straps wilting off the sharp drop of her shoulders. Her hair was coiled in its usual curls except she’d wrapped the pieces at the front away from her face, leaving room for the canopies of her eyelashes and the glitter she’d pressed on to her cheeks. She was beautiful – she was always beautiful – but her mascara was smudged, and her lipstick smeared, and broken red lines ran along the whites of her eyes.

I should have been happy to see her. I was, sort of. But something was wrong.

‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, because it had to be asked eventually so I figured I’d get it out of the way. I pocketed my phone nonchalantly, hoping that she hadn’t seen – or if she had seen, she wouldn’t ask.

‘So, it’s a long story,’ June said. ‘What are you doing here?’ I figured she was referring to the fact that I was behind the bleachers conferring with some balled-up napkins and stray confetti. I would have been embarrassed had I not been so worried.

‘It’s a long story,’ I echoed. ‘Did you just get here?’

‘A little bit ago, yeah.’

‘You came right as it ended?’

‘Mm. But I’m here now. So.’

I couldn’t decide what she wanted me to say. ‘Well, you kind of … missed it.’

‘I didn’t really come for the dancing. Also, your tie is coming off. How amateur.’ She grabbed hold of each end and looped it with her fingers dancing while my body stiffened at the sudden closeness.

‘You can tie bowties?’

She shrugged. ‘Heath.’

‘Where is he? Is he here?’

‘Nope. Just me.’

I didn’t know what else to say, so I said what I was thinking: ‘You look really nice.’

‘So do you,’ she said. My flesh rippled with goosebumps.

‘I mean, do you want to go, I don’t know – do you want to go do something? It sucks that you came all the way just to … Me and Leo were gonna go hang out at mine for a bit. You can come with us if you want. I mean, I’d also want you to come. I’m sure you’d get along with Leo. He, he goes to Collins and …’

June shook her head. ‘No, I don’t think so.’

‘What do you mean? What’s the matter?’