The Queen of Bright and Shiny Things(24)

Most likely it falls under the heading of neglect, though if he’s been looking after his terminally ill mother for years, he’s not a kid in the usual sense of the word. I respect his desire for privacy.

“I promise.”

His silence makes it clear he’d prefer not to say more.

Then it dawns on me. “I’ve been pestering the crap out of you.” I should’ve known there would be a reason he avoids people, but I only thought about how he made me feel. It’s been a long time since I was so selfish, since I let myself be. Ryan was right after all when he dubbed Shane antisocial. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He’s smiling. “I haven’t had friends the past few years. It was too hard. I was taking care of my mom, no time to hang out. Most of them got tired and went looking for fun.”

Friends? Well. If that’s what he needs, what he sees in me … I die a little inside because this feels like Ryan all over again. Maybe I’m just destined to play that role. I muster a smile.

“I think you’re fun,” I say.

“You pick up garbage for a good time.”

I shake my head. “That’s giving back to the community.”

If Ryan taught me anything about friendship, it’s that hugs are acceptable. And I could use one after hearing Shane’s story. So I reach for him, winding my arms around his neck. At first he’s stiff, like he doesn’t know what to do, then he gets it, softening into me, and his arms curl around my back. It feels so good I almost moan.

Friend. He wants a friend. I’ll get right on that.

He murmurs into my hair, “I came here looking to finish school quietly. Stay out of trouble. Maybe write some new songs. I never expected you.”





CHAPTER NINE

Come Wednesday, I’m still wondering what Shane meant. Today, when I get to my locker, the Post-it isn’t blue; it’s green, and it’s written in normal ballpoint pen. I told her. You’re still everything. Despite my best intentions, I glance over at Ryan. He looks worse than he did yesterday; I can tell the conversation with Cassie wasn’t easy. I’m glad he manned up, but I’m not sure what he expects from me. It would be easy and safe for me to walk across the hall and into his arms, just slip into the relationship he let everyone think we already had.

But that doesn’t feel like the right choice. I mean, it’s not that I want to hurt him, but this isn’t as easy as Ryan wants it to be. Quietly, I take down the Post-it and stick it inside my binder. I don’t know if I’m keeping this one, but I won’t throw it away in front of him. Despite what he’s done, he was my best friend for years.

Lila joins me, her gaze following mine. “Ouch. I think he’s really in love with you.”

“Maybe he should’ve realized that sooner,” I mutter.

“Hey, I’m not advocating a reconciliation. Do what you need to.”

He shapes the word please as we stare at each other across the hall. Please, what? Forgive you? Talk to you? Deliberately, I turn away.

“See you at lunch,” I say to Lila, heading off to class.

Shane’s in Geometry today, a fact that makes me happy. He smiles at me as he takes his seat, but there’s no chance to talk. Mackiewicz dumps another quiz on us, but this time, I can do some of the work, possibly even enough for a passing grade. If I can show something other than an F, dated later than the prior two, Aunt Gabby will be less disappointed. When I hand forward my paper, I’m relatively confident that I didn’t fail.

Shane waits for me after class. Dylan and his crew linger for a few seconds, but when they see he’s not forever alone, they move on. They’re cowards like that. It’s one thing to pick on a kid, another to deal with his friends. While the teachers will look the other way in some instances, when you start involving lots of other parents, that becomes impossible. Which is why Shane shouldn’t wander the halls by himself until the jocks lose interest in him.

“Lunch?” I ask.

“Sure. Just let me stop by my locker.”

“Not a problem.”

I tell myself it’s for his benefit that I follow him around the corner; he’s situated in the opposite corner of the school from me. He stows his backpack, then turns. “Ready.”

Today I banked that he wouldn’t have anything with him, so I packed enough food for two. I get the feeling his dad is so underwater with medical bills that he’s not sending much living allowance. That would be why Shane’s perpetually hungry. I stop at my locker, too, on the way to the lunchroom. When we walk in, Theo waves, like he was watching for me.

“Friend of yours?” Shane asks.

“Not exactly. He’s the kid we sat with the other day.”

“Oh, right. Seems like he’s into you.”

“Maybe.” I suspect it’s more that he enjoys the attention they’re getting due to our presence at their table.

At the moment, people are talking about Ryan and me, Lila and me. The lesbian rumor seems to be dying out, at least. Soon, somebody will get drunk or pregnant, crash a car or steal one, and then that’ll be the new focus. It can’t come soon enough for me. I head over, smiling, and the girls, at least, seem truly happy to see me. I introduce Shane to Kimmy, Mel, and Shanna. He’s polite, but I see he’s feeling a bit WTF about the whole thing. As he said, his master plan was to lay low, write songs, and get out of school unnoticed. Between Dylan Smith and me, that’s becoming impossible. I can’t control Dylan, but I’m not letting him pick on Shane anymore if there’s anything I can do about it. And I do have one card to play but I’d rather not, unless he forces me to it. We’ll see.