The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School(34)

“Sorry, I know we haven’t talked in a while. I was wondering . . .” Jenna takes a breath. “Are you going to homecoming?” Her face is completely red. People are starting to stare. Amber and David drop their jaws.

“Are you asking me to homecoming?” Bo’s smile grows, and I notice now that when she smiles with her whole face, the right side of her mouth tilts slightly higher. It’s the cutest crooked smile ever, and I want to see more of it—though preferably not because of Jenna. Bo’s whole face lights up, and mine goes hot. I don’t know, I guess I was looking forward to not going to homecoming. With Bo.

Karen bursts out laughing, and Bo’s face twists in confusion.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It was just a dare!” Jenna giggles uncontrollably. “Holy shit, I think she was gonna say yes!” She laughs. Everyone laughs. Bo’s face goes red, and so does my vision.

“You think that’s fucking funny?” I stand. It takes a lot to get me to stand up for myself. But when you mess with my friends? I can’t just sit there. I march straight over to Jenna and Karen. Amber is right behind me. They run away, giggling. They actually run away from us as we walk over. I guess I was kind of hoping that would happen, since I don’t know what I would have done if they actually squared up.

Bo stands up, too, but goes in the other direction. She’s gone from the cafeteria before she can hear the nasty things people are saying. Amber and I chase after her out into the parking lot. David calls after us, but we’re not turning back. Not without Bo.

“Bo, wait!” I call out, but she doesn’t stop. She walks straight to her car, and we have to run to catch her before she opens the door.

“Where are you going?” Amber asks.

“Home.” Bo gets into her car. She’s not getting away that easy, though. I hop into the passenger seat. Amber climbs in the back.

“If you want us to stay with you, we will,” I say, and Amber nods.

Bo doesn’t look at us.

“We don’t have to talk about it. We can get ice cream, or go to the movies or something. I’m buying.” Amber reaches forward to put a hand on Bo’s shoulder.

Bo half smiles, and the air is a little less tense.

“Movies.” She starts the car, and we drive off.

One thing I can’t stand about Halloween season is the horror movies. I hate them with a passion; action movies are more my thing. But Bo likes horror. And today is about Bo, so I suck it up. Big, deep breaths—I don’t want to look like a total baby. It’s lunchtime, so we’re the only ones in the theater. There’s still popcorn littering the floor in front of our seats, since the staff probably wasn’t expecting anyone to show up.

“Oh my gosh, we’re still in our uniforms. We’re going to get caught.” Amber squeezes my and Bo’s arms.

“Shh, we’ll be fine,” Bo says.

“I’m so nervous. This is great. I love you guys,” Amber whispers.

“I love you guys, too,” Bo whispers back.

“Why are we whispering?” I say in my outside voice, to remind them we’re alone in the theater. They laugh.

Within the first ten minutes of the movie, Bo clasps my hand hard. I jump a little because I wasn’t expecting it. It’s good for me to think about anything other than the movie to keep from getting too freaked out. So Bo holding my hand would be a nice little distraction, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m freaking out over that, too. Eventually I notice she’s also holding Amber’s hand. It’s not a Thing, I guess. Still, she’s holding my hand.

Bianca used to hold my hand.

She did it all the time, and it was never a big deal until I came out. She made it seem like I was some kind of monster for letting her hold my hand without telling her I’m gay. Since she wouldn’t have done it if she knew, apparently. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. Friends hold hands sometimes, and I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to do that. Is it so bad that I wanted to give and receive the same level of affection from my friends as everyone else? But since I like girls, every bit of physical contact is taken as sexual. It’s lonely.

So when Bo holds my hand without apologizing, I feel like it’s a slap right in Bianca’s big mouth. Because Bo doesn’t give a shit about Bianca’s unspoken rules, at least with me and Amber. Gay friends can hold hands, too.

When the movie is over, I realize I’ve been squeezing Bo’s hand so hard I can barely straighten my fingers.

“Oh, sorry,” I say as I try to get my hand to look less like a clump of disfigured tentacles.

“It was a team effort.” Bo opens and closes both her palms, laughing.

Ditching school for the movies was a good Band-Aid, but I’m guessing the wound is still there, because the next day, Bo isn’t in the cafeteria at lunch. She didn’t respond to my text asking where she was, so David, Amber, and I go looking for her. She’s not out in the courtyard or in any of the bathrooms.

We finally find her in the art room, working on a drawing she hides as soon as we walk in. I take the seat next to her, and Amber and David sit on the other side of the table.

“What are you doing in here?” Amber asks.

“Hiding,” Bo says matter-of-factly.

“We’ll hide with you.” David pulls out his sketchbook and starts drawing. I get mine out too.