The Fragile Ordinary(84)

Embarrassed by her praise but glad of it, I said, “Tobias would have found his way back to himself with or without me. I really believe that.”

“Yes, maybe. But you got him there faster. I’m glad he has you.”

I bit my lip to contain the massive grin that wanted to burst across my face. “Thanks. And thank you for a lovely day and dinner.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Anytime.”

The sound of Tobias thundering down the stairs quietened us and he appeared in the doorway, clutching something in his hand. “Time to go.”

I said my goodbyes to his mum and Tobias helped me into my coat. Once we were both bundled up he took my hand and led me outside. We walked in companionable silence through town, passing the large Christmas tree on a square in the High Street. The only other attempt at decoration in town was by our local hardware store, which had projected a Christmas image on the building across from it.

Tonight the sea was relatively calm, just a hush in the background as it sipped at the shore. The moon was full and bright and I remembered how as a kid I would stand at my bedroom window and stare up at the sky on Christmas Eve, desperate to see the black silhouette of Santa and his sleigh passing over the moon. I longed for the days when I’d truly believed in magic, but tonight was the first Christmas Eve in years where the longing was just a pang instead of a deep ache.

When we reached my garden gate Tobias stopped us and reached inside his jacket. “Merry Christmas.” He handed me the package.

Delight bubbled up inside of me. “I put yours under your tree while you were upstairs.” I’d been sneaky a few weeks ago, asking about what aftershave he wore. I’d bought him a gift set of it. The truth was I’d been unsure what to buy him. I’d never had a boyfriend before, and we hadn’t discussed budget or what was expected of us. Erring on the side of caution, I’d worried since I’d bought it that the gift was too simple.

“I want you to open it now, if that’s okay,” he said, and if I didn’t know any better I would have thought he was nervous.

That made me a little nervous. I tore open the gold Christmas paper he’d wrapped it in, and laughter immediately exploded out of me at what was in my hands.

It was my favorite perfume! Tobias had obviously snuck around in my room to find out what it was.

“Is laughter good?” he said.

“Yes!” I hugged him. “You’ll understand when you see your gift.”

“Okay.” He grinned in relief. “I just wasn’t sure what we were...”

“Budget, expectation, generic or handmade, all the questions.” I nodded in understanding, making him laugh. “Seriously, you’ll feel happy with your present to me when you see my present to you.”

Tobias’s brows drew together. “You bought me cologne, didn’t you?”

I giggled until he kissed the laughter from my lips, and I suddenly wished he was staying with me all night.





THE FRAGILE ORDINARYSAMANTHA YOUNG





25

Time to tell that star goodbye,

Too much wishing blew its spark.

So tonight I’ll watch that star die,

Watch it disappear into the dark.





—CC


Tobias was reluctant to let me go, and I tried to assure him I was fine. That was quite difficult to do when it was a lie.

For the first time ever I was anxious about stepping inside my own home.

I didn’t know how my confrontation with Kyle would affect us. Yes, my parents had been negligent and self-absorbed, but they’d also never been angry or mean to me. Part of me wished I’d kept my mouth shut so that we could have gone on existing peacefully with one another, like roommates happy with the basic idea of having found someone to coexist with who didn’t irritate them.

When I slipped into the house that night, I felt like I had a flurry of angry moths in my stomach, I was so nervous. The sound of the television from the living room filtered out and down the L-shaped hallway toward me, and I could smell Carrie’s famous chicken curry in the air. Kyle had been telling the truth. They really were just having a quiet Christmas Eve together.

Stupidly I wondered whether I shouldn’t have stayed home after all and soaked up time with my parents while they wanted to spend it with me. But that seemed desperate and forgiving, and right then I was neither.

As much as Lena King’s words had lifted my spirits, and as much as I was grateful to have Tobias and Vicki in my life, it wasn’t enough to forget the hollowness my parents had carved into me. I had to hope that time would take care of my wounds, that eventually they would heal, and all I’d be left with was a scar that itched every now and then.

However, that time was not quite here yet.

On that thought, I didn’t announce my safe arrival home. Instead I used the bathroom, brushed my teeth and shut myself inside my bedroom.

My phone binged on my bedside table as I snuggled deep into my bed. I reached over and touched the screen, and saw a message from Vicki.

It’s officially Xmas! Have a Merry One, Comet! ILYSM xx PS. I opnd yr pressie early. <3ed it!! Thx xx

I grinned and replied:

Merry Christmas, Vick! ILYSM2 xx P.S. I’ll open mine in the morning because I’m a good girl xx

She replied with the sticky-out tongue emoji. I was grateful to her for putting a smile on my face before I tried to drift off to sleep. Before I could, however, my phone binged again.