The Fragile Ordinary(79)

“Of course they have. They’d be idiots not to.”

“You guys are the best!” she squealed in delight. “Okay. I have to go backstage and get cleaned up. Mum and Dad are taking me out for celebratory dinner. I’ll call you guys later.” We hugged again and then she left Vicki and me alone.

“So,” I said as we made our way through the crowds toward the exit. “Your parents are here. Together.”

She nodded, wearing a careful expression as if she didn’t want to show she was hopeful or excited by the thought. “They’re trying. Dad is moving back in tonight, and we’re doing Christmas as a family. I’m a little bit worried, though.”

“Don’t be,” I assured her. “Nobody’s parents are perfect, Vick. But you’ve got good ones who are just trying their best.”

She frowned. “I know. I’ll try to remind myself of that when they’re arguing over how long the turkey should be left in the oven, while Ben and I munch on all our Christmas chocolate behind their backs.”

I chuckled but inside I didn’t feel like laughing. Inside, I was envious of the picture she’d painted. It sounded normal. It sounded right.

Even if I couldn’t have that in my life, Vicki deserved to have it, and I was happy for her. My friend had no idea just how much she meant to me. I hugged her before she could get in her parent’s car, although I’d surprised her, she hugged me back, squeezing me tight. We didn’t say anything, just laughed a little at ourselves.

Vicki’s parents dropped me off by the Espy, and with their well-wishes for a wonderful Christmas ringing in my ears, I walked home along the cold, quiet esplanade. The sea was rough tonight, rushing ashore aggressively, and its bad mood seeped into my good mood, dimming it.

Loneliness cascaded over me.

It always did at this time of year as soon as school let out. Christmas for me wasn’t what it was for most people who had parents. On Christmas Eve, Kyle and Carrie always threw a party for their friends and while the house was filled with music and laughter, it never seemed to reach me where I sat alone in my bedroom.

When I was younger my parents gave in to tradition, and I’d always wake up on Christmas morning to presents under the tree in the sitting room. The older I got, however, the fewer the presents that could be found under there until eventually there was only a single card with a red bow among the presents I’d bought for them. Inside the card were vouchers for the bookstore. A generous amount of money, yes, but always the same thing.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Every Christmas morning, I’d also wake up to a Christmas stocking at the foot of my bed. It was filled with chocolates, sweets, nail polish, hair accessories, pen sets, makeup and other cute, fun things. I knew it was Kyle. Always giving me just a little of what I wanted from him. Attention. Affection. Thoughtfulness.

But always just a little.

Temporary.

Never enough.

I blinked away the tears that had clouded my vision and huddled against the battering wind howling up the beach. It was a horrible night and the house was sure to be cold, because Kyle and Carrie were out for the evening. The heavy feeling in my chest was such that I knew I had to do something about it or I’d end up crying myself to sleep.

I’d call Tobias when I got home.

He’d take my mind off it.

As if I’d conjured him from my deep need to not be alone tonight, Tobias was suddenly there as I pushed open the garden gate. Standing, arms crossed against the cold, in my doorway.

Loneliness slid off my shoulders like tar that could no longer find a grip. It lay on the pathway behind me, forgotten, as I hurried toward my boyfriend and threw myself into his arms.

“Oof.” He caught me and hugged me to him immediately. “You okay?” he murmured against my ear.

I pulled back to smile at him. “I am now.”

He grinned. “Yeah? You mind letting me into your house then, because I’m freezing my ass off here.”

Laughing, I reluctantly let him go so I could unlock the door. He huddled in behind me, stamping his feet and rubbing his arms. Concern washed over me. “How long have you been waiting out there?”

“About half an hour. I thought the show ended earlier.”

Tobias wasn’t really into the theater so I hadn’t thought it was fair to force him to come see a school show. He’d told me he was hanging out with Luke tonight. “Why aren’t you with the boys?”

“I was, but they got some girls around and were starting to party so...”

So he’d left. To come be with me. “I love you,” I blurted out.

Tobias smiled, bemused. “Yeah, I love you, too.”

“No.” I shook my head, frustrated that I couldn’t articulate what was on my mind. “I really love you.”

Now he frowned. “You don’t think I really love you?”

“No, I’m saying it wrong.” Huffing at myself, I began unzipping his jacket. He chuckled as I pulled off his outerwear with all the efficiency of a mother with her toddler. “Shoes off,” I said, as I took off my coat and winter accessories.

“Comet—”

“My room. Now.” I grabbed his hand and led him. Thankfully, Kyle and Carrie had left the heat on, so my bedroom was nice and toasty. As soon as the door closed behind him, I locked it.