The Fragile Ordinary(71)

Even though I felt him react, the next second he was off me, sitting up on the bed, trying to catch his breath.

I lay there, my arms suspended in the air where his head had been, wondering what on earth had happened.

He’d stopped.

“Why?” I huffed, sitting up and smoothing my sweater down.

“What?” He wouldn’t look at me.

It was bad enough not knowing what I was walking into at school every day, but not knowing whether my boyfriend really wanted to be with me was the last straw. “Do you not fancy me?”

Tobias whipped around to look at me, incredulity written all over his face. “What? Comet, why would you say that?”

I blushed, mortified by my insecurities. “Well... I just...”

He grabbed my hand, pressing it against his chest where I could feel his heart’s speedy thud. “Of course I do. Believe me—” his eyes smoldered as they wandered lazily over my face and body “—I do. You’re beautiful.”

I blushed again, this time from the compliment. He’d never called me beautiful before.

He groaned, touching my hot cheek. “And even more so when you do that. Why would you think otherwise?”

Still confused I explained, “You never seem to want to kiss me, never mind do anything else.”

“I kiss you all the time,” he argued.

“Without tongue,” I boldly and indignantly snapped.

The idiot looked ready to burst into laughter. “Okay...”

“I’m being serious, Tobias. You peck me on the lips now and then but you never seem to want to do more. I’m not made of glass. I’m not...” I bit my lip and looked away, hearing the taunts again. “I’m not frigid like they say I am.”

Tobias shifted closer to me, eyebrows drawn together. “I know. What they’re saying...it is getting to me, just not like you think. I try to ignore them even though I want to teach them a lesson they won’t forget. But I want everything to be good for us here, and I want that more than I want to pummel Jimmy’s face in. I hate the way they talk about us, about you. I worry about how it makes you feel...and I didn’t want to make the wrong move or seem like I was pushing for all the stuff that those guys are talking about. I want you to be ready, and I don’t want anyone’s crap messing up how we feel when we’re together like that.”

His explanation was the loveliest, most thoughtful explanation I could have hoped for. And it also made me realize I’d been kind of a self-absorbed brat. I wasn’t the only one affected by the bullying. I sometimes forgot to look past the big, tall, strong guy who had seemed invulnerable that first day I ever saw him. I knew better. And I was guilty of being a bad girlfriend.

“I’m sorry they made you feel like that.” I inched closer to him, leaning my chin on his shoulder. He was staring at a spot on my wall, the muscle in his jaw popping. That alone should have told me how bothered he was by the guys and their stupid comments. The sweep of his jawline was sharp, masculine and angular and just one of a few reasons Tobias looked older than sixteen. His handsomeness never ceased to affect me, and every day that he showed me how gorgeous he was on the inside, he grew more beautiful to me on the outside, too. Something I’d been longing to ask him prodded at me until I couldn’t contain it any longer. “Can I ask you something?”

He turned to look at me, our noses inches apart. “You can ask me anything.”

“Have you... I mean...rumor has it you and Heather...well...slept together.” The words tasted bitter leaving my mouth.

Shaking his head before pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of my nose, he said, “Never.”

Relief flooded me. I think I could bear the thought of him having had sex with anyone but Heather. Although her bullying seemed like small change compared to Stevie’s crew, I’d still never forgive her for picking on me all those years ago, no matter her reasons.

“Have you...had sex, though? With the girl you used to date back in Raleigh?”

“Ashley?” He frowned. “Nah. She comes from a very Christian family. She doesn’t believe in sex before marriage.”

More relief began creeping over, hope even, “So does that mean you’re a virgin, too?”

Tobias’s expression turned apologetic and I felt myself stiffen without meaning to. “No.”

“Then who?” My stomach churned at the thought of him with another girl, but I wanted to know.

He pulled away, rubbing the back of his neck, something he only ever did when he was uncomfortable. “Why is it important?”

Now I really needed to know. “I thought you and I could talk about anything?”

“Well, you sound annoyed and I don’t want to end up arguing over something that doesn’t affect how I feel about you.”

Suspicion began to creep over me. “If it meant nothing, then just tell me who she is.”

Exhaling heavily, he shot me a baleful look. “I barely remember it, Comet.”

“Tobias.”

“Fine. It was a couple of weeks after I just got here. I was still pretty messed up about everything and Stevie took me to a party over the summer. At Jess Reed’s house.”

I think my heart stopped.

“I was so wasted,” he hurried to explain at the sight of my unmasked hurt. “Comet. Come on. So was Jess. I can hardly remember it. My first time. It was just a drunken fumble in her bedroom.”