The Fragile Ordinary(59)
Her reaction brought all my insecurities to the forefront. “I should be worried, shouldn’t I?”
“I’m not sure. Did he actually say out loud that he wanted to go out with you?”
Had he? “Well...no.” I shook my head, completely confused myself now. “But...it was implied. You had to be there.”
“Hmm.” My friend did not look convinced, and suddenly my heart was racing madly in my chest. “But you’re seeing him today?”
“With Stevie, yes.”
“When Stevie leaves, you have to ask Tobias straight out whether or not you’re dating. No way I’ll have him playing you, Com.”
Her protectiveness was sweet but I was not reassured. She seemed too easily ready to believe that I’d gotten Tobias wrong somehow. His reputation didn’t exactly lend itself to the idea of him being a good boyfriend, but I knew Tobias. I did.
A little annoyed with Vicki for making me doubt everything, and even more annoyed with myself for being so easily doubtful, I changed the subject to the one that didn’t make me annoyed with my friend. Only concerned. “Where’s your dad? His car isn’t in the driveway.”
For a moment Vicki just stared at me.
And then she burst into tears.
No buildup.
Just bawling.
I immediately wrapped my arms around her and drew her head to my shoulder, holding her tight as her body shook with her tears. “Vicki?” I eventually asked when her tears slowed.
She pulled away from me to wipe at her cheeks, blobs of mascara now congregating around the corners of her eyes. “He moved out, Comet.” She choked on the words, her lips trembling. “Weeks ago.”
Guilt slammed into me.
“That’s why I’ve been so mad at you. My dad’s gone, and I couldn’t even talk to you about it.”
“Oh God, Vick.” Tears filled my eyes now, “I’m so sorry. I’m such a horrible friend.”
“No.” She shook her head vigorously, her afro bouncing around her shoulders as if incongruous to her emotions, “We’ve both been crap friends. I could have just talked to you, told you, and I know that you would have made time and been there for me. I just... I needed someone to be mad at. I don’t want to be mad at them, because I don’t want to make things worse. They said it’s just a break, but I’m really worried that they’re never getting back together.” She reached for my hand and covered it with both of hers. “I’m sorry for taking it out on you.”
I hugged her again, my pulse beating fast for her. I wished I could take away her worries or carry them for her instead. The truth was I couldn’t really understand what it must feel like to worry about parents splitting up and a family being torn apart. However, I had always envied Vicki her life with her family. It hurt me that she might not have that special unity in her life anymore.
“They promise it’s not about me,” she sniffled, resting her head on my shoulder again. “They said they were frustrated with each other and taking it out on us. They said they didn’t want that, so they were taking some time apart. But I don’t know if I believe them—I think I might have caused this.”
I squeezed her waist. “Vick, it can’t possibly just be about their differences over what you should do with your life. There has to be more to it than that. I’m positive.”
“You think?”
“Of course. Don’t blame yourself. Maybe they really do just need a break. They’ve been together a long time—they’re bound to need some space from each other.”
She sat up. “Your parents don’t.”
I snorted at the comparison. “My parents are the most dysfunctional codependent couple on the planet. Please do not use them as an example of a good relationship.”
“You don’t think they have a good relationship? They’re so in love.”
Bitterness and resentment, feelings I kept buried deep down most of the time in order to function, rose up inside of me. “To the detriment of all others. You can be in love and not be selfish dipshits, Vicki. If your parents need a break to be better people for you and your brother, then that’s a hell of a lot more love and consideration than my parents ever gave me.”
Something shifted in Vicki’s expression, lightened maybe. “I guess. I never thought about it that way.”
“Just give them time.”
Vick nodded and then she smirked at me. “Do your parents know Tobias stayed the night?”
I grinned and recounted the conversation between me and my dad.
Her mouth fell open in half shock, half laughter. She studied me, almost as if she’d never seen me before. And then she just flat-out grinned. “I think I like Tobias’s influence on you.”
*
As much as I was desperate to see Tobias and afraid to at the same time, I’d like to think I’m not that self-absorbed. I did offer to spend the rest of the day with Vicki, not wanting to leave her alone when she was feeling so down about her parents’ separation, but she insisted she had a ton of work to do for the show.
I knew the show meant a lot to her and Steph but I was kind of glad it would be over soon. It had stolen all their time, and yes, as petty as it may seem, I was jealous it had brought the two of them closer together.