The Forsaken(38)

Izzy closed the books and gave Meredith her full attention. Meredith’s eyes shifted from the floor to the walls. Izzy clocked the silence. “Say it, Meredith. What have you come to say to me? I need to hear it. I need to know.”

“You will not like it.”

Izzy huffed, swiping her damp hair off her face. She tried to recall when last she’d bathed, calculating from her hair’s obvious state of distress she had best attend to that today. “There is not much these days that I do like. Tell me.”

Meredith’s answered in a heavy sigh. “I fear…I fear she will attempt to end her life.”

Izzy flew out of the chair. “You can’t be serious.”

“I fear such.”

“Why?” Because we are taught as Cherubs to value the power of our soul more than anything else, she thought, biting her lip. Izzy barely refrained from launching into a tirade about Cherub culture. She could tell Meredith wasn’t in the mood.

“Izzy, she is more than dishonored.”

Izzy harrumphed in annoyance. “Meredith, we’ve been exiled. I’ve had my wings cut off. In case you haven’t noticed. We are all dishonored.”

“No,” said Meredith, her tone serious.

“The gravest of crimes happened to Shea. The power of her soul forced from her by…by a demon. She is unclean.”

And just how was her soul forced from her? Izzy didn’t like to think too long about the how of it, and really it didn’t matter. The worst of crimes had befallen her sister. She was at fault for failing her. “Bull!” shouted Izzy.

“That is Cherub way.”

Izzy got in Meredith’s face. “Don’t say that again. She’s innocent.”

Meredith attempted to place a calming hand on Izzy’s arm. Izzy shook her off.

“Isabella, I know that. You know that. But Cherub teachings preach—”

“They preach a lot of bull. I will not allow her to think that of herself. I order her not to.”

Meredith gave a sad chuckle. “If only it were that simple. Do you honestly think the power of your order will make her feel worthy? Will make her feel whole? This order is not one she can obey yet. And before you say another thing, you need to know, that there are marks on her wrists…she tried to end her life after what happened. I think she tried to use a piece of glass to slice…”

“Meredith, enough. This is our fault.” My fault. “We must work hard to make her feel worthy. She did not ask for this. We will protect her. Place a sister in the room with her at all times.”

“Shea will know the why?”

“I don’t care. She is not herself at the moment and not thinking clearly.”

“Isabella, to her, the way is clear. No Seraphim will ever have her. Your Nathanael came to Earth to seek you out. She saw that as hope.”

“Hope,” spat Izzy. “He is not hope. Certainly not mine or ours.”

“You are wrong,” said Meredith, moving toward the window. Izzy followed her, wishing it poured and hating the sunlight that streamed into the room when all her thoughts were dark.

“Nathanael is your salvation. Shea knows there is no hope for her to return after what befell her.”

“Meredith, I’ve been over this a hundred times with you. None of us, least of all me—the Forsaken One, the mutilated one—will ever go home. Like it or not, we are on Earth for eternity.”

Still looking out the window, Meredith answered in a tired voice. “You’re wrong, Izzy. You and I both know Nathanael only has to say the words—bind you to him—then you will be allowed back. A penance served.”

Izzy grasped Meredith’s shoulders turning her to face her. “Never. I will never allow that to happen.”

“Allow what to happen?”

Nathanael’s voice, the last one Izzy expected to hear, soared through her, catching her off guard. Well, what did I expect? A week. Not one word. I thought he’d left. Should have known he’d sneak back into my life. “Nothing,” she muttered.

He didn’t say anything. He simply stared at her, unnerving her, and that annoyed Izzy.

“It is good to see you, Nathanael. Fare thee well?”

Nathanael nodded at Meredith. “By my blessed heart, I am well. How fares Shea?”

“Cut the formal speak. After years here, I’ve discovered I hate it. Actually, I hated it then, but at least now I have the freedom to say what I truly think,” said Izzy, moving from the window back toward her chair. Nerves on edge, she couldn’t sit. Instead she started to pace around the office room.

Nathanael crossed his arms and watched her. “There is much of Cherub culture I think thee hate, Isabella.”

Izzy groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Shea is mending,” interrupted Meredith.

“I have prayed diligently for her.”

Izzy froze in place. Meredith gasped. Or did I? Izzy’s heart fluttered with the adrenaline of his admission. A Seraphim praying diligence meant he’d asked for a good whipping. He’d prayed all day and night and only on the third day of penance would his fast be broken with bread and water. Nathanael’s head hung. His show of subservience quickened Izzy’s heart. I failed her. By rights I should have protected her or taken on diligence. Instead I did none.