Riding With Brighton(34)
“Yeah, I guess. I have to.”
“Wow,” she says. “How do you think that’s gonna go?”
“Umm… I’m gonna take a wild guess and say not well.”
“Yeah, I think you’re probably right.”
We’re silent for a few moments. I don’t know what else to say to her. It’s not like I can segue into a light conversation about her plans for the rest of the weekend or ask how her parents are doing.
“I’m here for you, Jay, you know if you need help talking to them or anything like that. I think I really want to help you through this if that’s something you need.”
I let out a relieved breath. “Thanks, Sadie. Seriously, I can’t tell you how good it is to hear that. I’m not sure how many people are going to stick around after I drop this bomb.”
“I promise, you’ll always have me. It’s going to be okay. People will get over it eventually. Your parents are still gonna love you. It’s going to be okay.”
“I’m starting to realize that most of the people I surround myself with aren’t people who really give a shit about me anyway. As long as you and my parents stick around, I think you’re right—I’m gonna be okay.”
“Good. I mean, I’m glad you’re staying so positive. Promise you’ll call me whenever you need someone to talk to. Or just call me so that I know you’re still part of my life.”
“Yeah, of course. I love you, Sadie.”
“I love you too, Jay.”
I smile into the phone until she disconnects. I take a few deep breaths, trying to absorb it all, before heading to Brighton, who has made his way over to the edge of the playground, picking up balls on the way. I walk to one of the swings and sit down, and he joins me. “How’d it go?”
“Really good. She seemed a lot better. She said she’s not angry, just in shock.”
Brighton laughs at that. “Makes sense.”
“Yeah.” My smile slowly fades away as I think of her. “She’s such a good person. This would have been a whole lot easier if I were dating some mean, selfish bitch. I should have come out when I was with Collette.” I force a laugh, but I’m not really feeling it. “She told me she’ll be there for me. That I can talk to her. She said she’d help me talk to my parents if I need her to.”
“That’s good. It means you didn’t lose her. You might be surprised by how many people will surprise you.”
“Yeah,” I agree, trying not to think about it too hard. I know I can’t live in denial of what I’m gonna have to do if I really want to live my own life for once, but thinking about what I’m up against is exhausting.
“What time is it?”
Shit. Why is he asking me that? Does he have somewhere to go? Is he gonna leave me? I panic instantly. I need him right now, way too damn much, I realize, but shit, I really don’t want to be by myself. And right now he’s the only one I want to be with. I pull my phone out of my pocket and cringe when I see how late it is. “Five fifty-two.” Normally, I would have said six, but I’m hoping the fact that it’s still five will make a difference.
“Seven hours ago we were sitting right there.” Brighton nudges his chin to the other side of the park where the bench is. “You were a totally different kid when you showed up here. You were living a completely different life. It’s kind of crazy how much shit you’ve been through today. How much you’ve accomplished.”
“Was that seriously today? God, that doesn’t even seem possible.”
“When you were walking down that trail to meet me, what were you thinking?”
“Um… I was totally freaking the hell out. It’s all a little hazy actually. I think I got here on autopilot. I definitely had a moment, as I parked my truck, where I almost turned around.”
“It’s crazy, isn’t it, how one little decision can completely change your life?”
“Totally. I almost turned around.” I stutter a disbelieving laugh at that, and a sense of panic runs through me. Thank God I didn’t do that. “And then I saw you, kicked back on that bench, staring up into the sun with your hands behind your head, and I wanted what you had. I wanted to be able to just sit and relax and enjoy the sun and to just stop thinking and questioning and hating myself.”
“And then you walked up to me, and I saw that look on your face, and I almost left you here. And then you smiled at me. Thank God I didn’t leave you. That would have been a life-changing mistake.”
“For me?”
“For me. I wouldn’t have had today. I wouldn’t have gotten to know the real you. It’s been a pretty amazing day, Jay. I’ve had some amazing days in my life, but I gotta say, this one might top the list. And it’s not even close to over.”
I smile at him and relief floods my body. “So you like my smile?”
“I fucking love your smile. And the way you run your hands over your face and through your hair when you’re stressed out. I love you in my clothes. I like that your hat is still laying on my bed. I like the fact that you’re not afraid to be vulnerable. I love how strong you are. I like how much you love Sadie. It’s kind of cute when you get jealous. I really like watching you hit baseballs. Oh, and the baseball pants—love them too. I like that our mouths communicate well…. I don’t know Jay, so far I like pretty much everything about you.”