One Small Thing(32)

Exhaling softly, I emerge from my silly hiding spot. The taxi is picking me up in front of Jay’s house. I decide to sit at the curb and wait, rather than loiter on the front porch. I threw myself at the poor guy more than once tonight—the least I could do is graciously get off his property.

A mortified groan slides out and I drop my face into my hands. How is this happening? How did this night turn to such shit?

Jeff left me. I got wasted. I tried to make out with someone.

I moan, but that small sound is not enough to release all the awful things I’m feeling. So I scream into my palms. “Argghhhhh!”

“Seriously?”

My head snaps up at the sound of his voice. “No,” I whisper, more to me than him. “Just go away, Chase. Please.”

“What are you doing out here? It’s almost one in the morning and there’s school tomorrow.”

“You go to school, too,” I snipe. “Why are you allowed to be out late and I’m not?”

“I can get by on no sleep. You, on the other hand, look like you’re about to pass out. Are you okay?”

I ignore him by burying my face in my hands again. I can’t deal with him at the moment. Nice, right? I lost my virginity to this guy and I can’t even look him in the eye. And the fact that he sounds legit concerned for me only makes it worse.

“Beth,” he says roughly. “Look at me.”

“No,” I mumble against my hands. “Just move along, Chase. Nothing to see here.”

“All right. Whatever.”

I hear footsteps.

My heart speeds up, because once he’s gone, I’m back to being alone out here so late at night. Not that I want him to stay or anything. I just...

I don’t know what I want.

The footsteps grow fainter, and I finally raise my head. He really is leaving. Just walking away. I stare at his black-clad back. He’s wearing a hoodie again. His jeans aren’t black, though. They’re blue, and so faded they look like they’ve been washed a thousand times before. His tall frame gets smaller the farther away he gets. I keep watching, because what else am I going to do? I still have so much time to kill before the cab comes.

When he reaches the end of the street, he halts at the same stop sign I raced toward earlier, when Jeff sped off like a total fucking asshole.

I narrow my eyes. Chase remains still for several moments. Then, very slowly, he turns around and starts walking back in my direction. My pulse speeds up.

By the time he’s in front of me again, my heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest.

His blue eyes scan my face, and his voice is slightly hoarse as he asks, “Did anyone hurt you?”

I jerk my head no.

“Are you sure? Because it’s obvious you’ve been crying.” He drags both hands through his messy hair, trying to slick it away from his face. “Why the hell are you here, Beth? You’re not friends with Kav or Maria or their crowd. And you sure as shit aren’t friends with Tanner’s crew.”

“What’s wrong with Jay?” I demand, oddly defensive of a boy I hardly know. But he was nice to me tonight, and I don’t like the contempt in Chase’s voice. He has no right to condemn anyone.

“Nothing’s wrong with Jay. It’s his brother’s crew I’m talking about. Dave’s a drug dealer,” Chase says flatly. “But I assume you already knew that, since you were chilling at his place tonight.”

I didn’t meet a Dave, as far as I recall, and I’m suddenly glad Jay didn’t introduce us. I feel a bit faint, though, because the revelation that someone in that house deals drugs just confirms what I already knew—I might’ve gotten really hurt tonight if Jay hadn’t taken care of me.

“Well, nobody hurt me and I’m fine. So you can go away,” I tell Chase. “I’m waiting for a cab.”

He nods. But he doesn’t leave.

“Just...leave,” I spit out. “We don’t have anything to say to each other. You made it clear, okay?”

His tone is wary. “Made what clear?”

“That just because we had sex doesn’t mean there’s some kind of bond between us. You want nothing to do with me. I want nothing to do with you.” My eyes feel hot all of a sudden, stinging so badly my throat tightens.

“Do you want there to be a bond?” Now he sounds incredulous. “Because that’s just screwed up, Beth.”

Like water crashing through a broken dam, my tears pour out.

He’s right. It is screwed up. The very fact that I can look at this guy without wanting to rip his throat out is screwed up. To want to form any kind of connection with him? That’s beyond screwed up.

But if there’s no connection, no bond, then that means what Chase and I did meant nothing.

“I get it, okay?”

His pained words draw me back to the present. “Get what?”

Chase lowers himself beside me and kicks his long legs out. In the moonlight, the scruff on his jaw looks blonder. “You were a virgin,” he mutters.

I don’t see the point in denying it, so I nod.

His expression grows more upset. “I should’ve figured it out, picked up on the signs, but I...I was too...” He trails off.

“Too what?”

“Too into it, okay?” Shame colors his voice and hangs in the droop of his broad shoulders. “I hadn’t been with a chick in three years, Beth. I wasn’t a virgin last weekend, but I might as well have been, considering how bad I wanted it and how eager I was.”