Little Do We Know(82)
Luke twisted my hair around his finger and never took his eyes off me.
“I didn’t come to you that day because Hannah was the one I needed. I knew she’d tell me what to do. She’d make it all okay. Deep down, I was still wondering if I’d done something wrong, and I knew she’d tell me I hadn’t. She’d get mad for me and protect me…”
“…but she didn’t,” Luke said, finishing my sentence.
I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes.
“I didn’t know what to do after that. I felt insecure and…broken for a little while there, and I didn’t want you to see me that way. I’m supposed to be the fun one, right? I’m supposed to surprise you. I never want to show you my flaws, but I don’t mind showing them to Hannah. She’s seen every single one. And she loves me no matter what.”
“I love you no matter what.”
“Not like she does.” I shook my head slowly. “No one loves me like she does.”
That was the last thing I remembered before I fell into a deep sleep.
After Dad led everyone in the final prayer, I was supposed to walk back into the audience and work the room like I had every other year, proudly introducing myself as Pastor J’s daughter, chatting with parents and prospective students, talking up Covenant. That’s what Aaron and the rest of SonRise were doing. But I didn’t have it in me. I was still all buzzy from the performance and I just needed to be alone, away from it all, where I could concentrate on what really mattered: Emory.
I made my escape through the door off the stage and hid in the music-department storage room. It was dark, and there were no chairs, so I sat on the floor and leaned back against the metal shelving unit.
I’d only been there a minute or so when I heard a soft knock on the door. I assumed it was Alyssa, so I yelled, “Come in.”
My heart started racing when I looked up and realized it was Aaron. I wasn’t ready to see him. Or talk to him. Or hear his apologies and explanations. Or think about what he’d done to Luke. And to me. I already had too many thoughts in my head and I didn’t want to make room for any more.
“Why are you sitting in the dark?” he asked as the door closed behind him with a soft click.
“I’m thinking.”
“Do you want me to turn the light on?”
“No.” I knew where the switch was. If I wanted the light on, I would have turned it on. I was mad at him all over again. “What do you want, Aaron?”
Saying his name made butterflies start to come to life in my stomach, so I rested my hand there and pictured all of them getting caught up in a bug zapper.
He crossed the room. He took my hands in his. I tried not to notice how nice they felt wrapped around mine. “Can we talk?”
I pulled my hands from his grip. “Not right now. I have more important things on my mind.”
He didn’t reach for them again. “More important than us?”
I laughed in his face. “Yes, Aaron. A lot more important than us.” Emory was more important than anyone.
He stepped backward, giving me space. “Okay…I get it. I’ll leave you alone. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. It’s all I’ve been able to think about, and I’m just…so, so sorry for what I did. I betrayed your trust. And Luke’s trust. What I did was…inexcusable.”
He paused, and I wondered if he was waiting for me to jump in and tell him I forgave him and that it was okay. I didn’t.
He continued. “After your dad told me about your college fund, I didn’t feel like I had any other choice. I knew Luke’s video would draw attention to us and get kids in the door, and I knew once we got them here and they saw your dad in action, we’d get all the applications we needed.”
That wasn’t what he’d told me earlier. It wasn’t what he’d told Luke.
“So you sent the video out on purpose? You asked someone to upload it and make it public.”
Aaron dropped his chin to his chest. I took that as a yes.
“Our methods were wrong,” he said, locking his eyes on me. “But they worked. We had a waiting list before anyone even walked in that door tonight. We’re solid. You’ll go to BU in the fall, like you’re supposed to. And I’ve got a stack of applications from kids who want to audition for SonRise, so Jack, Logan, and I can keep this going after you and Alyssa are gone.”
It was good news, but hearing him say it made me reach for my stomach again. It wasn’t the butterflies that time; those were long gone. Now I just felt empty. This wasn’t the way I wanted it to happen.
“Have you apologized to Luke?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Not yet, but I will. I promise.” And then he stepped in closer and started to reach for my hands again. “I just need you to forgive me. Please. I miss you.”
As I looked at him, I realized I couldn’t say it back. I’d thought about him. A lot. But I hadn’t missed him.
Suddenly, all I could think about was that card Luke wrote to Emory. And how he’d talked about her in the hotel room the night before. How he’d put himself out there on TV that morning, completely going against my dad so everyone would know how he felt about her. Luke never would have done what Aaron did to me. And it hit me like a slap. Luke never would have done to Emory what Aaron was doing to Beth.