Learning to Swim(45)

I continued to stare at him, unable to look away. Why hadn't I just kept my mouth shut the previous night? How could I have let him leave?

“You must be tired,” he said. “Have you been at the hospital all day?”

I nodded; then we shared an awkward pause.

“Well,” he said finally. “Thanks again for letting me know how she was doing.”

It was obvious that he was dismissing me. But I wasn't ready to leave, not yet at least. “I didn't,” I announced before he could shut the door.

“Didn't what?”

“I didn't come here to tell you how Alice was doing. I came here because I wanted, I mean, needed to see you.”

Wow, I was really going for broke. I'd never really admitted to “needing” anything in my life. But as I looked into Keith's eyes and thought about how brave Alice had been in her darkest hour, I tried to muster enough courage to tell him how sorry I was and how I felt about him.

Keith hesitated a moment. I was hoping that he wasn't coming up with an excuse to send me away. “Um, do you want to come in? My dad and stepmother are at the beach house.”

“Okay,” I said in relief.

He led me through the marble-floored entranceway, past the white-on-white living room with the cathedral ceiling, and into a smaller (but definitely not small), dark, paneled room furnished with a black leather sectional, a big wood desk, and a giant flat-screen TV. The place was even more magnificent up close than it had appeared through Alice's binoculars.

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked politely.

“No thanks,” I said breathlessly as I took in every inch of my surroundings.

I glanced at the bookshelves. They were lined with pictures of Keith from his glory days. Keith as captain of the Brucker's football team, making the touchdown that would win the game. Keith as a Cub Scout, making a leg splint out of some wood and an Ace bandage. There were more pictures as well, recent ones. Keith answering questions on some college quiz show… Keith reading Moby-Dick while lying in a hammock… Keith giving a little girl a hug during a birthday party… and Keith and Mora dancing at the country club. I looked closely at that picture and studied the expression on Keith's face. He was frowning and his shoulders were slumped forward a bit, as if he couldn't wait for someone to cut in. This was when I realized that Keith and Mora were truly over, and all the irrational, envious feelings I had about their relationship suddenly vanished.

I turned to Keith and began my mea culpa. “I'm sorry for last night. I don't know what got into me. I had no right to talk to you like that.”

He put his hands in his pockets and grinned a little. “It's okay.”

“No, it's not okay.” I sighed. “I shouldn't have panicked.”

“You were feeling panicked?” Keith seemed very confused. “Why?”

I gazed into his kind brown eyes and was once again swept away by his charms. He was more than I'd ever hoped he'd be. A sweet, smart, sensitive (and gorgeous—like I'd forget that) guy who understood, just like me, what it was like to have a mother with serious issues.

“Well, because I was scared.” I had to fess up to everything. Being honest with Keith was the only thing that would give us a real chance.

“Of what?”

I braced myself for the humiliation that might follow this admission. “I was afraid of getting love lunacy.”

“Love lunacy,” Keith repeated.

“Yes, it's what I call the sickness that makes my mom go all nuts whenever she falls for a married man.”

Keith didn't flinch, so I kept explaining.

“So then I met you, and I liked you instantly, but you were with Mora and—”

“You thought you'd go nuts like your mom,” he said, finishing my sentence.

“Right.” I closed my eyes and waited for the snickering, but it never came. I opened my eyes and Keith was just standing there smiling widely.

“Stef, in a million years, you could never be like Barbie.” He took a step closer to me. Six more and we'd be in lip-lock territory.

“Really?”

He sat down on the couch and motioned for me to join him. My whole body started to tingle as I sat next to him. He moved closer, putting his arm around me.

“Listen, if you were anything like her, I wouldn't want to spend every minute with you,” he said. “The fact that you're Alice's friend speaks volumes. Stef, you're the most interesting person I've ever met.”

This was the best thing I'd heard in my entire life. I touched his cheek as if trying to commit every second and every feeling to memory. I should've been on top of the world. After all, Keith still liked me. How great was that? Unfortunately, as happy and grateful as I was to get another opportunity to be with Keith, I still felt terrible.

“Are you panicking again?” he asked softly.

“It's not you. It's my mom.” Barbie, I thought sadly. It always came back to Barbie. “That guy she was dating…”

“The married man?”

I nodded. “He broke up with her. So as per the final stage of love lunacy, she wants to move.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow,” I said. Keith placed a kiss on my cheek and I practically melted. “I don't want to go. I mean, I haven't talked to Alice, but I'm sure she'll let me stay there if I want.”