Learning to Swim(44)

“This isn't about her, Stef. He deserves some happiness in his life as well. I mean, she's not a baby, for God's sake. She's going to college in a couple years. Doesn't she want to see him happy?” Barbie's voice was shrill. “It's your whole generation. So selfish.”

Selfish? What about her? Didn't she see herself as selfish? Her boyfriend was staying with a wife he didn't love because he didn't want to hurt his daughter. My mom, however, couldn't have cared less about me. She would've tossed me aside for him in a minute. She already had. This infuriated me.

“I don't want to move,” I said sternly.

Barbie grabbed a tissue out of her zebra-print lounge-pants pocket and wiped her nose. “We don't have a choice, Stef. I can't stay here. I can't stand the thought of running into him with his happy little family.”

I thought about how it would feel to leave everything behind again and start a new life in a new town with no Alice, no Keith, and no Tippecanoe. Although the maid job was crappy, I wouldn't have met either Alice or Keith if I hadn't worked there. Nothing could replace any of it.

“Keith is going back to school anyway,” Barbie added. “And who knows what will happen when he gets back around all those college girls…”

That was a low blow, and from the stunned look on Barbie's face, she knew it too.

I took a deep breath. “I can't do this anymore.”

Barbie strode over to the couch, sat down, and began looking at the map. “What are you talking about?”

“I'm tired of dealing with your love lunacy,” I said firmly. “I'm tired of your lies, I'm tired of moving, I'm tired of your hysteria and having to live my life with your crazy rules.”

“Well, I am really, really sorry that you have it so bad,” she said angrily. “I am so sorry to disappoint you.”

The guilt trip wasn't working this time. I was going to stand my ground. “Oh, I am disappointed. In myself.”

Barbie choked back some tears. “What do you mean?”

“I can't keep trying to save you, Mom.” I stood motionless when I called her that, and so did she. At her request, I never called her Mom. She'd always wanted to be my pal instead of a mother figure. But that had never been what I needed. “If you want to move to Ellicott City, go ahead. But I'm not going anywhere.”

She looked at me as her eyes filled with tears. “What are you going to do—move in with Alice or something?”

Actually, the idea had occurred to me.

My hesitation must have been obvious, because my mom took it as a big Yes, I am moving in with Alice, you crazy lunatic! and she snapped out of her sadness and responded every bit as maturely as I would've expected.

“Fine,” she said irately. “Stay with Alice. Get your stuff and get out of here. As a matter of fact, I'll help you!”

Barbie stormed into the kitchen and grabbed a big black trash bag. She stormed into my room. “I'd hate to keep Alice waiting!” And then she yanked open my underwear drawer and dumped the contents into the bag. “I'm going to be so happy living with an old lady.” She was imitating me by speaking in a really high, weird voice that made her sound like she had sucked in some helium. “Is that it, Stef? Or is it I'm tired of watching you destroy your life!”

I just shook my head, disgusted and disturbed by the whole performance.

“I need someone stable…,” my mother continued in her helium voice. “Well, living with Alice will be right up your alley, won't it? You guys can stay home all weekend and play bingo at the senior center and eat soft foods and talk about how much you hate me and what a crappy mother I am and how I'm a big fat failure at every damn thing I do and how I've always treated you like crap and how no matter what I did or how much I tried it was never good enough for you…”

I turned away and walked slowly to the door as my mother continued to rant. For the second time in two days, someone left our apartment without saying goodbye.

It was nearly nine by the time I got to Keith's house. Fortunately, the whole scene with my mother had unnerved me so much that my entire body had gone numb. So numb that I wasn't even nervous about showing up uninvited. So numb that I rang the doorbell without hesitation, not even caring that Keith's parents might regard me as the girl who'd dashed their hopes of a Mora Cooper daughter-in-law and that they might therefore be not-so-happy to see me standing there in my maid uniform. But numb or not, I was still relieved when, after only a few seconds, Keith answered the door himself.

“Steffie? What's wrong?” he asked with concern. “Is it Alice?”

“She's fine,” I replied. “The doctor thinks she might even come home in a few days.”

“That's a relief.” Keith was barefoot, wearing ripped jeans and a heather gray T-shirt that was fraying at the edges. His brown hair was all rumpled and tousled, and he had a little bit of stubble. He looked so cute that all my numbness faded away and I found myself fighting the urge to throw my arms around his neck and plant a big wet one on his lips.

“I appreciate you stopping by to tell me,” he said. “I was worried about her.”

“I figured,” I said. “She told me that you guys were pretty close.”

“Yeah,” he said with a simple nod. “Alice is great.”