Learning to Swim(37)

“If you want,” Barbie continued, “next week we can take you and get you fitted for a diaphragm or get you a prescription for the pill, whichever you prefer. The diaphragm can be a hassle because you have to insert it right before, and sometimes it's hard to stop after you've gotten started, but, well, if you don't, you get a Steffie or something that requires antibiotics.”

Oh, ew.

I pushed away the cosmetics bag in disgust. “I'm not going to need those, Barbie.”

“This Keith of yours isn't as innocent as you'd like to think, Stef. He's been around and around and back again.” This sounded more like a warning and less like motherly advice, but I was going to stand my ground. Keith and I had a lot of bases to cover before we could even consider, as Alice would have put it, parking the pastrami.

“I'm not having sex this weekend,” I said.

She rolled her eyes. “Well, if you do,” she said, as if certain I would, “you know where the protection is.”

“Great,” I said through a heavy sigh. “I'm going to Alice's.”

Barbie blew me an air kiss as I galloped to the front door. “Call me on my cell if you need anything!”

I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but really, if I'd needed something, she would have been the last person I would have called.

I hadn't made any plans to see Alice, but I was dying to tell her about the latest Keith developments, and I really couldn't stand to be in my mother's “I heart Planned Parenthood” company for another second. So I pedaled to her house as fast as I could. It was officially the second week in August. The heat was easing up once night fell, and the light breeze felt good on my skin. It felt even better knowing that because Keith and Mora weren't together anymore, I no longer needed to be concerned about love lunacy. He was free to be loved by anyone now, and that anyone was definitely me.

But my Keith McKnight high disappeared when I pulled into Alice's driveway. Usually when she was home, she'd leave her door wide open. Now, even though her car was in the driveway, her door was shut.

“Alice!” I called out. I knocked on the door a few times and when she didn't respond, I walked around back to see if she was in her yard. I was just about to leave when I glanced inside. Alice was lying on the living room couch. I knocked on the window.

“Steffie,” she said, waving me inside. “What a nice surprise.”

“Are you all right?” I asked as I sat down next to her. After all, not only was the house dark and about a million degrees, but also, Alice was covered in a blanket.

“Fine.” She pushed herself up to make more room for me. “I'm just tired, that's all.”

She looked at me and tilted her head. “What's going on?” she asked. “Why do you look so flushed?”

And then I did the most ridiculous teenybopper thing in the entire world. I started bouncing up and down on Alice's couch like I was professing my love on Oprah.

Alice didn't look very amused, though. “Quit it, Stef. One more bounce and this thing is going to crumble like a cookie.”

Then I began giggling like a maniac. “Keith broke up with Mora!” I shouted.

Alice grinned widely. “Well, it's about time.”

“Keith kissed me!” I screamed.

She plugged her ears. “Are you going to yell again?”

I smiled and sat down next to her. “No, I'm done.”

“Good,” Alice replied. And then she threw her blanket up into the air, dragged herself off the couch, and did a little dance on her sunflower rug. “This is the Steffie-finally-got-some jig!” she exclaimed.

“Can I join you?” I asked, reaching for the remote to her stereo.

“You better,” she said, chuckling. “Before I dislocate my hip.”

I blasted a cheesy Gwen Stefani song, and Alice and I got our boogie on like we were in the finals on Dancing with the Stars. After a few minutes of doing some oldies moves—including the swim—we collapsed on the floor, laughing like there was no tomorrow.

“I don't see how it could get any better,” Alice said simply as the music died down.

And she was right. But it was about to get worse.





15


I have always loved a happy ending. And what could be better than the geeky girl hooking up with the most popular stud in town? Unfortunately for me, however, I was not living in a Disney movie. So instead of dressing in a ballroom gown and celebrating the grand finale by having dinner on some rooftop balcony overlooking the sparkling city lights, I wore one of my mother's Forever 21 sundresses and dined in a dingy-looking Ethiopian restaurant in a Stevensville strip mall. And instead of sipping bubbly while my prince fed me tiny bites of filet mignon, I gulped down my water as I tried my best to eat what appeared to be a platter of ground-up regurgitated baby food.

But regardless of the odd scenery or the bizarre meal I was eating, I was still with Keith, the fabulous fantasy guy I had fallen for fifty-six days before. Only now, what we had was becoming so real, it was actually kind of freaking me out.

“What do you think?” Keith asked after I had forced myself to taste all the dollops.

What I thought was that this was not exactly the kind of wholesome all-American food one would get at the China Buffet. However, I gazed into his shining eyes and reminded myself how great it was that he wore a sport jacket and tie, so I peeled off a big piece of wet bread and went for another dunk. “I think it's great,” I said.