Learning to Swim(32)

“I just took Alice to Thelma's,” he said. “She was worried that she had forgotten to lock the back door, so I told her I'd come back and check it.”

“Alice called you and asked you to take her to Thelma's?” I said, surprised.

“I stopped by to ask her if she wanted me to trim her hedges this week, and she said she needed to go to Thelma's and she couldn't drive her car. Maybe there's something wrong with it.” He shrugged and took a step closer. “Are you okay? You look upset.”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I said, wiping my eyes.

He paused for a moment and then said, “Want to walk around back with me? I have to check that door.”

I nodded and followed him around the side of the house. The full moon reflected off the creek, cloaking everything in a soft, surreal glow.

“How was bingo?” he asked.

Bingo? It seemed like a million years ago. “Good,” I said as he tugged on the door.

“Locked.” He motioned toward the white patio chairs on the back porch. “Want to sit down for a minute?” he asked.

I shrugged and plopped down on the hard, cool plastic.

He took a seat beside me. “Are you sure you're okay?”

I sighed and said, “I just met my mother's boyfriend.”

Keith winced. “Yikes. Not good, huh?”

I was so anxious I couldn't stop my teeth from chattering. “I just… I don't understand how my mother can do this. He has a wife.”

“Maybe things with his wife aren't great.”

I looked at him, surprised. Was he defending my mother's affair? “So what? It doesn't make it right. The woman is a professional home wrecker.”

Keith sighed. “I don't know, Stef. I think it's more complicated than that. Maybe this guy hasn't been happy for a long time and when he met your mother, she made him realize just how unhappy he was.”

“So why doesn't he divorce his wife?”

“Who knows? Perhaps he will.”

I bowed my head in submission. “Great, then I'll have a cheater for a stepfather.”

“That's pretty harsh. He could be a good guy. Maybe he didn't plan on any of this. Sometimes life just takes you by surprise, you know? You have everything all planned out, and then you meet someone and then crap happens.”

The weird thing was that by the sound of Keith's voice, he didn't seem to be talking about my mother anymore. It felt as though he was talking about us.

“You don't understand,” I said, looking up and returning his gaze. “She does this all the time. And she always gets hurt. I can't watch her do this to herself again.”

He folded his hands behind his head. “Stef, from what little I know, your mom seems to take care of herself. Fresh starts aren't the worst thing in the world, right? She's just trying to find out what makes her happy.”

“But she's not happy,” I said. “It's like she has no impulse control or something. And you should see her when these affairs are over. She's a basket case. There have been times when I've been worried that she might actually hurt herself.” I rubbed my eyes. I didn't want him to see me cry. “I can't stand by and watch her do this to herself again. I won't.”

“So how do you plan on stopping her?”

“I don't know,” I croaked.

“You can't save her, Stef,” he said quietly.

“I have to at least try.” I thought about my grandparents, and tears started cascading down my cheeks.

“Look, Stef, no matter what you do, it's just not going to make any difference in the long run. I know what I'm talking about. I tried to save my mother over and over again, and no matter what I did…” His voice faded. “You heard she died in a car accident, right?”

I nodded.

“Well, that's not the truth. My dad told people that for my sake, I guess. And for the insurance money too.” He blinked a few times, as if he was trying to hold in all his emotions. “My mom killed herself.”

I felt my breath catch in my throat. It was as if he had changed right in front of my eyes, morphing from a cliché hot lifeguard fantasy into a real person, a person who had been to hell and back and had lived to talk about it. And here he was, sharing it with me.

“It was… awful,” he said after a long pause. He seemed to be remembering just how terrible it had been. It was obvious from the hoarse tone of his voice that this was difficult for him to talk about. “I knew she was depressed but I didn't think it was that bad. One morning I left for school, and that afternoon, instead of my mom picking me up, my dad was there. He told me she had driven down to the Potomac that morning and swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. Her note said she wanted to die looking at the water. When she collapsed, the car shifted into neutral and slammed into a tree. So I guess he didn't tell a total lie. The actual cause of death was head injury.”

I felt the urge to take him in my arms and hold him and tell him that everything would be all right. “That sucks,” I said.

Pretty close.

“Yeah,” he said, closing his eyes briefly as if trying to delete the memory. “It does.” He glanced at me. “No one else knows that on the island. Besides Alice, of course. I don't think anyone can keep any secrets from her, do you?” He smiled.