Instructions for Dancing(62)

It turns out she was trying to protect me from all the everything she was feeling.

She looks at me again, and now she does let her tears fall. “Your father isn’t the one who wanted the divorce. After he told me about Shirley, he said he wanted to stay together and go to counseling and try to work things out. I was the one who said no.”

I’m so shocked my mouth actually drops open. All this time I thought Dad left us, but it was Mom. Mom did the leaving.



“But why?” I ask. “You loved him. You love him still.”

“Yes, but I could see he loved her in a way he didn’t love me anymore. I wasn’t going to sit there being someone’s runner-up.”

I stare at her for a long time. I stare until I’m not just looking at her, I’m actually seeing her. I see my mom, strong and stoic and capable. I see my mom, soft, brave and vulnerable. Everyone says there’s a moment in your life when your parent becomes more than just a parent and becomes a real person. They never said how scary that moment would be. And wonderful too.

“Can I ask you one more thing?” I say.

“Lord have mercy, please let this be the last of it,” she says, but she’s smiling.

“It’s about Dr. Bob. After everything with Dad, how are you okay with dating again?”

She pulls the bowl of eggs back toward her and picks up the whisk. “Well, first of all, I like Dr. Bob. I like him a lot and he likes me a lot. But besides that, what else am I going to do? I can’t just cut myself off from love. I’m not made that way.”

“But look what happened with Dad. Look how it ended.”

“You think because your father and I didn’t last, our love was any less real? Once upon a time, your father and I loved each other enough to make you and your sister. That alone makes all the other nonsense worth it.”

She cuts me a look that says she knows why I’m asking her about this. “I don’t know what happened with you and X, but I hope you know you can’t cut yourself off from love either.”

“I’ll be okay by myself,” I insist.



She laughs at me. “You ever hear the one about the fish that didn’t need water?”

“No,” I say.

“Me neither,” she says. She takes my dry ingredients and dumps them into the eggs and mixes them all together.





CHAPTER 56





Once and Again



GRADUATION IS A week later. Our valedictorian gives a speech using cheese as her primary metaphor. We started out as young, mild cheddar but have since aged into sharp, mature Gruyère. Even though some teachers and classes grated, high school was still a Gouda experience. She concludes that we’re leaving stinky with knowledge.

Her name is Olivia Cortez, but I only know her by reputation—supersmart, sweet, destined to do something incredible, the same way Sophie is. I wish I’d gotten to know her.

After Olivia is done with her speech, Mr. Armstrong (history teacher extraordinaire) has his boring way with us one last time. He delivers a speech about the history of modern warfare as it relates to us making a place for ourselves in the world. He uses phrases like “behind enemy lines” and “in the trenches.”

We all groan and wish for cheese.

Next, it’s Principal Singh’s turn. He tells us we have bright futures, because of course he does. Since our class is too big to bestow diplomas individually, he holds up an oversized symbolic diploma, presents it and declares us Bevshire High School graduates.



“Now go out and leave your mark on the world,” he says.

After the applause dies down, I get up and go to find Martin.

“We made it,” he says, as if he wasn’t sure we were going to. He throws his arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head.

“Do you feel ready to make your mark on the world?” I ask.

“I don’t want the world, Eves, just my piece of it.”

I follow his gaze and find Danica at the end of it. He squeezes my shoulder. “Your sister’s relationship status is single again,” he says.

“Since when?”

“Last night.”

“How often do you check her status?”

“Once a day or so. Is that stalking?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

He lets go of my shoulder and turns to face me fully. “Are you still okay with me asking Danica out?” I know he’s asking because of what happened with X and me.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I say. Still, I have to ask: “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“There’s only ever been one thing on my graduation bucket list.”

“And she’s it?”

“She’s it.”

“What if she says no?”



“Then she says no.” He ruffles his own hair. “But what if she says yes?”

I hope she says yes. I hope she doesn’t break his heart, but it’s his heart to break. As much as I’d like to, I can’t protect the people I love from pain. And besides, Martin’s braver than I am. He’ll take the pain with the joy. He thinks it’s worth it.

He kisses me on the forehead again. “Let’s go find Sophie and Cassidy before our parents swoop in,” he says.