I Was Born for This(92)

I step back further again and tread into the creek. It’s only just deep enough to reach my ankles. I kneel down and put my shaking hands in there, watching as the blood rushes away into the cold water.





Lister’s skin is ice cold by the time the ambulance arrives, and even though he’s breathing, we can’t get him to wake up. Everything after that happens in a blur. When we hear the air ambulance flying above us, Juliet and Bliss wave their phone torches towards it, hoping that they’ll notice where we are. What feels like hours later, though is only really a few minutes, two paramedics are strapping Lister to a board and heaving him up the riverbank.

We run with the paramedics out of the woodland to where the helicopter has landed in the field. We’re not allowed to go on the helicopter with him, and next thing I know Rowan’s holding me back, pulling me down into the wheat, while they take Lister away. No, I need to be with him, I need to be there in case, just in case he …

For a while, all I can do is sit there. And cry.

And pray.





‘but to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief; that is a fate more terrible than dying.’



– Joan of Arc





‘Here, I bought you a Sprite and a packet of Haribo,’ I say, holding the two items out to Juliet as I wander back from the nearby shop. We’re back at Rochester train station, though I barely recognise it at all.

Juliet accepts the items with a surprised laugh. She tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles at me. ‘How did you know I like Haribo?’

‘You definitely mentioned it like ten thousand times in our Facebook convos.’

‘Oh God, do I actually talk about Haribo that much?’

‘Yeah, yeah you do. I mean, maybe Haribo is your special internet friend.’

‘Wow. Too soon.’

Our train won’t be here for another twenty minutes, so we wander through and sit down in the waiting area. We sit in comfortable silence, Juliet munching on her Haribo and me taking sips from the milkshake I bought for myself, watching the people go by. I could definitely get into people watching. Wondering where that guy is going. What’s that woman worried about? What’s that person’s greatest fear? What’s their greatest desire?

I don’t know. Everything seems a bit more interesting to me now than it used to.

‘Did you get me anything?’ asks a voice, and I turn to my other side and smile at Bliss Lai.

‘Hell yeah, I did,’ I say, and pull a milkshake out of my bag. ‘Here you go, milk girl.’

‘Okay, “milk girl”, not the best nickname. But excellent choice.’ She unscrews it and takes a sip.

‘How’s our boy?’ asks Juliet, mid-chew.

I check my phone.

‘No new messages,’ I say.

We all stay silent for a moment. I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair.

Last night, Jimmy and Rowan left for the hospital in a taxi as soon as the road out of the village was reopened. Both of them were eerily silent. Jimmy wasn’t crying any more. We barely said goodbye even. Jimmy just looked at me as he reached the doorway, and then turned to go, and it struck me that I would probably never see him again.

Apart from in photos. And videos. And on the internet.

Rowan kept Bliss updated with texts. None of us – me, Juliet, Bliss and Piero – could sleep. Piero sat at the kitchen table with the radio on. Bliss and Juliet sat together by the window. I escaped into the study to pray. Pleading God to let him be okay.

We heard at 11 p.m. that they’d reached the hospital safely, and at 11.30 p.m. that Lister was already in surgery.

Then we heard nothing for over four hours.

And then, at 4 a.m., we had a call from a shaky, small voice. Jimmy.

Lister was going to be okay.

He’s gone in for more surgery this morning, on his leg this time, but he’s no longer on the verge of death. Jimmy and Rowan are still there, and somehow the fact that Lister is in hospital has made headline news, though no one seems to know exactly what happened.

No one in the world except us.

‘Doesn’t it all feel like a dream?’ I say.

‘Yeah,’ says Juliet. ‘Or a really bad fanfiction.’

We all laugh.

‘No one would have written Lister like that,’ I say.

‘Or Jimmy.’

‘Or Rowan, to be honest.’

‘Real life is weird,’ Juliet says.

‘Yeah.’

We sit in silence for a little longer, drinking and eating and watching the world.

What are we going to do now?

What’s life going to be like now?

‘So, you dumped Rowan?’ says Juliet. I realise that Juliet hasn’t talked to Bliss about that yet.

Bliss shrugs. ‘Yeah. We weren’t good together. We’ll still be friends, but …’ She pauses. ‘Actually, I think we’ll be a lot better as just friends.’

‘You think you’ll still talk to him, then?’ I ask.

Bliss frowns. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

She has a point.

‘Oh, hey, Angel, I got something for you too,’ says Juliet. She yanks her bag onto her knees and unzips it, rummages with one hand, and pulls out a folded-up piece of lined paper. I frown and open it up.