I Was Born for This(45)

‘You go ahead,’ Tasha calls back. ‘But that isn’t tonight, sweetie.’

Rowan’s bedroom door opens and he emerges wearing his concert outfit, which is a dress with leggings underneath. All in black, obviously. He looks like a saint.

He’s also holding a large cake with candles on it and is looking at me.

The lights dim, and everyone suddenly turns to look at me, and then they start singing ‘Happy Birthday’.

To me.

Wait.

What?

What’s the date?

They finish singing, by which time Rowan has made it across the room to me. He grins. ‘You forgot again, didn’t you?’

‘I never know what the date is …’ I mumble, feeling very embarrassed from the sudden attention. Lister’s grinning at me as well, cape wrapped round him like a scarf, clapping his hands together softly.

‘Make a wish, then, Jimjam,’ says Rowan.

I look at the candles and wish for what I always wish for, which is to be happy. Then I blow them out. Everyone cheers and claps.

‘How long we got, Tash?’ calls Rowan as he carries the cake over to the breakfast bar.

‘About half an hour, hun.’

‘Sweet.’

Music starts playing over the surround sound. Lister fiddles with the volume controls and changes track to one of our old favourite bands, The Killers. We used to sit and listen to them in music practice rooms and in each other’s bedrooms. Back in the day.

I can’t help but smile.

Lister starts jumping up and down and singing along immediately, cape flapping about behind him. He skips around the room again, trying to persuade various stylists to join in, even trying to get Cecily to join in (which of course she doesn’t, because she’s too busy tapping away on her phone). Then he comes up to me and takes my hands, pulling me around, galloping across the floor, then pulling me up onto the sofa and bouncing up and down in time to the music like we’re on a trampoline. Rowan used to have a trampoline in his back garden. Well, I guess it’s probably still there.

‘COME ON, RO!’ shouts Lister through harsh breaths as we bounce up and down. I start laughing at Rowan’s expression – his classic eyebrow raise. Despite this, he runs across the room and leaps up onto the sofa to jump with us, throwing his arms round me. I stagger and nearly fall over, and laugh again.

The music blares all around us and we start screaming along to the chorus. We all still remember the words, despite it being months, maybe years since we’ve heard this song. I forget our own songs in shorter times than that.

‘How does it feel to be nineteen?’ shouts Rowan over the music.

‘That bit closer to death,’ adds Lister.

I feel happy, maybe. Just for a little bit.

Maybe my wish came true.





Things felt awkward when Bliss left last night. There was a space between me and Juliet again and not even Mac could make up for it any more.

Which in some ways is a good thing, but mostly it just meant there were too many awkward silences.

And despite Bliss’s warning about Mac, Juliet still left to go to Sainsbury’s with him fifteen minutes ago while I was doing my make-up. Without telling me.

I kind of have a little cry about it for five minutes. Just a minor cry. Which is stupid, because all she’s done is gone to a supermarket without me. Didn’t think I was that clingy.

After that I sit in the kitchen and catch up on some Tumblr discourse from last night.

The theories about Jimmy, Rowan and Bliss are getting pretty wild. People are coming up with some hilarious explanations for the Jowan photo and the Rowan/Bliss reveal, such as it’s a ploy by their management, out to stir up some extra publicity to keep attention on The Ark once their tour ends, or that both reveals were calculated by Jimmy and Rowan themselves, a passionate cry for help, a desperate attempt to out themselves and tell the world about their secret love affair and the burden of Rowan being forced into a fake relationship.

A lot of people agree with me. Rowan and Bliss are in a relationship. And Jowan is just a fantasy.

A lot of people are devastated. Like Juliet was yesterday, I guess. And I thought I would have been too, but while it was a surprise, it didn’t destroy me in the way I thought it would when the news eventually came that Jowan, love itself, wasn’t real.

Maybe I sort of knew it was a lie all along.

‘You seem to be in a good mood.’

I have a minor heart attack while washing up my cereal bowl, and then turn round.

It’s Juliet’s nan, wearing a dressing gown and holding a mug. She smiles at me and sits down at the table, taking a sip from the mug.

‘I’m in a very good mood,’ I say, which is hilarious, because I was literally crying about ten minutes ago.

‘Excited about tonight?’

‘So excited.’

Dorothy sips on her mug again and says, ‘Do you mind if I ask you something?’

I grab a tea towel and say, ‘Yeah, sure!’

‘Are J and Mac … together?’

Oh.

‘Erm … well …’ How exactly do I explain this? ‘They might be, but I think … because they’ve only just met each other in real life this week … I think it’s got a bit … er … complicated.’

‘I see …’ Dorothy nods and looks down. ‘I see.’